Category: Blog

11/15/2023 by Vic Romano

Week 7 Review

Grinders HQ is back and well rested from their much deserved week off, and we will be (should be) ((maybe)) on top of our game for the rest of the session! We are past the first half of the session and I think we are starting to a separation of the pack – there are two teams over .500, led by Gersitz and Curtis, there are some polarizing squads teetering between elite and pedestrian, and then there is Jimmy’s team who’s last win came in Week 1. I know there’s been not one, but two weeks plagued by the forfeit bug, but that kind of excuse is what I call loser talk! Or should I say… looser.

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
11/08/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


Jeff MayGersitz 11/08/2023 46 - 49 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jeff May	4	4	21	57	0.368	32	7	6	0	10	41	46	Loss
Gersitz	2	1	24	60	0.400	28	14	8	5	10	56	49	Win

6:30 – Mayday, Mayday vs. Max Gersitzappen: 46-49

With Captain Jeff May sidelined again, the Budget Beasts needed to really step up against the top team. And in the first half, they did exactly that – Todd and Pauly P were looking like MJ and Kobe out there with some of the shots they were hitting. Bryant was finishing strong inside, and had 3 three’s. Salvati displayed his trademarked hustle, grabbing rebounds he had no business getting to and exploited the weak parts of the defense for some easy finishes. It looked like an upset was brewing early in the evening, but alas, the first half gameplan went out the window. Bryant went full takeover mode, as he ended the game with 31 attempts and raised his season WAP to 40%! For reference, that’s higher than Curtis this session. Everyone else for May’s team shot 50% from the field – Salvati went 6/10, Pauly had 8/15/5, and Nixon contributed 13 points and had a three pointer. Perhaps they would have liked to see more of the rock in the second half, but they’ll look to carry over some of their positive momentum against Curt’s team.

Team Gersitz came out of the gates looking lackadaisical – it looked like they were just trying to get in and up on out of there. But some second half adjustments, mainly on the defensive side showed why they are sitting at 5-1. They just have 5 solid guys, one of whom happens to be a 5 time MVP. “Crazy” Al had an off night, shooting just 3/15, but played an otherwise all-around game with 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals and a block. Garrett shot 3/9, but played an otherwise all-around game with 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals and a block. No, I did not copy and paste the same thing twice. Their stats were just identical. The Old Polack Jon continued his magical stretch, as he took advantage of being left constantly open on the wing as he went 6/12 for 12 points, and nothing else. That’s a guy who plays his role to perfection. Gersitz somehow only took 9 shots, but ended with 11 points, 8 rebounds and a bunch of other stuff. Peyton led the way in scoring with 14 points, and chipped in 3 steals and a block on defense. The defensive switch to put him on Bryant was perhaps the defining move of the night, and who would have ever thought that making the young guy guard the other young guy would work so well?

Jeff May

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Bryant The Grinder	3	3	8	31	0.258	0.306	0	6	0	1	4	4.0	-4	19.7
Mike Salvati	1	0	3	6	0.500	0.500	0	10	1	3	0	9.3	16	73.1
Paul Palumbo	0	0	4	8	0.500	0.500	0	15	5	1	5	7.0	20	58.5
Todd Nixon	0	1	6	12	0.500	0.542	0	1	1	1	1	2.3	9	62.8
Total	4	4	21	57	0.368	0.404	46	32	7	6	10	22.7	41	72.0

Gersitz

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Al Derrico	0	0	3	15	0.200	0.200	0	7	5	2	1	3	8.3	6	28.2
Garrett Beesing	0	0	3	9	0.333	0.333	0	7	5	2	1	3	8.3	12	45.3
Jon Urbaniak	0	0	6	12	0.500	0.500	0	0	0	0	0	1	0.0	5	58.8
Mike Gersitz	1	1	5	9	0.556	0.611	0	8	2	1	2	1	8.7	18	72.5
Peyton Urbaniak	1	0	7	15	0.467	0.467	0	6	2	3	1	2	10.0	15	59.4
Total	2	1	24	60	0.400	0.408	49	28	14	8	5	10	35.3	56	90.7

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
11/08/2023	7:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


JimmyCurtis 11/08/2023 36 - 46 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jimmy	2	2	17	59	0.288	29	5	9	0	9	26	36	Loss
Curtis	3	6	20	56	0.357	42	9	6	8	14	58	46	Win

7:30 – Jimminy Crickets vs. What’s a WaR?: 36-46

Is it time to start taking Curtis’ team seriously?? Just maybe, although we might need to see some inspiring play from someone not of Serbian descent. The captain put on a dominating display, dropping 25 points on 10 made FGs thanks to 5 threes and 43% shooting. Perhaps more impressive was his Wendy’s defensive stat line – 4 for 4 steals and blocks! And 4 turnovers for good measure! Boccio put in one of my all time favorite performances with 0 points, 15 rebounds and 5 assists, including three straight offensive rebounds and kick outs to beyond the arc. Absolutely electric. Joe Marie struggled shooting the ball, but controlled the boards with 10 of his own with what definitely looked like more than 2 assists. Teams keep letting Peyton sub somehow, and the fill-in went 13/8 on 60% shooting, with 2 blocks and a rare 3 pointer. When Ben rejoins this team, and if Curtis can continue his hot streak, these guys will be a tough out every week.

As for Jimmy’s team, I think you have to point the blame towards Mike Ford for this one. They sorely missed his post presence, and while Garrett did fine subbing, and as much as I hate to say it, I think a stronger interior could have changed the script on this one. Jimmy was held to 16 points on 36% shooting, which really isn’t bad at all, but we’re used to seeing that number doubled most nights. Helmet was essentially a worse Boccio, as he also shot 0/6 from the field but had 12 rebounds and goose eggs in every other stat. The HOFer “E” could only manage 8 points as he was flummoxed by the lockdown (hackdown?) defense from the Bocc. The team collectively had a 28% shooting percentage, which simply will not get the job done against any team. Perhaps the lone highlight of the night was Jimmy putting Curtis and Peyton on skates – the only moment worth remembering in a forgettable showing.

