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| 40' |
Details
| Date | Time | Full Time |
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| 40' |
Details
| Date | Time | Full Time |
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| 40' |
Author: Kenny Blankenship
Blankenship is a high-school dropout whose uncle owns Grinders. Kenny is very unprofessional about reporting, far less serious about the job than Vic is. Despite his non-professional, simplistic stand-point, he claims to make ten times the amount that Vic does because of his uncle being one of the Grinders bosses. Kenny has also been stated to own a condo complex from all the money that he earns from reporting and drives a Volkswagen Jetta. During his reporting, Kenny usually spends his time commenting on the sexual appeal of the effeminate Grinders and how much he likes beer, pizza, and seeing the majority of Grinders fail.
Session Review: 2021-01
Grinders at The Eldridge Club Season 1 review……
The first season at the new diggs went off great. Folks learned how to do the scoreboard and shot clock quickly, adding a flair of the big leagues that Grinders has desperately missed. New people have been hanging out after games now that the bar is a stone’s throw away. The heckling has even gotten better during games due to the swing lube allowed in the gym. Our website is looking better than ever and we even have a Twitch or a Snappychat or a Remind (whatever the hell the kids use these days) to engage in daily Grinders tom-foolery. I think the changes to Grinders have been a positive one.
As for the season…….We had an undefeated team in the regular season for the first (?) time in Grinders history. Team Pink looked like the 73 win Warriors team from a few years ago walking over the league to a 6-0 record. Team Blue was the predominant favorite pre-season and looked like they were unstoppable…..until a 4-game slide made them look less than G-league going into the playoffs. Teams Black and Grey looked to be lost throughout most of the season but occasionally looked like they were figuring it out (Curt drops 40, Grey beats Blue for first win). We had people make their debuts (Tirado, Pauly J., Wayne, Eric) and saw old stars return (Grant, Curt, Jeff May, AK47). Teams were getting used to the 3-ball being in play and how that was going to affect things. Hell we even had a buzzer-beater from “half-court”. All-in-all it was a fun first regular season. We even had our first Grinders awards. This session we need to figure out a way to make that ceremony better.
On to the playoffs we go…….
Team Black vs Team Blue: No one knew what was going to happen in this one. Black finally had Curt and Grant and could beat anyone on a given day. Blue was riding a 4-game losing streak and looked like they were in trouble. So to be frank, this one didn’t live up to the billing. Grant and Curt were brutal going a combined 7-50. Mike missed more layups than Ford. Luckily for Black the supporting cast of Jon, Pauly J, and Worm had it going and kept them in it for most of the game. Blue relied on Jon “This time Robin saves Batman” Witt who dropped 24 by the game’s end (his first clutch performance since the Reagan administration). Blue eventually pulled away and walked into the finals on the red-brick road that Curt and Grant shot for them.
Team Pink vs Team Grey: This game looked more like a WWF wrestling match by the end than a free-flowing, highly-talented basketball game. Pink got out to a quick start raining 3’s all over Grey’s faces from everywhere on the court. Stats don’t lie. Grey was the worst shooting team in the league and Pink had the best defense. It was no surprise that Pink was way ahead at the start. Then something funny happened. Pink forgot how to put their balls in the hole. They forgot who the right team to pass to was. Grey slowly, methodically crept back in and made it a game early in the second half. Luckily for Pink (who was terrible in the second half), Grey was even worse at finishing and Pink snuck out a bad win.
Team Pink vs Team Blue: Mike happened………that is all. Words can’t put into picture what his performance looked like, combine Jordan’s shoulder-shrug game in the Finals, Kobe’s 81 vs Toronto, and Magic’s performance in game 6 of the Finals as a rookie. It was simply spectacular. Oh, Witt, Doyle, and Nixon were also on the court……..we think…….maybe.
As for Pink, 7-1, and a missed opportunity for Grinders immortality as the ONLY undefeated team ever. Too bad, so sad. If the Finals were a chicken bone Team Pink woulda gone Mama Cass all over it. The Cash Cousins no-showed, Ford disappeared, Jeff May left his game on the trainer’s table, and Cole still has 3rd burns from getting torched by Mike (47 pts, 11 3’s).
