Author: Kenny Blankenship

Blankenship is a high-school dropout whose uncle owns Grinders. Kenny is very unprofessional about reporting, far less serious about the job than Vic is. Despite his non-professional, simplistic stand-point, he claims to make ten times the amount that Vic does because of his uncle being one of the Grinders bosses. Kenny has also been stated to own a condo complex from all the money that he earns from reporting and drives a Volkswagen Jetta. During his reporting, Kenny usually spends his time commenting on the sexual appeal of the effeminate Grinders and how much he likes beer, pizza, and seeing the majority of Grinders fail.
by Kenny Blankenship

What are the Game Score, WAP, GAPE, and Hero stats all about?

If you are a Grinder who has said to himself, “Man – this website we have is tits, but I don’t get what some of these dumb stats OMJ posts on here are.” Then this blog is for you!

WAP (aka “What’s a Pass?”) (aka %TmFGA)

Formula: Field Goals Attempted/Total Team Field Goals Attempted (FGA/TmFGA)

Why highlight it? We like to highlight guys who shoot a lot.

GAPE (aka Grinders Analytical Performance Evaluation… or something like that)

Formula: (Points+Rebounds+Assists+Steals+Blocks-Turnovers-Air Balls – Missed Shots)

Why highlight it? This is the Grinders version of the NBA’s Player Efficiency Rating stat.

Hero (aka %TmGAPE)

Formula: (GAPE/TmGAPE)

Why Highlight it? This stat generally highlights the Grinder who ends up being the “go-to-guy” on a team. In theory, you could use this stat to help indicate who the most valuable players are to their teams.

Examples of Hero’s:

Last week, Chris Cole had a GAPE of 19. Not bad! His team had a total GAPE of 22. That’s bad! Chris was the hero of the week because he literally was the only guy who did anything for his team, statistically speaking (19/22 = 86.4%). That’s an unusually high Hero% though.

Most season leaders have been slightly over .500 (Tall Justin, Curtis, Gersitz, etc – all-around excellent Grinders).

Game Score (aka GmScore)

Formula: The average of:

  • FG%/.500
  • Pts/20
  • Rebounds/10
  • (Assists+Steals+Blocks-TOs-Air Balls)/10

Why highlight it? The highest Game Score = Best individual all-around performance, based on benchmarks for each of the above.

Example 1:

In a typical “good OMJ game”, he goes 3/4, 6 points, 4 rebounds, 2 assists and 3 turnovers – his Game Score:

  • .750/.500 = 150%
  • 6/20 = 33.3%
  • 4/10 = 40%
  • (2-3=-1) -1/10 = -10%
  • GmScore = Average of 150, 33.3, 40, and -10. = 53.35
  • That’s fine, but not great.

Also – a Grinder can sometimes just be really good at everything. The example below – Chaz shoots 40% from the floor but scores a ton and does a lot of other good stuff.

Example 2:

  • Chaz shoots 12/30, for 30 points (he hits 6 threes), has 20 rebounds, throws in 1 block, 2 steals, 7 assists, has 4 turnovers, and air balls 2.
  • 12/30=40%, 40%/50%=80%
  • 30/20 = 166%
  • 20/10 = 200%
  • (1+2+7-4-2)= 4, 4/10 = 40%
  • GmScore = Average of 80, 166, 200, and 40. = 121.5
  • That’s really excellent, despite the turnovers and airballs.

Here’s more examples in Table form:

Check it out for yourself. Grinders are ranked in order on the stats leader pages based on this stat. Check out the career stats, or previous season stats. I feel pretty good about the order the top guys are in (and the bottom guys for that matter), as far as who was the best and worst. Of course – there is always going to be debate, but this stat without fault puts the top guys at the top.

by Kenny Blankenship

Draft Review… Review

Here’s what our esteemed beat-writer Captain Tenneal had to say after the draft this season:

Tall-Justin: Should reach the semis (in semis)

Team Peyton: fighting for play in game (finished 2nd, in semis)

Team Gersitz: easy path to semis, possible finals. (Lost play-in)

Team Garrett: Fight to make play-in game (finished 1st, in semis)

Team Curtis: Play-in game or semis (lol)

Team Cole: semis, battling to make Finals

In typical Grinder Beat Writer fashion… NAILED IT!

Quick Preview of tonight’s games:

1 Garrett vs Tall Justin 5

Team Garrett takes on play-in game winner Tall Justin.  Tall Justin is coming off an absolutely dominant performance last week, 14/18 (3/4 FT – put him in the HOF), 32 points, 11 boards, 39 GAPE and a Game Score of 122.3!  This team is not your typical 5th seed – playing more like a top-tier team since the return of Richie “Will Work for Food” Creamer.  KO on defense, Zach on defense, Bryant The Grinder… the team slays.

