Author: The Beat Writer Staff

When the Grinders Beat Writers are feeling lazy… and split the articles up amongst themselves.

Week 3 Power Rankings, Thoughts and Stuff

Salutations Grinders. It has been quite some time since Grinders HQ has put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard I guess). I bet all three of the readers we used to get have been itching for something, anything! Or maybe they just listen to the podcast now like normal people, in which case I can’t really blame them. I love the pod too, and it makes my “job” easy. But I missed writing all about our wonderful Wednesday nights, so for at least this week, you’re going to get my rankings and general opinions. There will be no game reviews here, because personally I’d rather hear about it on the podcast. I’m also going to try to keep slander to a minimum (besides the usual suspects… *cough cough Cole*) so you’re just going to get raw, unbiased stats and facts!


WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS


1) TEAM E, 3-0 (1)

I mean this is just absurd. I remember our beloved Hall of Famer beaming with glee walking out of the draft room, proud of his handiwork believing he had assembled a group of guys that would make Cole’s next 10 weeks miserable. And of course, here they are, alone at the top, undefeated. It really is a cruel world we live in. If I had been inspired enough to do an immediate post-draft ranking, I probably would have put them 5th or 6th. I don’t think I can even say they’ve been getting lucky either – they haven’t won a game by more than 6 points so far –but it’s reminiscent of last year’s Cole/Wayne/Tommy team where they would look brutal in one half, and then turn it around just enough to edge out a win. Cole is already looking like an MVP candidate, shooting 64% and averaging nearly 23/10/5 and a juicy 33 GAPE. E and Chuck have been holding it down, playing their usual solid defense and scoring when needed, as they’re averaging 14 and 13 PPG, respectively. Cory is in his floor general role, moving the ball and putting in work on the boards. Worm fills out nicely as a 5th option, and I missed the one game Ben played so I have nothing to input there. Is it too early to call this squad championship favorites? Probably. They might drop some games the second time around with some of the better teams, like Kellen and Pauly P. But they look good at this pace, and this week’s 8:30 matchup against Team Al might be must-see action.

2) TEAM KELLEN, 2-1 (2)

I know, how creative of me to put the number 2 team at number 2. There is a valid argument for Team Pauly P here, but KO did beat them handily in Week 1, even if they did it without Curtis playing. But if I continue to do these every week, I want to base it more off of what happened recently. And what happened recently is they beat the brakes off Team Al 86-58. Textbook boat race, am I right? The eye test tells me that this is the most well-rounded team this session, especially when they are on like they were last week. Gersitz is playing inspired so far, hence why he is firmly at the top of the player rankings. Averaging 70% shooting? 25 points and 40 (!!) GAPE? Get out of here. Jeff May is still looking crisp, and Kellen looks like he remembered how to shoot the ball *into* the net. I did actually hear from an anonymous Grinder that “[Kellen] is the best shooter in the league” during their trouncing of Team Al. And of course, new guy Danny is looking like the steal of the draft – 15 3PM in 3 games(league leader). And everyone knows what Salvati brings to the table, and while he hasn’t had a chance to do too much on the stat sheet so far, he hasn’t needed to. Maybe it’s just Garrett defense inflation, but they have 3 guys averaging over 20 PPG. Their only blemish is their 6 point loss to Team E, but they were missing Jeff May. I would love to see the full-strength rematch against E and Pauly P to get a full gauge, but for right now this is the right spot for them. I don’t see them falling any further for a while either with matchups against Pauly J and Tirado coming up.

3) TEAM PAULY P, 2-1 (3)

The popular take so far has been how unfair it is playing against both Curtis and Jimmy at the same time. And yes, they are both great. But what happens when neither of them are on? Enter the captain. Last week, Pauly P stepped up and delivered a masterclass, with 14 points and 21 rebounds, leading his squad to victory in the battle of the Pauls. It should be frightening that when Curt and Jimmy both shoot under 30% this team can still win games. Dave might still be finding his groove offensively, but he brings another body tothe boards, freeing up Pauly P for those annoying offensive rebounds he consistently gets. OMJ has been steady, and is the only one on the team who hasn’t airballed yet, so that’s gotta be worth something. Jokes aside, everyone knows shots are hard to come by on this team outside of Curt and Jimmy. But 9 times out of 10 that’s something you’re okay with, because they are very, very good. Maybe their game against KO swings the other way if Curtis was there, and they have to wait another week to play Team E – so for now, they can sit here filling out the top half of teams at third.

4) TEAM PAULY J, 1-2 (5)

Here we go!!! Do I really think this team is better than Al’s? Maybe, maybe not. Do I think Chaz is saving this team from being dead last? Probably… but one guy is playing at this level, some weeks that’s all you need. And it’s not like this team is terrible either – sure, Alec is going to pull up from deep at even the slightest hint of separation, but he’s shown glimpses that he can drive too… the 0 assists in 3 games is a little concerning though. Pauly J is not off to a hot start, but he’s actually been the second best rebounder on the team, and we’ve seen what he can do when he’s feeling himself (30 point gem last session). Maybe a coaching adjustment to take some of Alec’s FGA might do this squad some good. Can’t hurt, right? Bobby is currently at his highest shooting percentage since 2024.3 (besides the mini session where he was actually very solid) and he seems to make one or two plays every week that gets the gym fired up. A few more sessions of development and he might start costing captains a little more cash on draft day. Boccio is of course still elite at defending and rebounding, but what this team has boiled down to through 3 weeks is they’ve been relying on Chaz too much. It took 9 3PM from him to top Team Tirado by one score, but they’ve had close losses where others also played well (Week 1, Alec/Bobby, Week 3 Boccio/kind of Alec). I have faith that things will turn around, mostly hinging on the captain finding his form again. It might be tough this week though against a hot Team KO.

