Category: GAPE Chicken

GAPE Chicken Predicts…the Semifinals



Chris Cole vs. Peyton Urbaniak

As the Grinder playoffs heat up, all eyes are on the upcoming semi-final clash between Chris Cole and their formidable opponents, Peyton Urbaniak. With the Grinder Championship looming next week, this game is do or die, and the stats tell a story of two closely matched teams.

Chris Coles Standout Players:

  • Wayne Haynes is a powerhouse for Chris Cole, boasting an impressive 19.0 PPG and 11.0 RPG, making him a double-double threat every night. His EFG% of 0.490 indicates efficient scoring, particularly from beyond the arc with 14 3PM.
  • Chris Cole is another key player, with a well-rounded game reflected in his 15.4 PPG10.9 RPG, and 5.3 APG. His WaR of 2.67 is the highest on the team, suggesting his significant impact on the team’s success.

Peyton’s Key Performers:

  • Jimmy Zeitz stands out with a FG% of 0.548 and an EFG% of 0.575, signaling his high efficiency in scoring. His 17.8 PPG is complemented by a solid defensive game, contributing 5.6 Defense.
  • Peyton Urbaniak is a rebounding force with 10.0 RPG and contributes on both ends with 3.9 APG and 1.9 SPG. His WaR of 3.14 tops his team, indicating his crucial role.

Cole has a slight edge in overall mass, with players like Haynes and Cole leading the charge. However, their opponents have a more balanced attack, with multiple players contributing significantly to both scoring and defense.  While Cole has standout “horses”, basketball is a team sport, and the opposition’s balanced approach might give them the upper hand. However, if Haynes and Cole can exploit their matchups and the rest of Cole’s squad steps up, they have a strong chance of securing a victory.  In conclusion, this game could go either way, but it will undoubtedly be a thrilling encounter. Fans should expect a high-intensity battle as both teams vie for supremacy on the court.

Money Lines:

Cole  -124

Peyton  +143


Pauly P vs. “Crazy”

In what promises to be a riveting contest, Pauly P is set to face off against “Crazy”. Both teams have shown exceptional talent throughout the season, but as they prepare to battle it out on the court, let’s take a closer look at their key players and statistics.

Pauly P’s Aces:

  • Mike Gersitz is the standout player with a PPG of 21.0 and RPG of 9.3, indicating his ability to score and rebound at an elite level. His FG% of 0.615 and EFG% of 0.632 are top-notch, showcasing his efficiency in shooting.
  • Paul Palumbo dominates the boards with 14.7 RPG and contributes significantly to the offense with 15.1 PPG. His WaR of 1.84 reflects his importance to the team’s performance.

“Crazy”’s Key Players:

  • Garrett Beesing mirrors Gersitz’s impact with 17.9 PPG and 11.4 RPG, also proving to be a dual threat. His EFG% of 0.424 and WaR of 2.28 make him a player to watch.
  • Jeff May, despite a lower EFG% of 0.401, puts up 21.0 PPG, making him a significant offensive contributor for Team “Crazy”.

Pauly P has a slight advantage in shooting efficiency, which could be pivotal in a close game. However, “Crazy” has a more balanced offensive distribution, which might be beneficial in a high-pressure situation.  The game is expected to be a close one, with both teams having players capable of turning the tide. Pauly P might have the edge in shooting, but “Crazy”’s balanced attack and slightly higher WaR from key players like Beesing could prove decisive.  In the end, it will come down to which team can better execute their game plan and make the necessary in-game adjustments. Fans should buckle up for an exciting game that’s too close to call.  LOL, j/k.  Pauly P should run away with this one. It shouldn’t be close.

Money Lines:

Pauly P -453

Crazy +776


Week 3 Review

In Week 3, Grinders had the pleasure of watching two Polish guys and one Crazy guy dismantle the reigning champions, elbows get thrown, numerous injuries, and Team Jeff May actually get a chance to play. Oh and there was some sort of tussle or something. Enjoy this week’s recaps written with help of Vic Romano and GAPE Chicken.

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
10/11/2023 6:30 pm Grinders 2023.3 40'
10/11/2023
58 - 40
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Gersitz2228580.483271312057058Win
KO6418490.36724932102840Loss
This week kicked off with was supposed to be, according to beat reporter Vic, a lopsided game between the reigning Grinder’s Champions, Kellen and The Jets taking on Team “Life on the DL” Gersitz. And indeed… it was – just not in the manner anyone expected.