Jimmy

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Eric Boerdner	0	0	4	14	0.286	0.286	0	4	1	1	2	3.3	2	33.3
Jimmy Zeitz	0	0	8	22	0.364	0.364	0	5	4	3	1	7.7	13	52.1
Justin Gerardi	2	0	0	6	0.000	0.000	0	12	0	0	0	4.0	4	16.5
Sub	0	2	5	17	0.294	0.353	0	8	0	5	6	12.7	7	33.1
Total	2	2	17	59	0.288	0.305	36	29	5	9	9	27.7	26	51.7

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Curtis Masich	1	5	10	23	0.435	0.543	0	9	1	4	4	4	19.0	25	64.3
Joe Marie	1	0	4	17	0.235	0.235	0	10	2	0	0	0	3.3	6	33.8
Mike Boccio	1	0	0	6	0.000	0.000	0	15	5	1	2	6	11.0	10	17.7
Sub	0	1	6	10	0.600	0.650	0	8	1	1	2	4	8.7	17	67.0
Total	3	6	20	56	0.357	0.411	46	42	9	6	8	14	42.0	58	86.8

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
11/08/2023	8:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


KO Cole 11/08/2023 63 - 56 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
KO	6	5	29	72	0.403	33	14	7	0	7	61	63	Win
Cole	4	8	24	77	0.312	38	16	5	5	14	49	56	Loss

8:30 – Kellen and the Jets 63 We Chucked Your Wife Raw 56
The defending champs vs a potential replacement in the primetime spot. Like Vanessa Williams once sang, “You go and save the best….for last.”

From my eyes at the scorers table (actually, hidden cameras secretly inserted in the gym so I can view from the comfort of my couch like Ben Stiller at the end of Dodgeball) this was one of the better played games in recent memory (at least through regulation). The game had a methodical flow to it as it was played more in the half-court than in transition.

The Jets seemed to focus on putting Tommy Hughes in pick and roll situations, trying to get Chuck “Akon: Got Me Locked Up” Thomosulo off of him. The strategy worked. Chuck went 2/2 on the offensive end, but couldn’t handle running through all the screens, and “Pop Goes the Calf” reoccurred. The Jets quickly pivoted to having Tommy go “Hero Ball” and beat up on poor, defenseless Jon “Even my newborn bullies me on the block” Tirado. The plan was very effective. Mr. Hughes led the game with 25 points while forcing non-stop double teams. He also collected 7 assists out of those double situations to go along with 10 boards. The recipient of most of those passes was Josh “Macho Man elbow” Lanzot who was extremely effective at point-blank range. Lanzot dominated the paint with 18 points (56% fg) and 10 boards. He also chipped in with 5 assists and 4 steals. Justin and captain KO were present, but only combined for 9/29 and 20 points, being relegated to overweight cheerleaders at the Hughes/Lanzot show.

The “Wife Chuckers” had what seemed like the answer to the Jets 1-2-1 zone. They continually used the corner jumper as a layup line……for the first 2 possessions. Chuck “Achilles Calf” Thomosulo was on pace for a Grinders record 80 points on 40/40 shooting until the Jet bullies targeted his weak lower half. Captain Cole thought a great replacement for Chuck would be a 53 year old, 5 IPA’s in, Jon “Father Time” Urbaniak. Jon started off hot going 1-1 from the Chuck hot-spot. That was the highlight for him offensively as he missed his next 11 from the field. He was definitely a guy who “Tried His Best”.

The “Chucksters” changed gears and ran their offense through Wayne “Anchors Away” Haynes. Based on the results, more bad decision making by Coach/Captain Cole. Wayne went 4/26………..4/26?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! My god. He did contribute 16 rebounds (game high), 6 assists, 2 steals, and a block. The “Chuck-its” did get a marvelous game from Jon “I Bank 3’s better than my baby” Tirado. Tirado dropped 17 on the hapless 1-2-1 zone, including a “Bang Bang” banked money shot all over Kellen’s face………FROM THE LOGO. Clearly Tirado has NBA-type range, and in your eye-ball accuracy (note: see KO’s pink eye). Chuck and Co. rode Tirado’s wave of 3’s to a lead midway through the second half. The Jets continued their WWF ways by taking out players that are a threat. KO layed out Tirado on a break-away like a Chris Chelios check in the 80’s. JT came up limp which forced the team into a swiss-cheese 2-2 zone The Jets dissected that zone for the rest of regulation and OT.

The champs came back like champs do though, Got some turnovers, made a run of their own, survived and in-and-out buzzer beater by Wayne (who might not be able to hit water if he fell off of a boat), and shut out their opponent in OT. Champs come up clutch, chumps fall short.

Were injuries, IPA’s, and no-shows reasons for the loss? Who knows? I’d like to see this one played back in the playoffs with all hands on deck.

KO

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Josh Lanzot	1	0	9	16	0.563	0.563	0	10	5	4	4	11.3	25	72.6
Justin Rybinski	1	0	5	14	0.357	0.357	0	10	0	2	1	7.3	11	48.5
Kellen Owen	2	2	4	15	0.267	0.333	0	3	2	0	2	1.0	0	26.3
Tommy Hughes	2	3	11	27	0.407	0.463	0	10	7	1	0	5.3	25	66.4
Total	6	5	29	72	0.403	0.438	63	33	14	7	7	25.0	61	96.3

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	0	2	11	21	0.524	0.571	0	15	5	1	3	3	13.0	35	85.0
Chuck Thomasulo	0	0	2	2	1.000	1.000	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.0	4	46.9
Jon Tirado	0	5	6	16	0.375	0.531	0	5	4	2	1	3	7.7	16	52.8
Wayne Haynes	3	1	4	26	0.154	0.173	0	16	6	2	1	4	11.3	5	20.2
Sub	1	0	1	12	0.083	0.083	0	2	1	0	0	4	0.7	-11	0.8
Total	4	8	24	77	0.312	0.364	56	38	16	5	5	14	32.7	49	75.3

10/25/202310/25/2023 by Kenny Blankenship

Week 5 Review

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/25/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


CurtisCole 10/25/2023 37 - 58 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Curtis	5	1	18	56	0.321	18	7	1	0	7	13	37	Loss
Cole	1	6	26	52	0.500	24	17	8	1	7	74	58	Win

Week 6 started, and ended, with a blowout. Although there was an actual final score, Captain Curtis could be heard saying “37 to who fucking cares. They played like it was Game 7 of the Finals. Who the fuck is Chuck? He’s NEVER played that hard. Also give him 17 more fouls. One rebound? What the fuck OMJ? ONE REBOUND?”

Curtis did lead his team’s “Effort” with 14/1/1 and a GAPE of… 1. Ben was fine if you ignore the 6 turnovers… 2 GAPE. Little Josh? Minus 1 GAPE. Thank god for Joe The Grinder and Boccio The Grinder. At least they tried their best. It’s quite possible this team is terrible.

Team Cole, on the other hand, still manages to get quality subs for Richie… who was knowingly picked despite being unavailable for the first 6 weeks. Wayne has stink eye. So Peyton “Him” offered his talents – holding Ben in check and contributing 20 GAPE. Bang Bang Daddy shot 45.5% and had 11/3/4. That’s all fine and good. But Team Captain Christopher “Alphabet That Call Wasn’t Audible Enough Fuck You Curtis” Cole continued his bid for league MVP (asterisked with Gersitz on DL). 15 points on 62.5 EFG%, 7 board and 7 assists on quality passes against a disinterested Team Curtis. Chuck “Mama Mita” T came out HOT, drilling his first 4 shots en route to a game high 20 points on 56.3/62.5% shooting. Chuck would have had an easy double/double had his captain not gotten jealous of all the attention he was getting… and stealing numerous rebounds. Contrary to what Curtis said – Chuck did not have 21 PFs. He had 4. Suck it Curtis. 22 GAPE for Chuck. 24 for Chris. Nice work. Goonfish.