Garrett wins by 7.

3 Cole vs Peyton 2

The season series between these two squads ended in Team P winning by 2, and by 1 in the season finale.  That last game, by the way, was an exemplary example of gentlemanly play.  Just 9 dudes having a fun time and shooting some friendly hoops.  It’s what Grinders is all about.  Or something like that.  

Will Team Cole solve Team Peyton?  Unclear – these have been the most evenly matched games all season.  Grant and Wayne have been unstoppable.  Peyton and Chuck have been shooting lights out, and Chris Cole has been his usual top-notch self.  Tommy continually does Tommy stuff.  Will it come down to the 4th guy on each team?  Or which of the top 6 guys are going to win it for their team?

This one ends in another close one.  Team Cole by 1.

by Kenny Blankenship

Playoff Picture

The final week of our regular season is approaching, and the final bye in the first round of the playoffs is still up for grabs.  Gersitz and company wrapped up first place last week when they curb-stomped Team Jimmy. Jimmy wrapped up last place with this week’s forfeit (again) to KO.  Jeff May and his team of old men locked up 5th place.  Second through fourth remain wide open…

2023.3

PosTeamFormWLL5STRKTmFG%TmFGA%PFPADIFFTm GAPE
1
W W L
824-1L10.4230.34053474360.8
2
L W W
734-1W20.3910.38852511456.6
3
W L W
643-2W10.3530.35352483551.6
4
L L W
552-3W10.4100.3845656056.4
5
L L L
280-5L50.3500.3895254-1644.5
6
L W L
281-4L10.3370.3994958-7638.5

Tie-breakers:

  • Head-to-head
  • Overall Point Differential (Grinders is using the average point differential per game so teams aren’t unfairly impacted by other teams forfeitures).
  • Head-to-head Point Differential

Team Curtis Scenarios:

  • 2nd: Win against Gersitz and/or Cole loses to Jeff May
  • 3rd: Lose against Gersitz and Cole wins against Jeff May 

Team Cole Scenarios:

  • 2nd: Win against Jeff May and Curtis loses to Gersitz
  • 3rd: Win against Jeff May and Curtis wins vs Gersitz
  • 4th: Lose to Jeff May

Team KO Scenarios:

  • 3rd: Cole loses to Jeff May
  • 4th: Cole wins vs Jeff May

Other fun “Stuff”:

MVP: Chris Cole goes up against league favorite Paul Palumbo Wednesday – with more than just playoff implications on the line.  The winner of this head-to-head battle will probably get that coveted League MVP award.  Grinders fans know who to root for.

WAP & FGA: I know, I know, Curtis has a 12 shot lead over Bryant The Grinder… in two less games.  Bryant has a slight WAP lead over our reigning ball hogger.

Hero: Cole, Paul P, and Jimmy Z could all walk away as the “hero”.

Helmet: Air Balls vs (FGM x 3).  Too bad his team forfeits this week…

by Kenny Blankenship

Week 5 Review
10/25/2023
37 - 58
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Curtis5118560.3211871071337Loss
Cole1626520.50024178177458Win
Week 6 started, and ended, with a blowout. Although there was an actual final score, Captain Curtis could be heard saying “37 to who fucking cares. They played like it was Game 7 of the Finals. Who the fuck is Chuck? He’s NEVER played that hard. Also give him 17 more fouls. One rebound? What the fuck OMJ? ONE REBOUND?” Curtis did lead his team’s “Effort” with 14/1/1 and a GAPE of… 1. Ben was fine if you ignore the 6 turnovers… 2 GAPE. Little Josh? Minus 1 GAPE. Thank god for Joe The Grinder and Boccio The Grinder. At least they tried their best. It’s quite possible this team is terrible. Team Cole, on the other hand, still manages to get quality subs for Richie… who was knowingly picked despite being unavailable for the first 6 weeks. Wayne has stink eye. So Peyton “Him” offered his talents – holding Ben in check and contributing 20 GAPE. Bang Bang Daddy shot 45.5% and had 11/3/4. That’s all fine and good. But Team Captain Christopher “Alphabet That Call Wasn’t Audible Enough Fuck You Curtis” Cole continued his bid for league MVP (asterisked with Gersitz on DL). 15 points on 62.5 EFG%, 7 board and 7 assists on quality passes against a disinterested Team Curtis. Chuck “Mama Mita” T came out HOT, drilling his first 4 shots en route to a game high 20 points on 56.3/62.5% shooting. Chuck would have had an easy double/double had his captain not gotten jealous of all the attention he was getting… and stealing numerous rebounds. Contrary to what Curtis said – Chuck did not have 21 PFs. He had 4. Suck it Curtis. 22 GAPE for Chuck. 24 for Chris. Nice work. Goonfish.