5) TEAM AL, 1-2 (4)

Boy oh boy where do I even start…? Garrett was already celebrating this team’s championship win 10 minutes after the draft, but since their Week 1 win over Team Tirado, it has been boat race central. A 20 point loss to Pauly P and nearly 30 points to KO? Unfathomable. Yes, I am aware that Justin has yet to play, but Tommy/Garrett/Crazy alone should be enough for more than one win, right? Or at the very least enough to NOT get blown out two weeks in a row?? I know it’s fun to pile it on Garrett, who has not been spectacular, but has not nearly been as disappointing as Tommy. The podcast made an interesting point – maybe he needs Cole more than Cole needs him. An MVP candidate last session is back to looking like the guy who went for $5 not too long ago… but seriously. Effort and morale has been low, easy shots and layups being missed, falling asleep on defense, it’s all been bad the last two weeks. Yes, they’ve played two good teams, but you’d think they’d put up the best fight with their roster. “Crazy” has been trying his best to keep the ship from falling apart, as he’s second on the team, with 14.7 PPG and the only one shooting above 40%. Bryant hasn’t been too terrible, and without looking 39% might be his best percentage ever. Granted, a lot of that came from Week 1 on wide open fast breaks, so take it with a grain of salt. “Iceberg” Kale is finding his way, but at least he has shown some hustle. He also has a top 3 nickname right now, so that’s cool. I think eventually this squad will pull it together, but based off their last two games I can’t put them higher than 5th. Either threy continue to self destruct, or they play like they know they can and start winning. Maybe Justin helps alleviate some of the hero ball that they’ve been forced into. Maybe Tommy settles in and starts playing MVP level ball again. And maybe Kale will realize that he’s the second youngest player in the league and can just out-athlete the other team’s 4th guy. Lot of maybes I know, but these guys are too good to be this bad. But aprimetime game against undefeated E might just be make-or-break.

6) TEAM TIRADO, 0-3 (6)

Look, I don’t know what is going on internally with this team. Trade rumors? Trade requests, perhaps? Allegedly? I don’t know, so I’m just going to talk about their play on the court. Week 1 was ugly for sure, but it’s not like they’ve been getting killed the last two weeks. A one-score loss in which Chaz scored 27 off of threes alone, and last week a 5-point loss to the current #1 team. Maybe the chemistry is just not there yet, as I’ve heard from sources that none of these Grinders have played with each other more than maybe just 1 session. Captain Tirado has not been very bang bang like so far, even with last weeks 40% effort, he’s shooting just 22% through 3 games. Witt has been faring better, averaging a double-double so far, and is shooting respectable but hasn’t been able to find as many buckets as we’re used to. Lanzot has been trying to fill his playmaking role, but has struggled from the field, no thanks to a 1/8 outing last week. Peyton has been consistent, and is leading the way in GAPE with 18.3. Little Josh has struggled, not able to connect on those short range looks that he thrived on last year. And of course, Richie hurt his fingies in Week 2, and might be out on a week-to-week basis. They have a couple guys who have been solid (Witt and Peyton) but not spectacular. Richie had a blowup Week 1 but a forgettable Week 2. And the rest aren’t reallydoing enough to help. Again, maybe it’s the lack of chemistry. They’ve had a lot of turnovers and haven’t had a steady flow of offense. Richie being injured hurts, but still, they’ve been competitive. A tilt with Pauly P this week isn’t an idealmatchup to get back on track, but they have good players who just have to figure out how to enable each other. I think their defense is underrated, and Peyton might have the best chance of anyone in the league in slowing down Jimmy. And I honestly hope none of these rumblings and rumors come to fruition, because in a few weeks the narrative on this team could be completely different. But where things stand right now, it’s not great, and they might need a win desperately before things completely unravel.


OTHER THOUGHTS AND STUFF


• Gersitz is moving so different this session. A dunk attempt AND a block stare down in the same game? Who is this guy?

• I really really want to say that Team E’s run is unsustainable. But every time anyone says that about a team with Cole on it, they just find a way. It’s so annoying but even if it is gross to say, you have to respect it. 

• Does Justin make enough of a difference if he plays for Team Crazy? Al’s team reminds me of Justin’s team last session – scary on paper, but bad scary to watch. Maybe it’s his fault somehow? Is that his curse for being so tall?

• I did not lie about the Kellen quote. I don’t expect his squad to drop 80 every week, or for him to shoot 80% again but when they are hot top to bottom like that at full strength who can realistically beat them?

• Pauly P is currently ranked #4 on the player rankings. Could another sneaky MVPauly session be brewing?

• Bryant is not the current worst player, and I don’t think he’s even the most inefficient anymore. Maybe his team should not have him sit on the bench for 10 minutes straight tostart this week.

• E is definitely the leader for Coach of The Year right now.Pauly P not far behind. JT in last.

• Peyton’s one show of emotion per session came early after hitting a step back jumper over Cole and flexing to the scorers table. Sources say they yearned for more. 

• If Team E hits the open waters this week against Al, the Signal chat will be delightful.

• Hypothetically, of course, if specific trade speculationscame to fruition, what would that deal look like? 

• I love the stat keeper stat on the website. Don’t forget to sign your name if you do the stats so we can know who tolambast!

• I hear this week’s podcast is a must-listen! I love listening to it during work every week, so big shout out to Witt, E, and everyone else involved for bringing us great entertainment every week.

Week 3 – We had 2 fans!