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Ben Sears	0	0	5	16	0.313	0.313	0	7	2	0	6	2.3	2	29.3
Curtis Masich	2	0	7	20	0.350	0.350	0	1	1	0	0	0.3	1	37.4
Joe Marie	1	1	5	10	0.500	0.550	0	3	0	0	1	1.0	7	57.0
Josh Morcelle	1	0	0	4	0.000	0.000	0	4	0	0	0	1.3	-1	9.0
Mike Boccio	1	0	1	6	0.167	0.167	0	3	4	1	0	3.0	4	32.6
Total	5	1	18	56	0.321	0.330	37	18	7	1	7	8.0	13	40.9

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	0	3	6	12	0.500	0.625	0	7	7	1	0	0	4.3	24	82.3
Chuck Thomasulo	1	2	9	16	0.563	0.625	0	4	2	4	0	0	9.3	22	80.8
Jon Tirado	0	1	5	11	0.455	0.500	0	3	4	0	0	4	1.0	8	48.0
Sub	0	0	6	13	0.462	0.462	0	10	4	3	1	3	11.3	20	63.8
Total	1	6	26	52	0.500	0.558	58	24	17	8	1	7	26.0	74	119.0

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/25/2023	Canceled	Grinders	2023.3	40'


GersitzJimmy 10/25/2023 Canceled Preview

Team Jimmy forfeited. Only 2 Grinders.

Gersitz

FTM	FTA	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

Jimmy

FTM	FTA	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/25/2023	Canceled	Grinders	2023.3	40'


Jeff MayKO 10/25/2023 Canceled Preview

KO breaks 2 game skid on forfeit win. Jeff May forfeit with 2 Grinders.

Jeff May

FTM	FTA	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

KO

FTM	FTA	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

10/25/2023 by Kenny Blankenship

Week 4 Review

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/18/2023	8:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


JimmyJeff May 10/18/2023 37 - 68 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jimmy	10	5	16	72	0.222	33	9	6	4	9	13	37	Loss
Jeff May	1	4	32	85	0.376	51	19	5	2	4	82	68	Win

Bryant The Grinder made it through the entirety of the basketball game, sans vomit. Well done new guy. Speaking of Bryant, the scorers table was left awestruck at how uninhibited he was to fire up shots as soon as he touched the ball. Even Curtis “Mr. WAP” was offended by all those shots. Eventually, after being shamed by the scorers table, Bryant did pass the rock. 0 assists, 28/8 for a GAP of 12. You do the math. Salvati was allowed to shoot 18 times in garbage time, which there was plenty of. Paul Palumbo had a 27 GAPE – continuing his searing start to this Grinders season. He will be 1st team All-Grinder if he keeps this up. Some goonfish subbed.

Team Jimmy-less struggled. That HOF’er Boerdner improved from his previous game – and contributed negative 3 GAPE in this one. Helmet? 4 air balls (in a row nonetheless), negative 4 GAPE. This team’s sub shot under 16%. Mike Ford had all 14 of his team’s GAPE. What a guy. This game was a blowout from the start.

Jimmy

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Eric Boerdner	2	2	6	26	0.231	0.269	0	4	3	0	0	2	1.3	-3	20.3
Justin Gerardi	4	1	2	10	0.200	0.250	0	3	0	0	1	1	3.0	-4	16.0
Mike Ford	0	2	5	17	0.294	0.353	0	13	1	2	1	3	10.3	14	44.0
Sub	4	0	3	19	0.158	0.158	0	13	5	4	2	3	16.3	7	22.4
Total	10	5	16	72	0.222	0.257	37	33	9	6	4	9	31.0	14	32.7

Jeff May

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Bryant The Grinder	1	2	13	37	0.351	0.378	0	8	0	2	0	1	6.7	12	47.9
Mike Salvati	0	0	5	18	0.278	0.278	0	13	2	3	0	1	10.3	14	45.6
Paul Palumbo	0	0	7	16	0.438	0.438	0	16	6	0	0	0	5.3	27	77.0
Sub	0	2	7	14	0.500	0.571	0	14	11	0	2	2	8.7	34	84.0
Total	1	4	32	85	0.376	0.400	68	51	19	5	2	4	31.0	87	123.7

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/18/2023	7:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


ColeGersitz 10/18/2023 37 - 41 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Cole	5	3	17	57	0.298	31	8	2	1	7	24	37	Loss
Gersitz	3	1	20	56	0.357	24	8	5	0	5	28	41	Win

New Baby Daddy Jon Tirado made his untriumhpant return to Grinders in this matchup that pitted Chris Cole against defacto captain Old Man Jon.

For Cole, “Hall Of Fame” Eric Boerdner subbed for Richie and Chuck, and porked up a suck of fame-like 1-11, and contributed a negative 6 (!) GAPE. Tirado didn’t miss a beat hitting 2 threes… while contributing a 2 GAPE. Like he never missed any games! Captain Cole had a respectable performance, with a 15/16/4 split. Cole’s biggest blunder was not in fact his blatant travel violation, but his offensive strategy against the undersized, older Old Man Jon unit who played man defense. Wayne “Freight Train” Haynes was having his way down low against OMJ, but was just ghosted the remainder of the game by his teammates. Or… maybe it was the knee to the dick that slowed him down, we’ll probably never know. This beat writer blames Cole for his poor quality strategy.

As for Old Man Jon, besides the brilliant defensive strategy that held down the rival team to a paltry 29.8 FG%, continued out-performing his contract, and team responsibilities, by hitting for 4/10 from the field with (another) 3 this week. Garrett Beesing, who not coincidentally represents the Polish, wore his Vaillancourt +5 Jersey of Non-suckness. Earning player of the game for OMJ, Garrett snagged 14 boards and scored 10 for 17 GAPE. Crazy Al and Peyton rounded out a well-balanced attack that gave Cole and his squad of goonfish fits. Zone? Fine – all of OMJ can and did hit the open jumpers. Man? “The Child, Please”.

Post game there were a couple of old guys grumbling about how loud or quiet the calls on the floor were, or something. Oh and Old Man Jon was grumbling about Millennials and their inability to call when they are fouled. Typical millennials – always gimme gimme gimme. Never do anything for themselves. Sack up younglings! Call it when you get fouled instead of crying about the offender not calling it – like you are Baby Tirado or something.