All-Grinders
First TeamC/F: Grant Decz
F/G: Mike Malicki
F/G: Tommy Hughes
F/G: Richie Creamer
Playoffs?!!??
| Round 1 | Round 2 | Round 3 |
|---|---|---|
Word is Team Blue is going to lose… because Witt?
Week 5 Winners & Losers
Winners:
1. Mike “Worm” Benjamin – Kid got off the schnide and got HIS first Grinders win of the season
2. Team Pink – Jeff May has returned making Pink the heavy favorite to win it all
3. Eldredge Club – the bar was filled with Grinders athletes buying drink after drink and shot after shot. Good times were had by all except……….
Losers:
1. Jon “My neck. Oh! my back. My neck and my back” Witt – Witt was “injured” in his team’s loss to Black. We here at Grinders HQ are wishing him a speedy recovery
2. Eric Carlson – after proclaiming he was going to “drop 30” on Pink, “Little Cousin” went 5 of 14 and scored 13 points. Grinders is all about the ish-talk but boy you better back it up.
Week 4 Winners & Losers
Winners:
1. The fans who stayed for the 7:30 game got to witness the first buzzer-beater in Grinders/Eldridge Club history!!! Very cool!
Losers:
1. Jon Witt – losing again in heart-breaking fashion, heard muttering, “I’m just not cut out to win Grinders.”, bails on the bar……..Has he finally been broken???
2. Team Pink – was supposed to be the GLORIOUS return of Jeff May. Fizzle! Pop! Splat! Mr. May no-showed and we were left wondering, “Will it ever happen?”
3. Team Blue – losing on a half-court buzzer-beater. No worse way to go out.
Week 4 Recap
Team Blue vs Team Grey….or as Witt calls them Grey’s Anatomy.
15.5 point spread!?!?!?!? 15.5 points?!?!?!?!!??! What the hades were the oddsmakers thinking (their GAPE, most likely)? Team Grey must have used it for billboard material cause they came out to play. In what was a highly competitive game throughout, saw it’s best and worst action in the last 45 seconds. First, up 3, Blue decides to cover Vaillancourt for some reason and then even DOUBLE TEAM him in the post. This left ball reversal and BANG! the first of Timmy Hughes’ big shots. Tie game. Blue had a chance to recover and score for the win. They drew up the perfect play and…………CLUNK! Mark “O’Doyle Rules but not this time” missed a wide-open back door layup. Blue is scrambling and shook and before they get a chance to clear their heads………BAAAAAAANG! Timmy Hughes drills in his words, “a 360 spinning, double-pump, half-court heave with defenders draped all over him”, game-winner! Grey wins. Witt tantrums. End scene.
Team Black (minus Curtis) vs Team Pink:
This game was pretty much a non-story with the exception that the league finally got to bear witness to Wayne “LeBron Freight Train” Haynes. Wayne has only made appearances in open runs and such and has never graced Grinders with his presence in a real game. Wayne had 22 and 14 filling in for Creamer and May and also had Pink’s best GAPE. Not a bad debut. Black gave excellent effort and I for one liked their offensive scheme, but they just couldn’t get buckets. This team could look very different if everyone is there………
Week 3 Winners & Losers
Winners:
1. Team Black – finally got off the schnide and got one of our games best offensive players back. Lookout Blue and Pink
Losers:
1. Mike M. – pre-season MVP hype train is slowing down after a meh performance 2 weeks ago and a dud in a possible Finals matchup with Pink.
2. Cash Cousins – 1 week after getting the coolest nickname in Grinders they almost no-showed on the offensive end. Maybe they should be named the Bail Brothers after the way they got locked down.
3. Our eyes – whoever had to witness the pregame “full moon” from the balcony. By gawd that is the ugliest arse this side of the Mississip.
Week 3 Recap
Well ladies and gentlemen we finally had a game, at least a game that was close at the end. Though Pink vs Blue was not the prettiest of games (see Spurs/Pistons Finals) it was highly competitive. The same cannot be said for Black vs Grey. This game was supposed to be the one where Grey might have a chance……then Curt walked in. Speaking of walk-ins Jeff Superman May showed his face for the first time since his calves met kryptonite. There was a butt in the balcony, plenty of people to do stats and scoreboard, a bet honored, and more trash talking than all the weeks combined.
In lieu of full game recaps, please check the Mid-Season Grinders Awards.