10/02/2024
57 - 41
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Gersitz1327710.380469124146957Win
Tall Justin4518650.27738973133441Loss
In a showdown that had our one fan wondering why he came, Team Gersitz emerged victorious over Tall Justin with a final score of 57-41. The game, held at the “packed” local arena, showcased a blend of grit, determination, and a few surprising moments that kept everyone guessing until the opening tip. Bobby “The New Grinder” set the tone early for Gersitz with his relentless defense, racking up 5 steals and keeping the pressure on Tall Justin’s offense. Bobby had a career night offensively, managing 4 points from 2 out of 9 field goals, posting a 20.8 Game Score and +2 GAPE. Eric Boerdner stepped up with a crucial three-pointer and contributed 9 points, 6 rebounds, and 5 assists, showcasing his versatility on the court. Jeff May was the standout performer for Gersitz, scoring 21 points with a 45.5% field goal percentage, proving to be a reliable scorer throughout the game. Mike Ford and Mike Gersitz dominated the boards with 13 rebounds each. Ford added 19 points to Gersitz’s tally. His performance was pivotal in maintaining their lead. Mike Gersitz, despite a dull effort, made his presence felt 2 blocks and 3 steals, adding to the team’s defensive strength. Tall Justin’s Bryant “The Grinder” tried to keep his team in the game with 16 points and 10 rebounds, but it wasn’t enough to overcome Gersitz’s balanced attack. Justin Rybinski added 18 points and 8 rebounds, but the team’s overall shooting woes, with a field goal percentage of just 27.7%, hampered mostly by KO’s turd effort (1/18 shooting). As the clock wound down, Gersitz’s defense tightened, forcing crucial turnovers and limiting Tall Justin’s scoring opportunities. Zach Newberry’s 13 rebounds and 5 assists were notable, but his team couldn’t close the gap. In the end, Gersitz’s superior shooting and rebounding made the difference. The final score of 57-41 reflected a hard-fought game where every player contributed to the victory, even Ford. The fan left the arena buzzing with excitement, already looking to switching out his Bryant The Grinder fan jersey for a Bobby The New Grinder jersey. Fun Fact: Bobby The Grinder almost has as many points as air balls this season. Attendance: 1

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bobby Kendrick00000290.2220.22246001507227.5
Eric Boerdner000014140.2860.32196005113952.9
Jeff May0000110220.4550.4772180011021770.2
Mike Ford000019190.4740.50019130012112588.8
Mike Gersitz00010270.2860.2864130013211660.0
Total0001327710.3800.40157460091241469232.1

Tall Justin

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bryant Brown000308230.3480.3481610000005341.7
Justin Rybinski000147190.3680.4741880012111675.0
Kellen Owen000011180.0560.08337003106-921.5
Zach Newberry00000250.4000.4004130054212479.2
Total0004518650.2770.3154138009731334168.7
10/02/2024
60 - 49
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Cole1228640.43840217298260Win
Curtis2323580.397291511496249Loss

In what was supposed to be a showdown of future Grinders HOF’s, the hype should have been placed on the “role players”. Cole/Hughes vs Witt/Curtis really didn’t materialize the way most prognosticators thought. It turned out to be more of a one-on-one battle between Hughes and Curt for scoring, but He Hate Me ended up getting more out of the rest of their team, which carried them to “the dub”.

Curtis played furious “D” on Cole making it hard for the hefty lefty to get his hands on the ball in any position to score. The rest of the Team Curt defense seemed to forget about their man and continued to cheat to help on the drives of Triumphant Tommy Hughes. This strategy backfired pretty badly as Hughes still dropped 22 points and was able to get others involved also (6 ast). Lil Josh (14/5/5/2) feasted on the liaise fare defense of Jon “Wounded Knee” Witt, consistently punishing his cheat D with jumper after jumper (including a first-half buzzer-beater). Pauly MVPalumbo subbed for Wayne and Boccio and had an outstanding game (12/17/3) while grabbing extra possessions on the offensive end and hitting shots late in the shot clock.

Curtis was just as good on the offensive end as he was on the defensive end. The AD dropped 22 points on 56% shooting including (2) 3’s. His efficiency was not matched by his teammates though. “Bended Knee” Witt continued to be in a shoot first, shoot second, pass late mindset. For the third game in a row, Witt led his team in shot attempts while not outscoring his captain in any game (stat brought to you by unnamed source from Team Curt). Pauly J continued to struggle from the field but did delight the crowd with a late 3 and by gutting Cole on the block and giving him the Mutombo (RIP) finger-wag. E subbed for Team Curt and struggled as well. Outside of the captain, the rest of Team Curt shot 13/40 (that stat also pointed out by an unnamed source in the Team Curt locker room).

A game that was tied at 28 at the half, turned on a 10-0 run by He Hate Me to start the second half. The game was not in too much doubt from that point on.

Pros:
– Lil Josh: 14 points on 16 shots
– Pauly P: 17 rbs, 50% shooting
– Hughes/Cole: 16 ast. combined
– Curtis: 10/18 from the field

Cons:
– Team Curt fg %
– an unnamed source from the Team Curt locker room already wondering if they are doomed to play in the dreaded 5 vs 6 play-in game after week 3

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole221.000105120.4170.41712400102211974.2
Josh Morcelle020.000007160.4380.4381450052011665.6
Tommy Hughes0000210240.4170.45822140060042491.5
Sub000006120.5000.50012170003032380.6
Total240.5001228640.4380.4536040002172982248.1

Curtis

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Curtis Masich0000210180.5560.6112250023112484.1
Jon Witt000108240.3330.3331680064141471.0
Paul Johnson000013100.3000.3507100052021564.4
Sub00010260.3330.33346002222941.8
Total0002323580.3970.42249290015114962203.3
10/02/2024
76 - 66
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Garrett3434830.410351272126476Win
Peyton3431770.40322144235666Loss

Team Garrett lost the opening tip, but immediately went to work after that. Grinders HQ doesn’t keep stats by half – but the beat writers are collectively pretty sure they shot 23/23 with (4) threes to start the game. Garrett and company reached the half-century mark before half-time, much to the delight of the scorekeepers, who pull it to stuff like that. Crazy finished this one with 20pts and 20 GAPE. Tirado knocked down a bunch of circus shots, hit a few threes, and tried to run, quite disrespectfully, right through OMJ’s sternum. Paul MVPalumbo continued his streak of solid performances with an 8pt, 11 Reb, 16 GAPE night. We’re pretty sure Garrett had 14 of his 18 points by halftime. This game was well on its way to being one of the most humiliating blowouts in Grinders history (at least since Helmet’s last achilles blowout).