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	1	1	7	18	0.389	0.417	0	16	4	1	0	0	7.3	24	66.1
Jon Tirado	1	2	3	11	0.273	0.364	0	4	1	0	0	2	1.3	2	30.6
Wayne Haynes	2	0	6	17	0.353	0.353	0	9	1	1	1	4	7.0	7	37.4
Sub	1	0	1	11	0.091	0.091	0	2	2	0	0	1	0.7	-6	9.4
Total	5	3	17	57	0.298	0.325	37	31	8	2	1	7	16.3	27	53.1

Gersitz

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Al Derrico	2	0	6	17	0.353	0.353	0	3	1	0	2	1.0	1	34.3
Garrett Beesing	1	0	5	16	0.313	0.313	0	14	5	2	2	8.7	17	48.6
Jon Urbaniak	0	1	4	10	0.400	0.450	0	5	1	1	0	3.7	10	60.0
Peyton Urbaniak	0	0	5	13	0.385	0.385	0	2	1	2	1	4.7	6	48.9
Total	3	1	20	56	0.357	0.366	41	24	8	5	5	18.0	34	66.8

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/18/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


KO Curtis 10/18/2023 54 - 57 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
KO	2	4	25	63	0.397	32	9	6	4	13	49	54	Loss
Curtis	2	3	27	58	0.466	28	13	12	1	7	61	57	Win

The reigning champs dropped their second straight game of the season, despite some solid efforts from the three starters. Lanzot, Tommy, and Tall Justin all had GAPEs between 14-18. Normally that would be good enough for the win. Let’s be honest, this team used to be good when they used their big men down low. Not the case this week – as Tommy wanted to show Curtis he could shoot almost as much as him.

Not when you can’t defend the WAP! Curtis put in 30/10 and even whined his way to 4 assists. Ben Sears continued to be a force offensively and on the boards, 17/11/6. Defensive Sorcerer Mike Boccio shot 37.5% (eff yeah Boccio) and had 5 steals. Little Josh finished up with 8 GAPE on an all-around mediocre performance. Better than expected for a $1 guy though – keep it up, friend!

KO

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Josh Lanzot	1	0	7	15	0.467	0.467	0	10	3	0	0	2	3.3	16	60.4
Justin Rybinski	0	0	4	12	0.333	0.333	0	10	1	1	2	0	9.3	14	55.7
Tommy Hughes	1	4	11	24	0.458	0.542	0	6	4	5	0	9	12.0	18	53.3
Sub	0	0	3	12	0.250	0.250	0	6	1	0	2	2	6.0	4	32.6
Total	2	4	25	63	0.397	0.429	54	32	9	6	4	13	30.7	52	85.3

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Ben Sears	1	3	7	17	0.412	0.500	0	11	6	4	0	3	11.7	24	62.1
Curtis Masich	1	0	15	29	0.517	0.517	0	10	4	3	1	1	11.3	32	83.6
Josh Morcelle	0	0	2	4	0.500	0.500	0	5	2	0	0	1	1.7	8	38.0
Mike Boccio	0	0	3	8	0.375	0.375	0	2	1	5	0	2	10.7	7	47.0
Total	2	3	27	58	0.466	0.491	57	28	13	12	1	7	35.3	71	112.8

10/18/202312/05/2023 by The Beat Writer Staff

Week 3 Review

In Week 3, Grinders had the pleasure of watching two Polish guys and one Crazy guy dismantle the reigning champions, elbows get thrown, numerous injuries, and Team Jeff May actually get a chance to play. Oh and there was some sort of tussle or something. Enjoy this week’s recaps written with help of Vic Romano and GAPE Chicken.

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/11/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


GersitzKO 10/11/2023 58 - 40 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Gersitz	2	2	28	58	0.483	27	13	12	0	5	70	58	Win
KO	6	4	18	49	0.367	24	9	3	2	10	28	40	Loss

This week kicked off with was supposed to be, according to beat reporter Vic, a lopsided game between the reigning Grinder’s Champions, Kellen and The Jets taking on Team “Life on the DL” Gersitz. And indeed… it was – just not in the manner anyone expected.

Team KO came out strong, but quickly faded as Father Time had his way with team captain, Kellen. A non-contact injury to his knee while chasing a loose ball ended the captain’s night, but not before he fired up 11 shots, missing 8 and earning a -1 GAPE. Defensive stalwart Zach Newberry was nursing an injury of his own and was expecting to play only a few minutes each half. Unfortunately he was forced to hobble his way through all but a few minutes – and honestly was the only one on his team who showed any spirit in the games final minutes. Tall Justin was left gasping for air, and had a double-double (13/10). Josh Lanzot did his normal Josh things – and managed to bulldoze his way to one of the Guys of the Week on 54.5% shooting. Tommy contributed nearly nothing to his team’s efforts, but did turn the ball over 3 times and led his team in whining about lack of fouls called against him (this beat writer is not surprised by any of that, are you?).

Team Gersitz played shorthanded from the start, while their team captain (Captain? Coach? General manager?) remains on the DL. New guy Garrett and Mike “Worm” Benjamin were out, leaving Al, Peyton, and Old Man Jon to handle things. Boy, did they handle things. The ferocious zone defense held shooters Tommy and KO to under 30% each. Meanwhile, shooting a combined 48.3% as a team, Peyton scored 22, Al scored 20, and Old Man Jon rounded out a balanced offense with an 18 GAPE and a double-double of his own (11/11). Team sub Chris “Alphabet” Cole facilitated things with 7 assists and stole several rebounds from Old Man Jon, because he is a bully. You know you’re in for a long night when Old Man Jon is making layups and draining threes. Al and Peyton ran laps around KOs defenders, who banked on their zone defense when maybe they should have all just sat in the Grinders Ice Bath instead. (Hey, AD – get on that).

Gersitz

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Al Derrico	0	0	10	22	0.455	0.455	0	5	0	2	0	5.7	15	65.0
Jon Urbaniak	0	1	5	11	0.455	0.500	0	11	1	4	2	11.7	19	65.2
Peyton Urbaniak	2	0	11	22	0.500	0.500	0	2	5	4	2	8.7	18	64.2
Sub	0	1	2	3	0.667	0.833	0	9	7	2	1	7.0	21	54.3
Total	2	2	28	58	0.483	0.500	58	27	13	12	5	33.0	73	117.6

KO

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Josh Lanzot	2	0	6	11	0.545	0.545	0	9	3	0	0	2	3.0	15	61.7
Justin Rybinski	1	1	6	16	0.375	0.406	0	10	0	0	1	0	5.3	13	54.2
Kellen Owen	1	2	3	11	0.273	0.364	0	1	0	0	0	1	0.3	-1	29.8
Tommy Hughes	2	1	2	9	0.222	0.278	0	3	3	3	0	3	7.0	2	23.4
Zach Newberry	0	0	1	2	0.500	0.500	0	1	3	0	1	4	2.3	2	20.2
Total	6	4	18	49	0.367	0.408	40	24	9	3	2	10	18.0	31	60.2

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/11/2023	7:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


Jeff MayCurtis 10/11/2023 48 - 53 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jeff May	2	2	23	61	0.377	27	10	9	2	8	41	48	Loss
Curtis	2	5	24	52	0.462	34	15	5	5	12	70	53	Win

The “gentlemanly” game began with both teams playing… respectfully? Team Jeff May’s star player, Jeff May, was on fire, scoring on 7 out of 16 field goals. However, Team Curtis came strong with Curtis Masich leading the charge. He scored 12 out of 22 field goals. Despite Jeff May’s best efforts, Team Curtis managed to hold on to their lead and win the game 53-48.