Reg Dunlap Player/Coach Award: Team Pink – Chris Cole
Anyone that can keep that motley crew from self-destructing as well as lead his team to a 3-0 record without the services of Jeff May deserves the nod.
The Simon/Offensive Player of the Year: Team Black – Curt
Dude pulls up, walks in, doesn’t say a word, drops 39. Scary. Good luck stopping him.
The Nate/Defensive Player of the Year: Team Blue – Mike M.
When Mike digs in, you don’t score. There’s no one in the league he can’t guard.
Mid-season all Grinders team:
F/C: Grant
G/F: Curt
G/F: Witt
G/F: Creamer
Mid-season LVP – Team Grey – Tommy Hughes/Eric “Curt’s Little Cousin”
Get your -ish together boys. Too good to play like this.
Mid-season MVP – Team Black – Grant Decz
Best GAPE in the league…..need I say more?
Week 2 Winners & Losers
Winners:
1. Team Pink – the new 3-point line hasn’t benefited any team more. The pair of Creamer and Tirado even have a new nickname. If Steph and Klay are the “Splash Brothers”, these guys are the “Cash Cousins” cause they’re $$$$ from distance. Keep it up snipers.
2. Grant Decz. Yes his team lost……but his G.A.P.E. was magnificent this week (27pts. 21 rbs.) Monster game bro.
Losers:
1. The Stats – get off your asses, grab a beer (or 2), walk into the gym and keep stats or run the scoreboard/shot clock. No excuses. Shouldn’t be the same ass-hats each week that can’t count or push a button.
Week 2 Recap
Week 2 didn’t bring us much excitement as far as the outcomes of the games. Both were pretty bad beatdowns. We’ve learned that Team Black desperately needs the return of Curt and while Grey might not necessarily need Tommy Hughes, he certainly can’t make them any worse. On to the recaps……..
Team Black vs Team Blue (W 60-41)
Team Blue was again in cruise control from the tip. Pre-season MVP candidate Mike Mllllilllickil kept it in first gear most of the game serving as more of a puppet master than performer. Blue ran up and down the court with ease finding easy baskets. The transition game suits Blue better than any other team, where their athletes can get up and down the court. Mark Doyle had 15 and 7 while Nixon chipped in with 8 points. Witt had his best game in recent memory with 19 and 12 and the biggest G.A.P.E. on his team. Blue would have better served if Helmet didn’t play a second (-1 G.A.P.E.).
Team Black needs to go back to the drawing board…..or pray for the early arrival of Import Curt. They again got blown out looking like a first year P.A.L. team that needed to play on the lower rims. Black did something no other team in Grinders history has ever done….. have 2 players with a negative G.A.P.E. rating. More shockingly they also had the player with the highest G.A.P.E. this past week, Grant. His 27pt. 21rb performance and 35 G.A.P.E rating is the best in the league so far. With help on the way and a rejuvenated Decz, could Black become a serious contender?
Team Grey vs Team Pink (W 60-35)
There is no bigger disappointment in the league right now than Tommy Hughes. He’s been MIA for open runs, MIA for games, and MIA in any meaningful category. Could these be James Harden ploys to get shipped somewhere? Little Cousin Eric continues to struggle but is showing some signs of improvement. You know it’s bad when you can’t win your Grinders game OR a one-on-one game against a guy who gets the cheap coffee at McDonalds (as well as the rest of his meals from the looks of it). Keep Grinding kid. You’ll get there. The league was pleased to see former league scoring champion “E” back in action. Maybe next week he’ll do something worth writing about. AK47 does what AK47 does……chuck and duck. Don’t count out the Mad Russian bear. Vaillancourt played his role as well as he could (11rbs) but wasn’t able to crash the offensive glass and be a force on the inside with put-backs.
Team Pink has had the same winning strategy for 2 weeks now….shoot, shoot, and shoot some more…..as long as it’s a 3 baby!!! Jon Tirado had 5 more 3-balls (17pts) adding to his league lead in that category. Speaking of league leaders Richie Creamer is on a freaking tear ladies and gents. Creamer dropped an Eldridge Club record 29 points to go along with 8 boards and showed his team what a real man’s G.A.P.E. looks like. Ford and Cole each had double digit rebounds.