But then, something all Grinders… no, all men, should know better than to even try, happened. Garrett had his lady friend sit in the rafters for the entire second half to watch and cheer her beau on. This game was like a 20 point slaughter at the half – but then Garrett stopped making baskets, but not taking shots. Team Peyton turned on the switch and started a furious comeback. Grant led the game with 29 points and 23 GAPE. Peyton did Peyton shit, scoring 20 points on 45.5% shooting, Three Buck Chuck hit some tres and dished out 5 assists. OMJ, despite Tirado’s nasty and vile attempted assault, stood so hard that he nearly shattered the leagues most obnoxious Yankee fans bones (much to the delight of the scorekeepers… who you know… pull it to these sorts of things). Oh, this comeback was sweet, Team Peyton was fired up!

It was all for nothing though. A game that saw Team Garrett’s lead get whittled down to tantalizingly close 6 points, finished anticlimactically with Garrett remembering how to hit his free throws. Team Garrett won by 10.

Fun Fact:
Garrett’s Lady Friend wouldn’t stop staring at this beat writers dick.

Attendance: 1

Garrett

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico0001010160.6250.6252030033022069.4
Garrett Beesing441.000107200.3500.350189002002959.2
Jon Tirado000047180.3890.5001840012041058.9
Josh Lanzot000006200.3000.300128003224956.8
Paul Palombo00010490.4440.4448110030001662.5
Total441.0003434830.4100.43476350012721264220.1

Peyton

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chuck Thomasulo000333110.2730.40993005200853.8
Grant Decz0000114320.4380.4532990020212389.0
Jon Urbaniak000004120.3330.33384003100845.4
Peyton Urbaniak0000010220.4550.4552060041021769.2
Total0003431770.4030.4296622001442356194.9

Week 2 – Nobody’s Good

09/25/2024
66 - 73
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Garrett2829720.40334144196566Loss
Curtis4234810.42041136968273Win

This game was a tale of TWO HALVES – a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde if you will.  In a game full of expectations onlookers were treated to a Titans clash.  Sweaty man bodies pounding against one another as loud moans could be heard from the bar…a DIDDY FREAK OFF?!?!?! On to the game….

Team Garrett got out to a blistering start tearing apart some of the worst ZONE defense GRINDERS have ever seen.  Burying shots from everywhere.  Jonny T $$ was hitting bank shots, deep shots and back shots all night long.  Draining (7) Three pointers while leading the team with 22 pts.  “Crazy” Al was slicing through the lane dropping his usual beautiful mid-range game that eats zones alive, putting in 18pts and 7 rebounds.  Captain Garrett chipped in a well-rounded all-around game with a quiet double-double going for 11pts and 11 boards.  Pauly P did what he does, he comes to work and does his job.  He is a consummate pro; you need a double-double? BANG you got it.  Give the man a job and he’s going to provide!!  Not to mention he was uber efficient shooting 63%?!?! But was it enough???

Team Curtis showed up to this game with meager expectations.  Was the first game a peek into what this Grinders season had in store for them? Or was it a game of smoke and mirrors??  The first half for the onlookers was possible proof that the first game of the season was a look into the future.  Going down by as many as 17 pts in the first half.  Sitting in a ZONE D they were getting drilled over and over (Thank you sir may I have another) as JT just tossed up trey after trey in their face.  Team Curtis went into halftime looking for a prayer.  Some mid game adjustments and a switch to man D…WHAT A DIFFERENCE!! The lead began to be chopped limb by limb.  The Serb showed a new side to his game, which in all reality should worry the league.  HE PLAYED IN THE PAINT!!  Was dominant in the paint, dropping sky hooks and bank shots.  Team Garrett reacted to slowly as the damage was already done.  Dropping a 32/10/4 while shooting over 50% is never good for any team hes facing.  J DUBS continued his slashing style of play cutting to the net consistently and creating havoc in the paint.  While not the most efficient stat line shooting just about 30%, he seems to have shaken off the rust and looking to be potent the rest of the season.  Taking a team high 32 shots in this game he must subscribe to the great Wayne Gretzky Michael Scott analogy “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.  Another player also looking to break free from the IR was PJ.  He came into this game coming off a rough first game.  Looking to put himself back on the map as a premier Grinder.  Id say he do so with an extremely solid line, shooting over 50% with 15 points and 11 boards.  Rounding out the scoring was a couple chip in buckets from General Muldowney.  A player whose game isn’t predicated on the points but more on the Rebounds and a flare for the theatrics.  Was team Curtis able to pull it off…..