Curtis Masich was the standout player of the game, scoring 28 points and leading his team to victory. Ben Sears also played well for Curtis, scoring 15 points and contributing 5 assists. Joe Marie didn’t wear glasses. For Jeff May, Jeff May was the top scorer with 15 points and Bryant The Grinder contributed 13 points, despite being hampered by a sudden illness.

This game had fans!

Jeff May

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Bryant The Grinder	1	1	6	16	0.375	0.406	0	1	0	0	0	1	0.3	2	40.9
Jeff May	1	1	7	16	0.438	0.469	0	7	2	0	0	3	2.3	11	51.0
Mike Salvati	0	0	4	9	0.444	0.444	0	7	4	3	0	1	8.3	16	66.0
Paul Palumbo	0	0	3	7	0.429	0.429	0	10	1	3	2	2	13.3	16	60.4
Todd Nixon	0	0	3	13	0.231	0.231	0	2	3	3	0	1	6.7	3	31.6
Total	2	2	23	61	0.377	0.393	48	27	10	9	2	8	31.0	48	81.8

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Ben Sears	2	1	7	12	0.583	0.625	0	3	5	3	1	2	9.0	18	68.0
Curtis Masich	0	4	12	22	0.545	0.636	0	10	2	1	2	3	9.3	30	82.0
Joe Marie	0	0	1	9	0.111	0.111	0	9	3	0	1	2	5.0	5	23.2
Josh Morcelle	0	0	1	2	0.500	0.500	0	2	1	0	1	1	2.7	4	29.0
Mike Boccio	0	0	3	7	0.429	0.429	0	10	4	1	0	4	5.3	13	49.4
Total	2	5	24	52	0.462	0.510	53	34	15	5	5	12	31.3	70	107.9

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
10/11/2023	8:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


JimmyCole 10/11/2023 46 - 51 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jimmy	2	2	22	65	0.338	31	3	5	1	8	31	46	Loss
Cole	3	5	23	64	0.359	32	8	4	1	2	47	51	Win

Slimmy Jimmys vs. Chuck in my Cole

Tied for closest game of the night, Team Cole was carried by their captain to a victory over MVP Jimmy and co. Instrumental to this feat was holding the man himself to “only” 18 points and a 13 GAPE. Cole posted a 19 point, 15 rebound effort and led his team in GAPE with 23. Both teams kind of struggled from the field, neither shooting over 40%. The only other guy from team Jimbo was the workhorse Ford, who chipped in 10 points, 9 boards and absolutely nothing else. Better than Helmet, who LITERALLY had 1 block as his only stat. It got the crowd fired up, but clearly did not have the same effect for him or his teammates. HOF Eric Boerdner had another respectable showing with 11 points on a higher-than-anticipated shooting percentage. Matt Kieta was once again the topic of conversation concerning fouls, as he vehemently disagreed with a pretty blatant carry. Perhaps this threw him off his game, as he shot 3/14 for 7 points. His frustration boiled over as he threw an elbow from hell that clocked poor Peyton and gave him a black eye. Luckily this guy hasn’t made any sort of reputation for himself as a habitual hack, so I’m sure this was just an accidental incident… Jokes aside, we hope that hip heals up quick, Keets. Chuck played his signature game, shooting 23% from the field but attributed some clutch 3 balls late in the game. Wayne had a similar stat line with 12 points and 5 rebounds of his own. Sub Peyton battled through 7 different injuries and donated a generous 16 GAPE, shooting 44% with a mystery three pointer I don’t remember ever seeing. Did someone accidentally count an air ball as a bucket?

Jimmy

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Eric Boerdner	0	1	5	14	0.357	0.393	0	4	1	0	0	1	1.3	6	46.0
Jimmy Zeitz	0	0	9	22	0.409	0.409	0	8	1	4	0	5	10.7	13	50.0
Justin Gerardi	2	0	0	2	0.000	0.000	0	0	0	0	1	0	2.0	-3	8.1
Matt Kieta	0	1	3	14	0.214	0.250	0	10	1	1	0	2	5.3	6	31.0
Mike Ford	0	0	5	13	0.385	0.385	0	9	0	0	0	0	3.0	11	57.2
Total	2	2	22	65	0.338	0.354	46	31	3	5	1	8	22.3	33	63.7

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	1	1	9	19	0.474	0.500	0	15	3	0	1	2	7.0	25	70.5
Chuck Thomasulo	0	3	4	17	0.235	0.324	0	5	2	1	0	0	3.7	6	35.4
Wayne Haynes	2	0	6	19	0.316	0.316	0	5	1	0	0	0	1.7	3	36.3
Sub	0	1	4	9	0.444	0.500	0	7	2	3	0	0	8.3	16	71.6
Total	3	5	23	64	0.359	0.398	51	32	8	4	1	2	20.7	50	84.8

10/11/2023 by Vic Romano

Week 3 PREview

Well, Week 3 in Grinders is upon us, and only 2 official games have been played. This beat reporter is bummed, to say the least – but hey, less work for me right? To my knowledge all teams are on track to play tonight, and hopefully we don’t come across any more forfeits or reschedules, because that’s just super lame. I know a large group of Grinders are really going through it right now – the Bills’ season is probably over, the Orioles’ season is actually over… but Grinders season in my eyes is just getting started! Maybe I’m the only one excited about that. Idk let’s just preview some games.

