Not even the commissioner has the power to stop E’s Perfect Season

As we roll into another week of mediocre basketball, we sit back and reflect on the “decision”. 

When I say “decision”, I am not talking about…

“Which drive-thru Danny will go to after the game”

Or

“If Peyton will ever tell Kale the correct game time so he will actually show up”

Or

“Who should shoot free throws at the end of the game, Curti$$ or Jimmy”

I am talking about “the decision” on what should happen to the criminal Kellen after he stole that game last week. At least one person we interviewed was hoping for a lifetime ban- another, said that wasn’t harsh enough.

– Smelly Bob & some grinder

As you can see from the video, instead of playing Defense, Kellen bee-lined it over to cry to the commissioner after the shot. All he had to do was put a hand up and the game is over.

The results of the game have been changed. No fines have been issued. No suspensions. The commissioner stepped in and made his ruling. But is this really a good precedent to set? Being able to change game results days later? Hopefully on the podcast on Tuesday we can get insight on the decision. 

We really don’t want to alienate our fanbase. I have a few games I would like to change though.

---

Random Thoughts:

Cole has only been gone for 7 weeks and crime has spiked. This time last year, the only assault that ever occurred was with Tirado and the backboard. Fast forward to today, property values in City of Tonawanda have reached an all-time low. The league might need Cole more than we thought.

Are we sure this guy is legal drinking age? I need to see some ID

---

Danny might have hit the greatest shot since Nixon over Gersitz, only for it to be trumped five minutes four minutes and fifty-nine seconds later by the greatest shot in City of Tonawanda history… 

We were getting Cory’s Gatorade bath ready, making arrangements for the victory parade, the mayor was on his way with the key to the city, ESPN was already negotiating with us for film rights… 

But it was at this moment that E found out why they call him Knock-Out, cancelling out the “greatest shot in Grinders history”. I’m not sure if they were just tired, confused or just so use to losing that they just accepted their fate. But the fans in the arena that day knew what had happened – the biggest robbery in league history had just occurred. 

One onlooker described it as like a parent telling a kid “It’s over because I said so”. Someone needs to tell OMJ to adjust the stats for the game, add +1 steal for Kellen, because he stole that win. There hasn’t been a robbery that big since they traded the island of Manhattan from Helmets ancestors for $24 worth of beads and trinkets.

Cory went from never having to buy his own drinks at the bar ever again one minute, to just a small footnote in Kellen’s criminal history the next. All of this just one week after the biggest assault in league history. Can we let these escalating crimes continue? Or will the commissioner stand up to thugs like Kellen & Curtiss. 

At this point, it’s safer to walk down Bailey Ave at night then to lace up shoes at the EBC gym. 

The only positive of the whole situation is that E’s perfect season is still going strong.

Twas’ the Night Before Grinders Christmas: 

Twas the night before Grinders Christmas, all set on the court,

Sneakers squeaked echoes of chaos and sport.

Beers at the bar lined the counter in rows,

While hot takes were flowing as fast as they’d go.

Out of the shadows a rumor took flight,

Captain Tirado went missing, vanished that night—

Then BANG BANGIN’ rang out, a dramatic bookend,

A wild disappearing act, then this is how it ends?

Antonio Witt hit the floor, what a scene,

That injury looked straight off a movie screen.

While Richie’s hands broken, wrapped stiff, taped and sore,

Still tried to keep shooting—logic ignored.

Crazy ran amock, just chaos in shoes,

As Tommy yelled loudly till his team sang the blues.

Pauly P blocked subs like a bouncer at ten,

“No one is checking in’!”—not now, not then!

Jimmy and Curt, yeah, unfair was the cry,

Whistles went missing when they happened to try.

And Kellen played like 2011 LeBron,

Disappeared when it mattered, the confidence gone.

Gersitz, distracted, his mind far away,

Too focused on laundromats spinning all day.

While Jeff May fired shots in signal chat fire,

Random disses launched with unprompted desire.

Danny kept coughing, just couldn’t get clear,

Hack after hack echoing gym walls all year.

But Salvati, the fifth man, put the team on his back,

Quietly carried while others went slack.

Chaz ripped Cole’s MVP from his floppin’ behind,

A theft for the ages, still blows Coles mind.

Alec shot from the Great Divide, deep and insane,

Launching prayers that defied space and plane.

Paul J and Boccio showed football hands flair,

Catching wild passes that shouldn’t be there.

Bobby Swags stayed swaggin’, drip fully intact,

While Bryant—controlled?! Hows about that.

E kept podcasting, mic always hot,

Breaking down games like Cole likes to flop

Chuck stayed chuckin’, let it fly, never froze,

While Worm kept shugin’—elbows! Your nose!

Garrett hit the inhaler, gasped then attacked,

Second-wind buckets—medically backed.

Justin stayed tall, towering still,

Kale stayed produce, farm-fresh skilled

Peyton had angry spurts, fire then peace,

While Jon U delivered a stellar season, hehe!

Little Josh subbed in—a rare sacred sight,

Like spotting a comet mid-game on a night.

Lanzot and Ben—oh boy—did they make it?! 

Corey Angel Reesing grabbed rebounds all day,

Board after board in a dominant way.

And Cole did not win, despite all the jeering,

Not this time around, since Wayne cant carry!

So raise up those beers as the legends are spun,

Enjoy it while it lasts—because Curt won.

Yes Curt took the crown, let the prophecy run…

The apocalypse is here. Merry Christmas. WE’RE DONE!!!!!!!!!🎄🍻