With this game looking like a blowout for Team Garrett in the first half.  Turned into a redemption story and come back by Team Curtis, who walks away with BIG DUBS 73-66.  With the league parity better than it ever has been in the past, these games early in the season could loom large for future matchups…

Garrett

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico000009250.3600.3601870031021162.3
Garrett Beesing000215140.3570.39311110050121566.3
Jon Tirado000078220.3640.5232350051021883.9
Paul Palombo000007110.6360.63614110012032174.2
Total0002829720.4030.4586634001441965212.8

Curtis

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Cory Muldowney00010280.2500.2504150052212071.1
Curtis Masich340.7501114270.5190.537321000423034111.8
Jon Witt0002011320.3440.344225003134759.2
Paul Johnson000017140.5000.53615110011112177.9
Total340.7504234810.4200.4327341001369682260.7

09/25/2024
67 - 56
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Tall Justin3729750.38732126256367Win
Peyton01023580.39725733104956Loss

Going in, this seemed to be a fairly even matchup – but it didn’t take long for T eam Time-Shifter Justin to assert their dominance. You may look at the box score and see a quite mediocre performance from Captain Justin: 5/21 shooting is not what we usually see from super tall guy. But in the case of shooting the ball, you can always count on Bryant to carry the load – and he turned in possibly his best career game, dropping 29 points on a defense that for 35 minutes had no interest in guarding him. Zach delivered another quality-over-quantity performance, with an 11/10/5 stat line and a lots of hustle on defense. Tirado subbed for the missing KO and drained three from range and was the second-leading scorer with 16 points. It’s not too out of the ordinary to see 30 shots out of Bryant, but if he can produce more performances like this, Team Justin could be a serious threat down the road.

For Team Peyton, you kind of knew what type of performance they were going to give after watching them for 5 minutes. In the span of 20 seconds, Peyton ran off with an ouchie on his fingie, Chuck fled the gym to upchuck (lol), and OMJ was steamed that him and his kin could not connect on a single pass. Grant as usual was there just having a good time, but despite a 20 point and 11 rebound effort, could not bring his teammates together. Peyton ended with 14 points and 8 boards, but also had a backbreaking 6 turnovers. Chuck started hot and netted 6 three-pointers, but noticeably fell off in the second half. OMJ shot 2/8 but dished out 5 assists. Fatigue and lackluster effort may have been Team Peyton’s undoing, and with a matchup against Team Garrett coming up, a similar showing could very well produce a similar result.

Tall Justin

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bryant Brown0002313300.4330.4832960022141774.6
Justin Rybinski000015210.2380.26211120021101167.4
Zach Newberry120.50000580.6250.62511100052002484.0
Sub120.500136160.3750.4691640031011161.5
Total240.5003729750.3870.4336732001262563217.4

Peyton

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chuck Thomasulo000066150.4000.6001820020101472.5
Grant Decz000048190.4210.52620110000031775.0
Jon Urbaniak00000280.2500.25044005011738.6
Peyton Urbaniak000007160.4380.4381480003161153.1
Total00001023580.3970.4835625007331049168.0

09/25/2024
61 - 52
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Gersitz0229670.433321673156561Win
Cole5225680.36828117074152Loss

In a very dull, unexciting basketball matchup, the teams led by Mike Gersitz and Chris Cole put on a “show”. Both captains delivered standout performances, but it was the team dynamics and individual contributions that truly defined the game.

Gersitz’s squad shined throughout the night. Mike Gersitz was the shiniest star of the night, scoring 28 points with an impressive 70% field goal percentage. It was kind of like nobody tried to stop him. His all-around game was on full display as he added 4 rebounds, 4 assists, and 4 steals. Despite not attempting any free throws or three-pointers, Gersitz’s efficiency was unmatched. E Boerdner provided a strong presence in the paint, securing 12 points and 12 rebounds. Although his shooting was less accurate at 33.3%, his contributions were vital. Boerdner also chipped in with 4 assists and 4 turnovers. Mike “I can’t Turn Left” Ford struggled with his shooting, hitting only 2 of his 10 attempts, but he made up for it with 9 rebounds and 4 assists. Jeff May added 16 points, 7 rebounds, and 4 assists, along with 2 steals and 3 blocks, showcasing his defensive prowess. Overall, Gersitz’s team shot 43.3% from the field and 44.8% in effective field goal percentage, totaling 61 points. They dominated the boards with 32 rebounds and shared the ball effectively with 16 assists. Their defense was solid, recording 7 steals and 3 blocks, but they struggled with 15 turnovers. They’ll need to improve on that against other non-Chris Cole led teams.

Chris Cole matched Gersitz’s scoring output with 28 points, shooting 48.1% from the field. Cole was a force on the boards, grabbing 16 rebounds and maintaining an effective field goal percentage of 51.9%. Lil Josh added 6 points and 4 rebounds, while Mike Boccio contributed 6 points and 5 rebounds. Both players had shooting percentages of 37.5% and 33.3%, respectively. Tommy Hughes, despite a tough shooting night with only 25% from the field, scored 12 points and led the team with 7 assists and 5 steals. Cole’s team shot a despicable 36.8% from the field and 38.2% in effective field goal percentage, scoring a total of 52 points. They pulled down 28 rebounds and recorded 11 assists. Their defense was strong with 7 steals and only 7 turnovers, showcasing their ability to protect the ball.

This game did not have fans.

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Eric Boerdner120.500015150.3330.36712120040041363.8
Jeff May020.000008220.3640.3641670042381057.4
Mike Ford020.000012100.2000.250590041001154.9
Mike Gersitz0000014200.7000.7002840044033190.8
Total160.1670229670.4330.44861320016731565206.5

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole0000213270.4810.519281600200230101.8
Josh Morcelle00000380.3750.37564000101534.2
Mike Boccio00010390.3330.33365002101637.5
Tommy Hughes000206240.2500.250123007503452.0
Total0003225680.3680.3825228001170745174.6

Week 1 Recap – Full of Bologna



09/18/2024
48 - 74
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Gersitz6621670.313341174183448Loss
Garrett3634740.45930199488574Win

Kicking off the 2024 Fall Session, we saw two captains who decided to not show up and let their teams fend for themselves. In place of Gersitz/Ford and Garrett/Lanzot/Salvati, Wayne and Cole filled in respectively. Yawn snooze boring!