Lanky Wankers vs Kellen and the Jets, 6:30pm
Yeah that’s right, I’m coming up with my own team names for you all. Back in Week 1, KO and his defending champs came out the gates slow, but looked like their unstoppable selves in the second half. On paper, this looks like a pretty tough test – but with Gersitz and Garrett out tonight (and Worm but like whatever) this will probably be a boring blowout, especially with KO’s squad presumably at full strength with Josh and Zach returning. My prediction is that Peyton will earn his first career WAP award and try to drive to the hole, despite two of the biggest bodies likely patrolling the paint. It’ll be interesting to see if the Wanks opt to man up or play zone on defense – but it probably won’t matter, either Tommy will cook or one of the two big men will exploit the glaring size mismatch down low. I do think this becomes a must watch game at full strength, but tonight the Jets cruise to an easy win.
Prediction: 68-45, KO

May I Please Play vs. I Hate Texas, 7:30pm
I am writing this one up assuming Jeff’s team will show up tonight. There’s no film for me to assess this team off of, but Curt’s team will be out for revenge after falling just short against Jimmy in Week 1. I anticipate shots to rain down all game, and I think the key matchup to watch will be Curtis against Bryant. In limited open run action Bryant has shown flashes, the question is if he can contain Curtis, who put up 24 points in Week 1 on 41% shooting. Jeff May showed us that he hasn’t lost a step, and Joe will have to find a way to throw him off of his game. Ben looked solid as well, and I can’t see anyone from May’s bottom 3 holding him to less than his 16 point effort from two weeks ago. Again, it’s tough to predict this game with so little info on Jeff’s team, but I think they keep it close until Curtis takes over late.
Prediction: 58-52, Curtis

What’s a Foul? vs. What the Chuck?! 8:30pm
Jimmy is already running away as the MVP favorite – is anyone surprised? A 24 point triple double on 61% shooting? 5 steals? This guy sucks to play against. Who’s guarding that from Cole’s team – Chuck? New dad Jon Tirado (if he shows)? Cole will likely battle down low with Ford which should be pure entertainment. Fouler Kieta and the HOF Eric showed they can contribute with 16 and 12 points respectively in Week 1. Feel like Wayne would match up decently with E, and Tirado/Chuck on the two quick guys in Jimmy and Matt. The keys to a Cole victory would be either Cole himself goes off and abuses Ford all night (highly likely) and they make it rain from beyond the arc, which based on the track records of Chuck and Tirado, there’s about a 15% chance that happens. Remember, Jimmy’s team only squeaked past Curt’s team by 2 points. I think this week, Cole will long for the contributions that Richie could bring to this offense, and they could play them close for at least the first half, but eventually Jimmy and Co. will be too much to handle.
Prediction: 60-53, Jimmy

10/03/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Week 1 Recap

Week 1 has come and gone, getting a new Grinders session underway. This beat writer was looking forward to the game-by-game previews that were supposed to come out, but alas………..

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
09/27/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


JimmyCurtis 09/27/2023 58 - 56 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jimmy	3	2	28	69	0.406	36	19	9	4	9	67	58	Win
Curtis	5	4	26	69	0.377	37	10	5	3	12	50	56	Loss

The MVP vs the most heckled. Jimmy’s well-drafted, meticulously crafted team vs Curt’s “I’ll just throw $$$ at anyone and win” squad of hired goons. For that lopsided look at how they drafted, the game played out much closer than most prognosticators thought.

AD Curt was much more efficient on offense shooting 41% en route to a double-double and a game-high 24 points. This team was still looking for ball movement though. It seemed to be a little too much one pass and up offense….which plays right into Ben “Ghost” Sears’ hands. The “Human Hesi” was back in action after 17 different hiatus’. After showing strong in open run, Ben continued his quality play going 8/19 and chipping in 7 rebounds with 4 assists. Lil Josh found his shooting touch going 3/6, chipping in everywhere else, and having TRIPLE (6vs2) the GAPE of First Ballot HOF Boerdner. Well done Josh. Joe “Sweatsock” Marie was grinding down low most of the game, pounding the glass with a game high 16 boards. Joe also held down Mike “Go to Work” Ford to only 9 shots. Apparently the punch clock was busted.

Team MVP….I mean Team Jimmy looked just like you would expect. The team would defer to Jimmy and take what he created for them……all except new guy Matt “Foul?” Kieta. Kieta walked into the league like it was LA Fitness or something and jacked-up every shot he saw, much to the chagrin of some of his teammates. However, “Keets” did score 16 points on 35% shooting. Not too bad for your debut in Grinders. E looked like he was still heart-broken from last year’s finals going 6/19 and settling for mostly jump shots. Speaking of settling, Ford came back to Grinders from vacation or a work trip, and settled for 9 shots, allowing Jimmy to “go to work” for him. Ford did grab 12 boards and record 3 blocks. MVP Jimmy did “go to work” with a massively efficient triple-double, recording a 40 GAPE. Jimmy had a 24/11/11 stat line on only 18 shots. Gersitz eat your heart out. When Jimmy wasn’t creating for himself, he was getting open shots for his teammates off of the double-teams he created.

Some interesting game notes:
1. Dear Kieta. It is ok to call a foul on yourself. If someone calls a foul on you, don’t bitch about it. We watched. You hack.
2. A very interesting play call to have Joe Marie shoot the game winner instead of AD Curt. Must’ve been a hunch like Kukoc instead of Scottie…..except Kukoc made it.
3. It was great to see Lil Josh more aggressive and taking open shots.
4. Welcome back Ben. I hope it lasts…..honestly.

Jimmy

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Eric Boerdner	1	0	6	19	0.316	0.316	12	6	3	0	0	3	2.0	4	34.4
Jimmy Zeitz	0	2	11	18	0.611	0.667	24	11	11	5	0	4	13.7	40	94.5
Matt Kieta	0	0	8	23	0.348	0.348	16	7	2	3	1	2	10.3	12	48.0
Mike Ford	2	0	3	9	0.333	0.333	6	12	3	1	3	0	12.0	17	53.4
Total	3	2	28	69	0.406	0.420	58	36	19	9	4	9	38.0	73	108.8

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Ben Sears	4	0	8	19	0.421	0.421	16	7	4	0	0	6	2.3	6	37.0
Curtis Masich	0	4	10	24	0.417	0.500	24	10	2	2	1	2	9.3	23	65.3
Joe Marie	0	0	5	20	0.250	0.250	10	16	3	2	1	1	11.3	16	44.6
Josh Morcelle	1	0	3	6	0.500	0.500	6	4	1	1	1	3	5.3	6	46.0
Total	5	4	26	69	0.377	0.406	56	37	10	5	3	12	28.3	51	82.4

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
09/27/2023	7:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


KO Cole 09/27/2023 61 - 51 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
KO	2	3	29	67	0.433	29	7	3	0	3	54	61	Win
Cole	2	9	21	67	0.313	36	10	1	2	5	43	51	Loss

The reigning, defending, undisputed champs come out of the shoot week 1 versus league villain Cole. KO was missing Lanzot and Newberry, and got Crazy Al to sub. C&D was missing Wayne and Richie and replaced them with 1st Ballot HOF Boerdner. Normally in a Cole v Hughes game the sideline can expect to see fireworks. This game, not so much.