Curtis

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Ben Sears000005160.3130.313107002006234.7
Curtis Masich000207200.3500.350141001000134.2
Joe Marie 000115100.5000.550113000001743.5
Josh Morcelle00010040.0000.00004000000-17.5
Mike Boccio00010160.1670.16723004100427.1
Total0005118560.3210.33037180071071397.9

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole 000036120.5000.6251570071002490.9
Chuck Thomasulo000129160.5630.6252040024002279.9
Jon Tirado000015110.4550.500113004004846.3
Sub000006130.4620.46212100043132073.9
Total0001626520.5000.5585824001781774207.7
10/25/2023
Canceled
Preview

Team Jimmy forfeited. Only 2 Grinders.

Gersitz

FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
0000000000000000000

Jimmy

FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
0000000000000000000
10/25/2023
Canceled
Preview

KO breaks 2 game skid on forfeit win. Jeff May forfeit with 2 Grinders.

Jeff May

FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
0000000000000000000

KO

FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
0000000000000000000
by Kenny Blankenship

Week 4 Review
10/18/2023
37 - 68
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jimmy10516720.2223396491337Loss
Jeff May1432850.37651195248268Win

Bryant The Grinder made it through the entirety of the basketball game, sans vomit. Well done new guy. Speaking of Bryant, the scorers table was left awestruck at how uninhibited he was to fire up shots as soon as he touched the ball. Even Curtis “Mr. WAP” was offended by all those shots. Eventually, after being shamed by the scorers table, Bryant did pass the rock. 0 assists, 28/8 for a GAP of 12. You do the math. Salvati was allowed to shoot 18 times in garbage time, which there was plenty of. Paul Palumbo had a 27 GAPE – continuing his searing start to this Grinders season. He will be 1st team All-Grinder if he keeps this up. Some goonfish subbed.

Team Jimmy-less struggled. That HOF’er Boerdner improved from his previous game – and contributed negative 3 GAPE in this one. Helmet? 4 air balls (in a row nonetheless), negative 4 GAPE. This team’s sub shot under 16%. Mike Ford had all 14 of his team’s GAPE. What a guy. This game was a blowout from the start.

Jimmy

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Eric Boerdner000226260.2310.269144003002-339.8
Justin Gerardi000412100.2000.25053000011-417.4
Mike Ford 000025170.2940.35312130012131469.4
Sub000403190.1580.158613005423757.5
Total00010516720.2220.257373300964914143.1

Jeff May

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bryant Brown0001213370.3510.3782880002011274.7
Mike Salvati000005180.2780.27810130023011468.2
Paul Palombo 000007160.4380.43814160060002793.1
Sub000027140.5000.5711614001102234112.5
Total0001432850.3760.4006851001952487285.9

10/18/2023
37 - 41
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Cole5317570.2983182172437Loss
Gersitz3120560.3572485052841Win

New Baby Daddy Jon Tirado made his untriumhpant return to Grinders in this matchup that pitted Chris Cole against defacto captain Old Man Jon.

For Cole, “Hall Of Fame” Eric Boerdner subbed for Richie and Chuck, and porked up a suck of fame-like 1-11, and contributed a negative 6 (!) GAPE. Tirado didn’t miss a beat hitting 2 threes… while contributing a 2 GAPE. Like he never missed any games! Captain Cole had a respectable performance, with a 15/16/4 split. Cole’s biggest blunder was not in fact his blatant travel violation, but his offensive strategy against the undersized, older Old Man Jon unit who played man defense. Wayne “Freight Train” Haynes was having his way down low against OMJ, but was just ghosted the remainder of the game by his teammates. Or… maybe it was the knee to the dick that slowed him down, we’ll probably never know. This beat writer blames Cole for his poor quality strategy.

As for Old Man Jon, besides the brilliant defensive strategy that held down the rival team to a paltry 29.8 FG%, continued out-performing his contract, and team responsibilities, by hitting for 4/10 from the field with (another) 3 this week. Garrett Beesing, who not coincidentally represents the Polish, wore his Vaillancourt +5 Jersey of Non-suckness. Earning player of the game for OMJ, Garrett snagged 14 boards and scored 10 for 17 GAPE. Crazy Al and Peyton rounded out a well-balanced attack that gave Cole and his squad of goonfish fits. Zone? Fine – all of OMJ can and did hit the open jumpers. Man? “The Child, Please”.