Team Gersitz just couldn’t find their rhythm, as E and Jeff May combined for 12/33 shooting, and 10 combined turnovers. Not ideal! New guy Bobby made his debut and dazzled with an 0/9 line and 5 airballs. Sub man Wayne tried his darndest, getting hot from behind the arc, but it was much too little and far too late. A very forgettable opener for the team that was heavily touted as a favorite post-draft, but hopefully Gersitz and Ford can return soon to get them into form.

Team Garrett just simply outshot and outperformed their opponents, getting open mid ranges and layups at will.  “Crazy” Al had his way with the soft defense, hitting his patented 10 foot jumpers at a stellar 52% clip. He ran circles around the very slow T eam Gersitz, and garnered 4 steals. The Real MVP Pauly P showed no signs of slowing down from last session, dropping 12 points, 14 rebounds, and 7 combined steals and blocks.  “Bang Bang” Jon Tirado hit 4 three-balls on 19 shots, but also added 5 assists. Submarine Cole shot 9/15 to the tune of a 20/10/6 stat line and a 30 GAPE. Hopefully next time these squads face off, they are at full strength and we can see a much more competitive game.

Fun Fact:

Neither “Captain” played in a game for first time in Grinder History
(editors note: may or may not be true.  Nobody actually fact checked, but GAPE Chicken said it’s probably true.)

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bobby Kendrick00050090.0000.000011002214-217.5
Eric Boerdner000116170.3530.382135004203953.2
Jeff May000006160.3750.3751280031371052.6
Sub000059250.3600.46023100022041780.7
Total0006621670.3130.35848340011741834159.9

Garrett

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico0001013250.5200.5202640044012482.5
Jon Tirado000146190.3160.421162005002755.0
Paul Palombo000006150.4000.40012140043442486.3
Sub000129150.6000.66720100062013099.4
Total0003634740.4590.5007430001994885246.7


09/18/2024
47 - 37
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Cole2222520.423361451135747Win
Tall Justin2317550.3091797643237Loss

An early season meeting between 2 teams who could/should be involved in the semi-final story at the end of the season. Both teams were missing key components to their end-game. He Hate Me was missing league villain Tommy “Over the Hill” Hughes while Tall Justin was missing Richie “Bet on Black” Creamer and Mike “Shuge” Benjamin.

Tall Justin’s squad came out firing on all cylinders with Bryant the “Smooth Criminal” splashing (2) 3’s in Cole’s smug face as well as Tall Justin man-handling Wayne “Business Decisions” Haynes on the block and in the mid-range. The Tall Boys jumped out to a quick 9 point lead to start the game.

It was at that moment when “Lil” Josh decided to put his footprint on the game (and up the TallBoys’ arses). He picked Kellen “Stop It” Owen up full court and disrupted their offensive flow. “Lil” Josh wasn’t just a defensive specialist. He continued to splash jumper after jumper in the faces of the TallBoys and their “matador D”. Josh continued his desecration of his opponent further by using his patented pump fake to free himself for more jumpers to be splashed. At one point this reporter swears they saw him give Zach “I’m Retired” Newberry the finger as he flew by like a sheet of paper in the breeze, before laying one in and slapping the board. Not to be outdone, Mike “Charlie Hustle” Boccio picked up his defensive effort with a steal and coast to coast layup. Boccio channelled his inner Rodman and gobbled up offensive rebound after offensive rebound as the He Hate Me offense took advantage of the extra possessions.

The game started to look like a runaway but the veteran TallBoys team mounted a furious comeback led by a Kellen 3 and a plethora of Bryant layup on a hapless Cole and the low-post game of Newberry. He Hate Me was able to rally and turn up the defensive intensity (also known as “No blood no foul”), stop the scoring run, and pull away late.

Highlights from the game:
“Lil” Josh: 6/13, 13/5/2/2
Boccio’s hustle: 6/4/3 (reb/ast/stl)
Newberry: Hero Baller of the Week
Cole: Guy of the Week

Lowlights:
Bryant getting punked in front of his “loved ones” in the rafters
Tallboys’ shooting percentage (31%)
He Hate Me decision making: 13 TO’s

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole0000210120.8330.917221200601435111.2
Josh Morcelle120.500006130.4620.4621350022031152.7
Mike Boccio00010190.1110.11126004303330.0
Wayne Haynes000105180.2780.2781013002003853.2
Total120.5002222520.4230.44247360014511357183.9

Tall Justin

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bryant Brown000226230.2610.304144001101041.7
Justin Rybinski000006180.3330.3331230022511158.3
Kellen Owen00001290.2220.27852002001128.8
Zach Newberry00000350.6000.600680044112072.5
Total0002317550.3090.336371700976432146.6


09/18/2024
61 - 50
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Peyton4528660.42429102365761Win
Curtis1224640.3753253024750Loss

Opening week’s grand finale saw the not-so-triumphant return of Pauly J and Jon Witt to the Eldredge courts, along with the legendary Grant Decz, who apparently decided to play basketball for something to do. Team Peyton was all set to exploit Team Curtis’ roster of rehab veterans and prove that Captain Tenneal’s season preview was just a load of baloney.

Old Man Jon kicked things off with a “jumper” that actually went in, and from that point, Team Curtis was playing catch-up like a dog chasing its tail. Captain Peyton was on fire, shooting 11-24 for 22 points before deciding to audition for the Harlem Globetrotters with some wild shots from downtown, much to the horror of his senior teammates. He also snagged 10 rebounds for a double-double. Grant “Pardon Me” Decz, despite running out of steam towards the end, managed his own double-double (16/14) and even swatted away three of Curtis Masich’s layup attempts. Yes, you read that right – first game in years and Grant’s already in beast mode. OMJ and Chuck T combined for 9/19, with Chuck hitting a ludicrous 5/10 from three-point land. Team Peyton’s win was never in doubt as they collectively shot 42.4% for the evening.