Kellen and the rest of the Jets had a very effective offensive game plan. They used Tall Justin down on the block to get point blank looks. When he couldn’t get down there on his own, they screened for him to get into position. That my friends is some high level Grinders basketball. Tall Justin went for 25/9 on 52% shooting, and was the answer for every C&D run. Tantrumming Tommy was more like Triumphant Tommy. Mr. Hughes was extremely effective in scoring and running the Jets offense. He had a game high 26 points on 52% shooting to go along with a team high 11 rebounds. He used screens effectively to shoot 3’s and got out on the break for some easy buckets. Captain Kellen had a poor shooting game, but also directed the offense well, screened, and was a PITA on defense. Crazy Al was his usual athletic annoyance running around everywhere and getting to loose balls.

Chuck and Duck was missing 2 big parts of their team, but got HOF E to sub. The strategy of captain Cole to spread the court and take open jump shots failed miserably in its first game. Chuck “3 for $1” Thomasulo shot 2/16 and generally looked out of rhythm. He did however, harass Crazy Al all game, holding him to 3/8 shooting. “Bang Bang” Tirado was a little better, going 4/12for 11 points and adding in 9 rebounds. He also did a masterful job in locking Kellen down and holding him to a -4 GAPE. E gave a great effort defensively but was a little undersized guarding Justin. Maybe it affected his shooting (4/16 – 9 points) or maybe it was playing back-to-back. Either way E struggled but not for lack of effort. Everytime I looked Cole was bricking another layup like he was Lil Cuz. I have no idea how he had 25 points??? Cole did have a game high 33 GAPE and seemed to be the only consistency in the C&D offense.

Things from the game:
1. Tommy returned to MVPish form.
2. Tall Justin is a pain to stop when he’s not playing like Small Justin.
3. C&D was up 25-17 late in the first half. They got to 32 with like 11 minutes left in the game. Ouch
4. Rumors swirl that Cole was so furious with their performance that he made the team forfeit in Week 2.
5. When will we see Wayne? When will we see Richie? Is Triado’s child already taller?

KO

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Justin Rybinski	1	1	12	23	0.522	0.543	0	9	1	0	0	3.0	23	77.2
Kellen Owen	0	0	2	13	0.154	0.154	0	3	2	0	1	1.0	-3	18.4
Tommy Hughes	1	2	12	23	0.522	0.565	0	11	3	1	2	5.7	27	77.0
Sub	0	0	3	8	0.375	0.375	0	6	1	2	0	6.0	10	60.0
Total	2	3	29	67	0.433	0.455	61	29	7	3	3	15.7	57	98.7

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	0	3	11	23	0.478	0.543	0	17	4	0	2	1	9.7	35	85.0
Chuck Thomasulo	2	2	2	16	0.125	0.188	0	4	2	0	0	2	1.3	-6	9.0
Jon Tirado	0	3	4	12	0.333	0.458	0	9	1	0	0	1	3.0	12	50.5
Sub	0	1	4	16	0.250	0.281	0	6	3	1	0	1	4.0	6	35.4
Total	2	9	21	67	0.313	0.381	51	36	10	1	2	5	18.0	47	76.7

09/27/2023 by Vic Romano

2023.3 Grinders Session Preview

It feels like it has been an eternity since the last meaningful Grinders game was played, way back in March. If you have forgotten or simply don’t care at all, Kellen led his super team to a convincing victory over E and his MVP/first team duo of Jimmy and Cole. It was honestly like a cinematic masterpiece: if you consider Dadbod on Dadbod crime cinema. Honestly sounds more like something heinous you’d stumble upon while taking a deep dive on the Hub. The mini session happened, and since then the Grinders talent has been as active as ever. They took their talents outdoors to the pickleball court where what started as a relaxing, casual event turned into a racket smashing, expletive hurling sweat fest. Tensions arose quickly, but dissipated just as fast as soon as the bucket of brews came out. And then the draft, from what I’ve heard through the grapevine, was as professional and elegant as you would expect. What I would give to have been a fly on the wall… I am so eager to see if the aftermath of last week carries into tonight. So many feuds and storylines for this session that you’d think Vince McMahon had taken over as AD! But enough of all that – it’s preview time, baybay.

Session Preview

The GAPE Chicken at Grinders HQ has thrown together an early power rankings, if you will, based on each teams’ average player WAR. Basically, the higher the cute little number with the decimals, the better that respective team is expected to be. Since WAR is typically reserved for individuals, the average of all players on a team, for now, I’ll call “GRIND.” Don’t question it. I also have not been sent any team names, so please be understanding, Grinders HQ has been working so very hard this offseason and hasn’t ironed everything out yet.

6) Cole’s Team (0.7568 GRIND)

This does put a smile on my face. I really am curious as to what the strategy was on draft night. Was Cole influenced by the preseason open runs and decided to just run that same team back for 10 more weeks? Consider this analyst skeptical. Taking Wayne early is a bit of a gamble, as no one is really sure what to expect. I’m not hating on it by any means – I am all about the high risk, high reward maneuvers. What I am NOT all about is the high risk, low reward picks in Jon “Bang Bang” Tirado and “Captain Integrity” Chuck. Two bottom 10 career WAR guys who love chucking from deep; unless Cole puts his foot down and forces them to work together, I can’t see much promise for this squad. And then the focal point of the draft, Richie, wont even be available for the first 6 games! A disappointing showing for sure, but sadly we must give Cole his props for going out of his way to sabotage Curtis’ team with the Richie pick. Speaking of…

5) Curtis’ Team (0.7586 GRIND)

Congrats AD! Your team is 0.0022 points better than Cole’s. How poetic. He really does love those 2’s. Especially when you take two 2’s and make a 22! Fascinating stuff. On paper, this team is not eye popping in the slightest. Joe and Ben are a little intriguing, as they provide good size and can potentially excel against smaller teams. Boccio in my opinion gets a bad rap. Sure he is not that useful offensively, but he is amongst the top defenders in the league, and shows great hustle and speed in loose ball situations. I really think he will find his way off of the All-Scrub team, as long as he hits some more open layups this session. Lil Josh will have his moments, but will likely be relegated to sitting in the corner on offense, waiting for a catch and shoot opportunity that will never come with Mr. WAP himself leading this team.

4) Jeff’s Team (0.87 GRIND)

Apparently, Jeff May used his draft money sparingly, and as a result this is the team he will be trotting out. He looked a little rusty to start last week’s open run, but quickly settled in and played his trademarked efficient scoring style game. This team will likely rely on the unproven newcomer Bryant, who showed flashes in his two open runs, but will need to show that he can replicate those flashes into a true Grinders setting. Pauly P, Mike Salvati, and Todd Nixon I feel like are essentially the same player – they can, but won’t contribute much offensively, but will bring the defense and hustle that could compliment their scorers well.