Post game there were a couple of old guys grumbling about how loud or quiet the calls on the floor were, or something. Oh and Old Man Jon was grumbling about Millennials and their inability to call when they are fouled. Typical millennials – always gimme gimme gimme. Never do anything for themselves. Sack up younglings! Call it when you get fouled instead of crying about the offender not calling it – like you are Baby Tirado or something.

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole 000117180.3890.41715160041002489.8
Jon Tirado000123110.2730.36484001002235.8
Wayne Haynes000206170.3530.353129001114746.7
Sub000101110.0910.09122002001-611.7
Total0005317570.2980.325373100821727138.5

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico000206170.3530.353123001002131.7
Garrett Beesing 000105160.3130.31310140052021772.2
Jon Urbaniak000014100.4000.450950011001051.5
Peyton Urbaniak000005130.3850.385102001201640.4
Total0003120560.3570.366412400850534142.2

10/18/2023
54 - 57
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
KO2425630.39732964134954Loss
Curtis2327580.466281312176157Win

The reigning champs dropped their second straight game of the season, despite some solid efforts from the three starters. Lanzot, Tommy, and Tall Justin all had GAPEs between 14-18. Normally that would be good enough for the win. Let’s be honest, this team used to be good when they used their big men down low. Not the case this week – as Tommy wanted to show Curtis he could shoot almost as much as him.

Not when you can’t defend the WAP! Curtis put in 30/10 and even whined his way to 4 assists. Ben Sears continued to be a force offensively and on the boards, 17/11/6. Defensive Sorcerer Mike Boccio shot 37.5% (eff yeah Boccio) and had 5 steals. Little Josh finished up with 8 GAPE on an all-around mediocre performance. Better than expected for a $1 guy though – keep it up, friend!

KO

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Josh Lanzot 000107150.4670.46714100030021664.4
Justin Rybinski000004120.3330.3338100011201460.4
Tommy Hughes0001411240.4580.5422660045091875.0
Sub000003120.2500.25066001022436.5
Total0002425630.3970.4295432009641352180.2

Curtis

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Ben Sears000137170.4120.50017110064032491.5
Curtis Masich 0001015290.5170.517301000431132102.5
Josh Morcelle00000240.5000.50045002001840.0
Mike Boccio00000380.3750.37562001502739.2
Total0002327580.4660.49157280013121771209.2

by Kenny Blankenship

Week 7 Review

Yeah its a week late… whatever. You write these if you don’t like it.

Recap:

Old Man Jon had the greatest defensive effort in Grinders history, stealing a late pass from Worm with 2 seconds left, getting mauled by Boccio the Grinder, and tipping the ball to Eric “Big Balls” Boerdner for the game tying 3. OT was a formality.

Curtis took A LOT of shots.

There. Done. Enjoy.

by Kenny Blankenship

What is the “Overall” stat?

The math nerd at Grinders HQ likes to play with numbers. He does it for a living and he does it to make fun of fellow grinders. That’s what really drives him. He’s sort of a dick that way.

The “Overall” stat is a measure of a player’s total performance. It factors in all of the positive along with all of the negative stuff a grinder does throughout every game, season, and career.

FAQs:

  • Q: Why? Don’t we have GAPE to do all that?
  • A: Overall is weighted by total contribution and also takes into account a player’s Suck Score. It’s a little different, but similar. You know what? Make up your own stats if you don’t like mine.
  • Q: What’s the formula? How do I calculate it?
  • A: Don’t worry about it.
  • Q: What is the score out of?
  • A: Mathematically, there is no limit. Typically though, scores range from 0-100. Extraordinary efforts may result in a score over 100, or if a player goes 3-3 shooting, and does literally nothing else. Also, terrible efforts may result in a negative Overall Score – and those are really special. I’m hear to celebrate those in particular.
  • Q: What will you use Overall for?
  • A: To humiliate the weak.
by Kenny Blankenship

Round 1 Recap… 12/16/2022

Remember when this league was cool and we had game reviews every week? I ‘member. The last one was a month and a half ago. Let’s be better from now on, shall we?

Dadbods vs. What’s a Pass?

Perhaps the most exciting game of the session – oh, my apologies. It would appear that neither of these teams played last week. Jumped the gun a bit there.