Meanwhile, Team Curtis looked like they were playing a game of “Who Can Miss More?” Mythic WAPers Curtis and Jon Witt didn’t meet a shot they didn’t like. Jon “Traveling Man” Witt was a respectable 11/24 for 22 points, but Curtis could only muster 17 points off a disappointing 8/21 shooting. Paul J was shaking off more rust than an old lawnmower and struggled with his shot all night.  Cory Muldowney was matched up against Peyton, OMJ, and Chuck – who combined still give up 30lbs to the full-figured big man.  Captain Curtis must have missed that mismatch memo though, as Cory only managed 5 shots and was made completely irrelevant.  That and… Chuck T completely handled him down low.  Be better Team Curtis.

Fun Fact:

Curtis is shooting 38.1% for the season.

OMJ is shooting better than Curtis.
Peyton is shooting better than Curtis.
Grant is shooting better than Curtis.
Chuck is shooting better than Curtis.

Peyton

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chuck Thomasulo000155100.5000.7501510020001269.2
Grant Decz000008200.4000.40016140021312386.5
Jon Urbaniak00020490.4440.44484003002637.5
Peyton Urbaniak0001011270.4070.40722100031031672.1
Total0004528660.4240.4626129001023657185.9

Curtis

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Cory Muldowney00001350.6000.7007110000001669.6
Curtis Masich000118210.3810.4051780012001466.7
Jon Witt0000011240.4580.4582270030001974.5
Paul Johnson000002140.1430.14346001102-226.7
Total0001224640.3750.391503200530247175.0


Week 2 Recap

01/31/2024
41 - 63
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Peyton3518470.383161260103341Loss
Cole11325510.490271651107563Win

Ah, the thrilling basketball showdown between Team Chris and the Peyton Panthers—a clash of titans that left spectators on the edge of their seats. Let’s dive into the stats, shall we?

Team Chris: The “Almost There” Squad
Grinder’s resident loudmouth Chris Cole decided to channel his inner Steph Curry last week. With a whopping 1 three-pointer, he made sure the opposing team knew that he’s not just here for the free snacks during halftime. And hey, shooting 75% from the field? That’s practically like hitting a bullseye while blindfolded. Kudos, Chris! Ah, Chuck. His shooting form is as consistent as a broken clock. With 3 three-pointers and a 0.300 FG%, he’s basically saying, “Why settle for easy shots when you can make life interesting?” Jon, Jon, Jon. His 5 three-pointers are like a fireworks show—bright, flashy, and leaving everyone wondering if they’ll ever come down. Wayne, oh Wayne. His 4 three-pointers are like a symphony of swishes. Shooting 55.6% from the field? It’s practically a love letter to the rim, saying, “You complete me.” And that 0.667 EFG%? Well, it’s the kind of precision that would make a Swiss watch jealous. Wayne is the hero we didn’t know we needed. This team made it rain all game long and coasted to a blow out win – with Jon T capping the game with an insulting final three.

Peyton: The Unstoppable Force
Bryant “The Grinder”, because apparently regular names just won’t cut it, had 2 three-pointers and 0.389 FG%. Bryant’s stats are basically an orgy of chaos. It’s like saying, “I’m here to disrupt your plans, one missed shot at a time. Eric shoots like he’s aiming for the moon. “I will probably miss, but when I don’t, it’s magical.” Jimmy’s shooting form is smoother than a jazz saxophonist on a moonlit night. With 2 three-pointers and a 0.529 FG%, he’s practically whispering to the ball, “You’re my muse, baby.” And that 0.588 EFG%? Well, let’s just say it’s the kind of efficiency that would make Marie Kondo proud—every shot sparks joy. Jimmy, is a work of art. Mike Benjamin, this team’s former resident phantom, decided to play hide-and-seek with the basket. Zero points, zero field goals, and zero EFG%. Worm was heard saying “Scoring? Nah, I prefer existential contemplation.” Team captain Peyton Urbaniak, the enigma wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a basketball jersey, “contributed” nothing. Zero points, zero field goals, and zero EFG%. When interviewed after the game, Peyton shrugged, “I’m not here to impress anyone. I’m here to baffle everyone.” Peyton, you’ve got us all scratching our heads. And finally, Tommy Hughes—the invisible man. Zero points, zero field goals, zero EFG%, and zero everything else. It’s like he’s saying, “I’m not even sure how I got on this court, but hey, I’m here.” Tommy, you’re the unsung hero of obscurity. In summary, the Peyton Panthers put on a “show” that’s equal parts dazzling and head-scratching. They’ve got more zeros than a Sudoku puzzle.

Fun fact: GAPE Chicken lost Tommy’s stat line. Sorry big guy, that’s why we try to keep limited to the Graphic’s department.

Peyton

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bryant Brown000227180.3890.444162001106133.7
Eric Carlson00001250.4000.50053001101641.3
Jimmy Zeitz000029170.5290.5882060022022075.6
Mike Benjamin00010030.0000.00000003001-22.5
Peyton Urbaniak00000040.0000.00005005200830.0
Tommy Hughes0000000000000000000.0
Total0003518470.3830.43641160012601033127.7

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole00001680.7500.8131350051012180.1
Chuck Thomasulo000133100.3000.450970022021058.5
Jon Tirado000056150.4000.5671750051051470.6
Wayne Haynes0000410180.5560.667241000411230101.8
Total00011325510.4900.61863270016511075210.3

01/31/2024
56 - 65
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
E0625630.397291320125056Loss
Pauly P5230650.46235197238265Win

7:30 Team Fordner 56 vs Team MV Palombo 65
“The Battle of the Big Guys.” “The Return of Mr. 47.” “Supporting cast Scuffle.” These are all titles that this game could have had. Instead, the only “big guys” that showed up were Ford and Gersitz and Mr. 47 looked more like Mr. 4.7. Alas, onto the game.