Team KO came out strong, but quickly faded as Father Time had his way with team captain, Kellen. A non-contact injury to his knee while chasing a loose ball ended the captain’s night, but not before he fired up 11 shots, missing 8 and earning a -1 GAPE. Defensive stalwart Zach Newberry was nursing an injury of his own and was expecting to play only a few minutes each half. Unfortunately he was forced to hobble his way through all but a few minutes – and honestly was the only one on his team who showed any spirit in the games final minutes. Tall Justin was left gasping for air, and had a double-double (13/10). Josh Lanzot did his normal Josh things – and managed to bulldoze his way to one of the Guys of the Week on 54.5% shooting. Tommy contributed nearly nothing to his team’s efforts, but did turn the ball over 3 times and led his team in whining about lack of fouls called against him (this beat writer is not surprised by any of that, are you?).

Team Gersitz played shorthanded from the start, while their team captain (Captain? Coach? General manager?) remains on the DL. New guy Garrett and Mike “Worm” Benjamin were out, leaving Al, Peyton, and Old Man Jon to handle things. Boy, did they handle things. The ferocious zone defense held shooters Tommy and KO to under 30% each. Meanwhile, shooting a combined 48.3% as a team, Peyton scored 22, Al scored 20, and Old Man Jon rounded out a balanced offense with an 18 GAPE and a double-double of his own (11/11). Team sub Chris “Alphabet” Cole facilitated things with 7 assists and stole several rebounds from Old Man Jon, because he is a bully. You know you’re in for a long night when Old Man Jon is making layups and draining threes. Al and Peyton ran laps around KOs defenders, who banked on their zone defense when maybe they should have all just sat in the Grinders Ice Bath instead. (Hey, AD – get on that).

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico000010220.4550.4550502005.71565.0
Jon Urbaniak00015110.4550.500011140211.71965.2
Peyton Urbaniak002011220.5000.5000254028.71864.2
Sub0001230.6670.8330972017.02154.3
Total002228580.4830.500582713120533.073117.6

KO

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Josh Lanzot00206110.5450.5450930023.01561.7
Justin Rybinski00116160.3750.40601000105.31354.2
Kellen Owen00123110.2730.3640100010.3-129.8
Tommy Hughes0021290.2220.2780333037.0223.4
Zach Newberry0000120.5000.5000130142.3220.2
Total006418490.3670.40840249321018.03160.2

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
10/11/2023 7:30 pm Grinders 2023.3 40'
10/11/2023
48 - 53
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jeff May2223610.37727109284148Loss
Curtis2524520.462341555127053Win

The “gentlemanly” game began with both teams playing… respectfully? Team Jeff May’s star player, Jeff May, was on fire, scoring on 7 out of 16 field goals. However, Team Curtis came strong with Curtis Masich leading the charge. He scored 12 out of 22 field goals. Despite Jeff May’s best efforts, Team Curtis managed to hold on to their lead and win the game 53-48.

Curtis Masich was the standout player of the game, scoring 28 points and leading his team to victory. Ben Sears also played well for Curtis, scoring 15 points and contributing 5 assists. Joe Marie didn’t wear glasses. For Jeff May, Jeff May was the top scorer with 15 points and Bryant The Grinder contributed 13 points, despite being hampered by a sudden illness.

This game had fans!

Jeff May

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Bryant The Grinder00116160.3750.4060100010.3240.9
Jeff May00117160.4380.4690720032.31151.0
Mike Salvati0000490.4440.4440743018.31666.0
Paul Palumbo0000370.4290.429010132213.31660.4
Todd Nixon00003130.2310.2310233016.7331.6
Total002223610.3770.39348271092831.04881.8

Curtis

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Ben Sears00217120.5830.6250353129.01868.0
Curtis Masich000412220.5450.63601021239.33082.0
Joe Marie0000190.1110.1110930125.0523.2
Josh Morcelle0000120.5000.5000210112.7429.0
Mike Boccio0000370.4290.42901041045.31349.4
Total002524520.4620.510533415551231.370107.9

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
10/11/2023 8:30 pm Grinders 2023.3 40'
10/11/2023
46 - 51
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jimmy2222650.3383135183146Loss
Cole3523640.3593284124751Win