BOHICA vs. Gimme a Minute: 65-35

Despite Gimme a Minute only trailing by 8 points at the half, this game was never really close. Tall Justin’s game plan of “everybody shoot the ball poorly” was executed to perfection, as the Big 3 of Justin, Jeff May and Lil Cuz all shot under .304 from the field. It’s also quite apparent that some strings were pulled in the stat department, as not a single air ball was recorded? What’s that all about? I’m pretty sure there were at least 5, with 4 of them coming from Lil Cuz. Sorry, we don’t sugarcoat things around here. Helmet and Little Josh turned in signature performances combining for a GAPE of 1. Tall Justin looked flummoxed in the paint as he was locked down by Josh Lanzot. Lil Cuz tried to provide a spark by committing assault on Richie at least three different times. Jeff “I’m too old for this shit” May came out of the gate guns blazing, starting off 0/6 shooting. He did led the team in scoring though with 15 points, and he also recorded … 11 blocks? Somehow I find that highly unlikely.

On the other hand, BOHICA actually looked like a team with a pulse out there. The aforementioned Josh Lanzot dominated down low with 14 rebounds and held Tall Justin to his worst game of the session. He also dished out 8 assists and tied teammate Jimmy Zeitz for a game-high 25 GAPE. Speaking of, Zeitz took advantage of some low-effort defense and dropped 28 points on 60% shooting. That seems good. Richie started the game slow, but really turned it on after getting angry for no apparent reason, splashing 5 from deep. Nixon showed great hustle and logged 4 steals. These guys were just locked in, and they will have the rest of the Grinders in their corner this week when they take on the Dadbods. Let’s hope they can recreate their Week 1 upset…

Laundromats vs. Chuckets: 63-48

To the surprise of absolutely no one, this session’s Gaping Grinder Mike Gersitz gaped and grinded all over the Chuckets. Rival captain Tommy watched in awe as MVG nailed open look after open look, logging 30 points on 60% shooting and a massive GAPE of 37. Al “Still Overpaid” Derrico was written off early in the session, but in the wise words of Geno Smith “he ain’t write back though.” Al contributed 20 points on over 50% shooting and filled up the box score with two steals and a block. Cory “Suck Bucket” Muldowney showed off his prowess as a point forward, recording 15 rebounds and 7 assists. I think the Suck Score is a bit harsh – sure, Cory can’t score for shit, but hot damn can he facilitate an offense. He also knows how to appeal to the audience – his frequent pull-up airballs always get the Grinders on their feet. Gersitz and gang looked dangerous, and they look to strike while the iron is hot in Round 2 against What’s a Pass? Will Gersitz continue to dominate against a slightly more formidable opponent? How long will it take before Cory turns into prime Goldberg and spears his “friend” Curt and stares down at the body he has just broken in half? Can “Crazy” Al take “ROTY” Peyton to school once more? My answer to all of the above is “yeah, probably.”

Sadly, we must also discuss the Chuckets, who also played in this game. Captain Tommy Hughes somehow managed 18 points, but also sank his squad with 5 turnovers, including one that was rifled off of the dome of his own teammate, Chuck, forcing him out of the game. With their top shooter down, big man Mike Ford filled in nicely by shooting 2/14 from the field. Doyle turned in a pretty standard Doyle game with an efficient 10 points. To be honest though, we’re really just glad that Chuck is okay. That was some pretty scary shit. Okay enough being nice. Not a soul is surprised this team lost. They had the worst record for a reason.

Overall these games were both pretty stinky. Hopefully we got all of the blowouts out of the way because that shit was borrrriinggg. As a wise man once said, “GET BETTER YOU PEOPLE!”

by Kenny Blankenship

What’s a Suck Score?

“Bro, what’s this new “Suck Score” and why does Old Man Jon hate Cory so much?“

Nah, Old Man Jon likes Cory. He seems like a good dude – I’d even let him fuck Richie’s sister. The Suck Score highlights Grinders who… sucked.

Suck Score FAQs:

  • Q: How do you determine a grinder’s Suck Score?
  • A: Don’t worry about all that.
  • Q: What about all the “good” stuff I do? Like my points, rebounds, assists?
  • A: What about it? You’re probably not that good. Besides, that’s what we have “GAPE” for. Stop being selfish.
  • Q: What is the Suck Score out of?
  • A: 100.
  • Q: Why another negative stat? This world we live in is vile enough as it is. Most Grinders come to fraternize with the guys, have a couple drinks, get a good run in… forget about how polarized the country is, inflation, how doomed our planet is, and all the horrors of war. This seems counter to that goal.
  • A: Okay.
  • Q: No, seriously, why?
  • A: I have depression and your misery makes me a little less sad.