3) Jimmy’s Team (0.97 GRIND)

Reigning MVP Jimmy has showed in recent weeks that he hasn’t lost a step, and is looking to return to the championship scene after appearing with E’s team back in March. He brought back his former captain, who quietly was much improved in the spring session. Who could forget his infamous buzzer beater to force OT against Worm’s team? I expect him to play a large role in this offense. Jimmy took Ford for a questionable amount in the draft, and I must say I’m not fully against it. He has shown he can be a quality scorer, and against some of the smaller teams this session he could be a difference maker. I have zero information on newcomer Matt Kieta. Small Justin I feel will play a nice complimentary role with Jimmy leading the offense, and rumor has it he will be targeting opposing ankles again to give this team the extra push they need.

2) Gersitz’s Team (1.2 GRIND)

The eye test says this team is going to be super annoying to play against. The perennial first teamer snagged some solid value in the draft, starting off with his guy Al “Crazy” Derrico. His last 3 sessions have ended in a GAPE of 9.0 or higher, including 15 GAPE this previous mini session. He has plenty of experience playing alongside Gersitz, and that chemistry will lead to plenty of scoring opportunities for the two of them. Youngling Peyton has steadily improved each session, earning himself consecutive second-team All Grinders honors. He led the league in assists in the first session of 2023, and with this pass-first offense I can see him being up there once again. Newcomer Garrett I also have zero information on, other than I think he’s a big man – possibly Vaillancourt-esque, which could be exactly what this team needs to fill out the roster. Jon U finally gets to play alongside his son, and is reportedly thrilled to actually be allowed to touch the ball this session. This team is lacking a bit in size – Gersitz, Al, and Peyton have roughly the same build – but they make up for it with their ability to turn games into track meetsby running up and down the court for 40 minutes. Holy team cardio.

1) Kellen’s Team (1.4 GRIND)

The defending champs are running it back, and to no surprise they come in on top in these power rankings. Kellen built his team with minimal flaws, as they have the size to matchup with anybody in Tall Justin and Josh Lanzot, the scoring and playmaking prowess of Tommy, and the 3 & D combo of Kellen and Zach. Coming off of a first team All Grinder selection (mostly inflated from a 40 GAPE game 1) last session, Zach is looking to follow up with a strong full session. Tommy is reportedly in LeBron mode with the higher ups, so I’m sure he’ll be playing with a chip on his shoulder. I don’t think there is any one team that can fully matchup with these 5, and I will not be surprised if they end up going back-to-back this year. The Grinders faithful eagerly await the 7:30 game tonight, where they look to stomp out Cole’s team similarly to how they did in last sessions championship.

03/02/2023 by Kenny Blankenship

Week 7 Review

Yeah its a week late… whatever. You write these if you don’t like it.

Recap:

Old Man Jon had the greatest defensive effort in Grinders history, stealing a late pass from Worm with 2 seconds left, getting mauled by Boccio the Grinder, and tipping the ball to Eric “Big Balls” Boerdner for the game tying 3. OT was a formality.

Curtis took A LOT of shots.

There. Done. Enjoy.

02/21/2023 by GAPE Chicken

Week 6

Before we begin the weekly recap, I wanted take a moment to highlight the career, to date, of Grinder Curtis Masich. Curtis, as we all know, hitchhiked his way across Europe from his homeland in Serbia, bartering travel for various “acts”, before stowing away inside a cargo container filled with plastic dicks of various shapes and sizes, completing his arduous journey to the United States of America. Some would say he developed his legendary arm stamina while inside that cargo container, and that’s why he is able to shoot so much… but I am not sure why people would say that. Anyway, upon arrival, he quickly sold enough of his semen to afford an Uber ride all the way to Western New York, where he now plays Monday and Wednesday night basketball at our illustrious EBC. Curtis Masich, whom Grinders HQ named a prestigious award after just this week and also serves as Athletic Director for the club, is undoubtedly one of the most talented players in Grinders. His regular season performances have consistently been top-notch, with remarkable displays of skill and an unwavering commitment to shoot the basketball in complete disregard of his team’s success. But as talented as he is, there is one hurdle that Curtis has struggled to overcome – the playoffs.

It’s a bittersweet irony that a player as gifted as Curtis has never won a Grinder Championship. Year after year, he has given his all in the regular season, often with the steadfast belief he is the only Grinder on his team with talents of any kind, only to see his efforts thwarted in the postseason. For all his heroics during the regular season, the playoffs have been his kryptonite. His struggles in the postseason have become a frustrating trend for his fans and teammates alike.

No one knows for sure what causes Curtis to falter in the playoffs. Maybe it’s the pressure of expectations, or perhaps the heightened intensity of the competition. Whatever the reason, it’s a cruel twist of fate that such an accomplished player has not been able to translate his regular season form into postseason success.

It’s a testament to Curtis’s character that he keeps pushing himself despite his playoff struggles. He knows that his legacy as a player is incomplete without a Grinder Championship, and he’s determined to make it happen. Year after year, he returns to the court with the same fire and drive, eager to prove himself and lead his team to glory.

As we look ahead to the rest of this Grinder season, we can only hope that this is the year Curtis finally breaks through and leads his team to the championship. He deserves it, not just for his talent and hard work but also for his resilience in the face of playoff adversity. It’s not like he’s the kind of guy who would demand a trade the moment he isn’t team captain and has to share shots with Jon Tirado or anything.

Now – on to last week…

GAPE Chicken

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02/18/202308/28/2023 by Kenny Blankenship

What is the “Overall” stat?

The math nerd at Grinders HQ likes to play with numbers. He does it for a living and he does it to make fun of fellow grinders. That’s what really drives him. He’s sort of a dick that way.

The “Overall” stat is a measure of a player’s total performance. It factors in all of the positive along with all of the negative stuff a grinder does throughout every game, season, and career.

FAQs:

Q: Why? Don’t we have GAPE to do all that?

A: Overall is weighted by total contribution and also takes into account a player’s Suck Score. It’s a little different, but similar. You know what? Make up your own stats if you don’t like mine.

Q: What’s the formula? How do I calculate it?

A: Don’t worry about it.

Q: What is the score out of?

A: Mathematically, there is no limit. Typically though, scores range from 0-100. Extraordinary efforts may result in a score over 100, or if a player goes 3-3 shooting, and does literally nothing else. Also, terrible efforts may result in a negative Overall Score – and those are really special. I’m hear to celebrate those in particular.

Q: What will you use Overall for?

A: To humiliate the weak.

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46 - 49

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Jeff May

Gersitz

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36 - 46

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Jimmy

Curtis

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63 - 56

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KO

Cole

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37 - 58

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Curtis

Cole

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Canceled

Gersitz

Jimmy

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Canceled

Jeff May

KO

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37 - 68

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Jimmy

Jeff May

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37 - 41

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Cole

Gersitz

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54 - 57

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KO

Curtis

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58 - 40

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Gersitz

KO

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48 - 53

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Jeff May

Curtis

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46 - 51

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Jimmy

Cole

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58 - 56

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Jimmy

Curtis

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61 - 51

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KO

Cole

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