It looked like Team Fordner was looking to feature Zach “DIVA Skyhook” Newberry on the block as the key cog to their offensive gameplan. Newbs was able to dominate Justin “Achilles Heel” Gerardi in the post. Newbs went 7/12 for 14 points down low. He also bullied his way to 10 rebounds on the much, much, smaller defender. In fact the self-proclaimed “DIVA of Destruction” beat up poor defenseless Helmet so badly that a double team was brought on every touch. This allowed Zach to collect a tidy 5 assists, many of them to Mike “They Better Not Leave Me Open” Ford. Mr. “I Travel for Work” had himself a game (and a spiked milkshake after). Ford dropped 27 on his defenseless counterparts on 11/21 shooting, including a career-high (5) 3’s. With those kind of numbers, Team Fordener should have ran out to an easy win……except they let Cole and E touch the ball. Cole and E combined for a pathetic 7/30 shooting performance with only (1) 3 pointer made. At certain points of the game Gersitz wasn’t even covering Cole, and allowing him to shoot. It was that bad.

Team MVPalombo welcomed back former league superstar Mike “My Neck and My Back” Malicki. Malicki must have caught whatever shooting virus that plagued E and Cole as his return was quite lackluster. Malicki went 2/15 and had a -8 GAPE. Not the return he wanted, but it was good to see him on the court again. Luckily for their squad former DADBOD great Mike “Cobra” Salvati stepped up to the plate and delivered big time. Salvati slithered his way to 16 points on a scorching 8/11 shooting performance. He also chipped in with 5 boards, 1 assist, and 1 steal. Captain P. toyed with the awful defense in front of him and almost had a triple-double (10/12/8). “P” picked up right where he left off on his quest for back to back MVP’s.

Speaking of heroic efforts, we’d like to bring back the exploits of one Justin “Warpath” Gerardi. With Ford playing “velcro-like” defense Helmet decided to remind everyone about his personal line of posters that he gives out. First he splashed a 3 right in Ford’s 8 chins. Second, he hit a pull-up J in Ford’s eye. Lastly, he out ran Ford on a fast-break, took off from the bottom of the circle, and finger-rolled one of the most beautiful layups Grinders has ever seen. In a fit of jealousy, Ford placed one of his travel pamphlets on the court behind Helmet, causing a banana peel situation. Helmet slipped and partially tore his achilles. Speedy recovery sir!

While we speak of exploits, we must retrace our steps to DIVA Newberry. Newbs used to be one of Grinder’s best defenders. Now that he is being used as a go-to scorer, he has apparently decided to only play on that end. Mike “Starch Your Whites” Gersitz lit up Newberry like a J on 4/20. Gersitz had a league high 38 GAPE with a 27/11/6/2/2 stat line on 60% shooting. Maybe he figured out the trick to bustin’ Newbs or maybe Newbs, in his new role, layed down like a paid lady of the eve. You be the judge.

Fun facts from the game:
Ford’s 27 points are a career high. As are his 5 three’s.
Ford gave up more than 27 from all the people he “guarded.”
Team Fordener (0-2) could be the first team in Grinders history not to qualify for the postseason.

E

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Eric Boerdner000014160.2500.281910001105443.5
Mike Ford0000511210.5240.6432760010032180.1
Zach Newberry000007120.5830.58314100051012481.9
Sub000003140.2140.21463006003132.5
Total0000625630.3970.44456290013201250174.2

Pauly P

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Justin Gerardi00001360.5000.583750011001154.8
Mike Gersitz221.0000112200.6000.625271100622038117.2
Mike Malicki120.500302150.1330.13352003102-815.0
Mike Salvati000108110.7270.7271650011001968.3
Paul Palombo000105130.3850.38510120082012280.4
Total340.7505230650.4620.4776535001972382243.0

01/31/2024
58 - 47
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Old Man Jon3327580.4662295\1124758Win
Crazy0433750.440371611188547Loss

8:30 primetime game Team OMJ vs Team Crazy.

A (forfeit) game that featured some subs was close early with Team OMJ going back and forth between man and zone. Also included the unfortunate injury of Helmet who was subbing. Which led to Wayne coming in to play and creating havoc on offense and defense scoring 28 points combined with other sub. Garrett “Lumberjack” Beesing had what is becoming a standard week for him with 22 points and 12 Rebounds.

Curtis “Love every shot” Masich started off cold but finished strong when it was too late for a comeback with 31 points. Not having Big Josh definitely hurt Team OMJ in this one and no matter what defense they were in Team captain “Crazy” AL couldn’t be stopped having 20 points and even attempted a three pointer this game. Team Crazy getting its first win of the season now has 4 teams in grinders at 1-1

Old Man Jon

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Curtis Masich0001314340.4120.45631100021112393.0
Jon Urbaniak00010240.5000.50044004006327.5
Josh Morcelle00000450.8000.80082001102948.3
Mike Boccio000107150.4670.4671460022031254.4
Total0003327580.4660.4915722009411247149.2

Crazy

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico0000010270.3700.37020100024021777.9
Garrett Beesing0000210270.3700.407221200831326101.4
Sub0000213210.6190.667281500640342124.1
Total0000433750.4400.46770370016111885254.3