Slimmy Jimmys vs. Chuck in my Cole

Tied for closest game of the night, Team Cole was carried by their captain to a victory over MVP Jimmy and co. Instrumental to this feat was holding the man himself to “only” 18 points and a 13 GAPE. Cole posted a 19 point, 15 rebound effort and led his team in GAPE with 23. Both teams kind of struggled from the field, neither shooting over 40%. The only other guy from team Jimbo was the workhorse Ford, who chipped in 10 points, 9 boards and absolutely nothing else. Better than Helmet, who LITERALLY had 1 block as his only stat. It got the crowd fired up, but clearly did not have the same effect for him or his teammates. HOF Eric Boerdner had another respectable showing with 11 points on a higher-than-anticipated shooting percentage. Matt Kieta was once again the topic of conversation concerning fouls, as he vehemently disagreed with a pretty blatant carry. Perhaps this threw him off his game, as he shot 3/14 for 7 points. His frustration boiled over as he threw an elbow from hell that clocked poor Peyton and gave him a black eye. Luckily this guy hasn’t made any sort of reputation for himself as a habitual hack, so I’m sure this was just an accidental incident… Jokes aside, we hope that hip heals up quick, Keets. Chuck played his signature game, shooting 23% from the field but attributed some clutch 3 balls late in the game. Wayne had a similar stat line with 12 points and 5 rebounds of his own. Sub Peyton battled through 7 different injuries and donated a generous 16 GAPE, shooting 44% with a mystery three pointer I don’t remember ever seeing. Did someone accidentally count an air ball as a bucket?

Jimmy

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Eric Boerdner00015140.3570.3930410011.3646.0
Jimmy Zeitz00009220.4090.40908140510.71350.0
Justin Gerardi0020020.0000.0000000102.0-38.1
Matt Kieta00013140.2140.25001011025.3631.0
Mike Ford00005130.3850.3850900003.01157.2
Total002222650.3380.3544631351822.33363.7

Cole

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole00119190.4740.50001530127.02570.5
Chuck Thomasulo00034170.2350.3240521003.7635.4
Wayne Haynes00206190.3160.3160510001.7336.3
Sub0001490.4440.5000723008.31671.6
Total003523640.3590.3985132841220.75084.8

Week 6

Before we begin the weekly recap, I wanted take a moment to highlight the career, to date, of Grinder Curtis Masich. Curtis, as we all know, hitchhiked his way across Europe from his homeland in Serbia, bartering travel for various “acts”, before stowing away inside a cargo container filled with plastic dicks of various shapes and sizes, completing his arduous journey to the United States of America. Some would say he developed his legendary arm stamina while inside that cargo container, and that’s why he is able to shoot so much… but I am not sure why people would say that. Anyway, upon arrival, he quickly sold enough of his semen to afford an Uber ride all the way to Western New York, where he now plays Monday and Wednesday night basketball at our illustrious EBC. Curtis Masich, whom Grinders HQ named a prestigious award after just this week and also serves as Athletic Director for the club, is undoubtedly one of the most talented players in Grinders. His regular season performances have consistently been top-notch, with remarkable displays of skill and an unwavering commitment to shoot the basketball in complete disregard of his team’s success. But as talented as he is, there is one hurdle that Curtis has struggled to overcome – the playoffs.

It’s a bittersweet irony that a player as gifted as Curtis has never won a Grinder Championship. Year after year, he has given his all in the regular season, often with the steadfast belief he is the only Grinder on his team with talents of any kind, only to see his efforts thwarted in the postseason. For all his heroics during the regular season, the playoffs have been his kryptonite. His struggles in the postseason have become a frustrating trend for his fans and teammates alike.

No one knows for sure what causes Curtis to falter in the playoffs. Maybe it’s the pressure of expectations, or perhaps the heightened intensity of the competition. Whatever the reason, it’s a cruel twist of fate that such an accomplished player has not been able to translate his regular season form into postseason success.

It’s a testament to Curtis’s character that he keeps pushing himself despite his playoff struggles. He knows that his legacy as a player is incomplete without a Grinder Championship, and he’s determined to make it happen. Year after year, he returns to the court with the same fire and drive, eager to prove himself and lead his team to glory.

As we look ahead to the rest of this Grinder season, we can only hope that this is the year Curtis finally breaks through and leads his team to the championship. He deserves it, not just for his talent and hard work but also for his resilience in the face of playoff adversity. It’s not like he’s the kind of guy who would demand a trade the moment he isn’t team captain and has to share shots with Jon Tirado or anything.


Now – on to last week…

  • GAPE Chicken


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40'


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Week 4

The three games from last week are the epitome of mediocre basketball, showcasing teams that clearly missed the memo that basketball is a sport requiring both athleticism and skill. With air balls flying and 3PMs (three-point shots) barely passing the rim… I am surprised these degenerates don’t drink more. Brace yourselves, folks, it’s going to be a long and painful session watching these games.

  • By Gape Chicken


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Week 3

  • By Captain Tenneal & Gape Chicken

Week 3 has come and gone. There were three games played, only one showed any promise of a watchable Grinders season. Is this a season where we should just forward to the title game? Maybe you should have to take a test to be a Grinders captain? Oh well…..


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