Let’s get one thing straight, it doesn’t matter if its Super Bowl Wednesday, 9/11 or if its game 7 of the Stanely cup playoffs, Tirado will not change the schedule. Why start early when you can piss off the entire league at the same time. 

Talking about football did you see Josh Allens Garrets pass in the early game? He hit one open guy with a lob pass and proceeds to recreate the same pass five more times which resulted in five turnovers. Rumors were spreading whether or not that was really Garret or Mike Ford in a wig. Good thing Ed “Bobby” Reed was subbing, because that pass is not going through when he is on the court. Luckily Chaz saw this and decided to not pass the entire game which would have single handily won them the game, but he forgot to play defense on Bryant. “BBQ Bryant” shot lights out in the stretch, highlighted at one point by almost breaking a light with one of the worst shots in grinders history. Everyone on the sidelines instantly texted Curtiss for the footage which resulted in a temporary Verizon wireless outage. 

The shootaround warmup for the 7:30 game was abruptly by Tommy Garret yelling about start times. …Wait, did you really think the beat writer was going to cover both games for this AAA league? I don’t have time for this… I didn’t get a nap last night at the scorers table like Grant. 

TDLR: Lil Josh was the difference maker, after locking down Big Josh. Tirado won on the court but he did not win at the bar, as he thought it was a good idea to have an open tab to celebrate… he may never financially recover from the amount of pesos he spent.

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It was supposed to be a quiet ladder week, with not much on the line… but this narrative couldn’t be more wrong.  Peyton took down Al to gain the 1st round bye. Notable absentee was Gersitz who nobody has heard from in 2 weeks. Curtis checked the cameras and saw him get into Chuck the bartenders truck at 1am last Wednesday. Not sure if it was a sex thing, or if he was delivering him to Peyton’s basement to share a room with Kale. Either way, it was to Peyton’s benefit and they have almost guaranteed a spot in the championship. Nixon who hasn’t shown up since Curtis punched him in the face was also absent. 

Cole’s triumphant return to possibly the worst team in recent memory might have generated the best clips of the year. While Comedy Central has already been calling to get the roast rights, we really need to break down the 2 viral clips. The last time the league has got this many views, was when a clip surfaced of Garrett with no shirt on. 

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The fall

Fans were delighted to see another clip of Cole on the ground. Dave was heard saying after “There hasn’t been such a great clip of Cole falling -since last Monday!” While the clubs insurance has doubled since Cole joined, Sandy’s meatball bombers have closed the gaps in the budget. 

They always say to never meet your heroes

But just like Jordan on the Wizards, it’s just not the same watching your heroes after their prime. 

Usually when you get a “celebrity” sub, you get somebody that can actually play- or at least someone comparable to the guy they are subbing for. OMJ filled Tirados shoes no problem, I don’t think anybody had an issue there. But Cole for Danny? The way Cole crumbled after Tommy hit him with his up and under… Danny hasn’t fell like that since they announced the food court at the blvd mall is closing.  The only 3-point record Cole has is Maliki hitting 13 on him in a championship.

Witt was heard saying on an hot mic after , “ I could have sold that better”. 

You can tell Salvati had enough when instead of going to see if he was ok, he turned away and was heard mumbling “this guy should have stayed retired”. The amount of people that went over to see if he was OK, was lower than Es total wins on the year.

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The Assault

Cole used his arm like a nunchuck to Richie’s head at the end of a meaning less game at the end of a meaningless season.

While most were concerned with Richie’s safety, Curtis’s leaned back with pride knowing he’s no longer the dirtiest player in the league. 

It’s amazing that garret didn’t have 50 points last night. Those pants got tight real quick. I wish everyone could seen his face. He jumped up, starting clapping and the smile on his face was astonishing. 

I’d argue that Richie is 2x, or maybe closer to 3x the person he once was, but I’m not sure how he let that one slide.

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Its that time of year again- awards time. Since all of Grinders HQ seem to have Sabres season tickets all of sudden, which I don’t blame them, we literally have fans falling asleep at the games now, we have decided to help out with awards voting.

If you forgot all the back-alley deals from last season, let me remind you…

Kellen “Hey can I get man of the year?”

E “Yea, as long as I get coach of the year.”

This is not a poll, but even if it was- Grinders HQ would ignore it anyways because they don’t care about you. So come Christmas, please remember to put OMJ and smelly bob on your Christmas cards list because we do care… 

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Grinders All Diabetes Team

Pick 3

• Danny
• Richie
• Cory
• Josh L

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Who would get the most action in prison?

Pick 1

• Grant
• Tennage Garrett

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Least likely to pass the gravy at thanksgiving

Pick 1

• Curtis

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Best Hair

Pick 1

• Worm
• Jeff May
• Tommy
• Gersitz
• Jon Witt

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Most trusted to do your taxes (your favorite 4 eyed player)

Pick 1

• Lil Josh
• Crazy Al
• Nixon

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Ed Reed Defensive award

Pick 1

• Bobby

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Helmet Man of the Year

Pick 1

• Cory

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Worst Team

Pick 1

• 2026,1 Eric Boerdner
• 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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Most Dependable

Pick 1

• Kale
• Ben
• Concussed Ford

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What took the biggest beating this year?

Pick 1

• Cole’s Pickball Paddle
• Those pedo pickles beating it to young Garrett
• EBC furniture and backboards

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Ben vs showing up VS Gersitz vs leaving

No contact from Kale VS Witt vs contact VS Nixons Nose vs Contact

Bryant vs being high VS Kellen vs drafting low

Cole vs Standing VS Dave vs Sitting

Salvati vs the horn

The only guy that hates the horn is the only guy that repairs it… doesn’t make much sense

Witt vs Contact

The guy is on his back more than Richie’s sister

Garret vs oxygen

The guy is making Danny look like a marathon runner

Bryant vs being high

Technically if he is always high, he never is

AK vs playing time

AK is really just a sober Dave

Pauly P vs Player Management

Dave will be available to keep stats throughout the playoffs

Kellen vs Drafting Short

Guy thought he was drafting the EBC hockey team

Little Cuz vs clean defense

Clean defense doesn’t run in that family

Kale vs Grants knot tying abilities

He will escape one day

Cory vs working

The guy is retired and still can’t seem to show up

Garret vs shorts

Easier to hide your boner for Cole in pants

Jeff May vs the “OMJ” moniker

He is the true OMJ,  Old Man Jeff

Maliki vs playing two consecutive sessions

“He is playing next session” – Only heard that ten times

Zach vs Offensive Possessions

He shoots so quick so he can run back and play D

Some of the greatest rivalries of all time include…

Richie vs his waistband

Someone needs to tell Richie he is one slice of pizza away from shopping at Big & Tall. 

Crazy Al vs layups

Why shoot a layup when you can take a 5 foot jump shot?

Chaz vs subbing

Can’t score from the bench

Dave vs Playing time

Guy got drafted to the bar, not to a team

Lanzot vs jump-shots

Why shoot when you can pass?

Gersitz vs his hairline

Get this guy a plane ticket to Turkey already. Hairline going up faster than Richie’s shirt sizes

Tirado vs the backboard

Trump needs to get tirado on a plane with five basketballs and fly him over Iraq. War would be over real quick.

E vs the EBC membership

Don’t have to pay late fees if you never join

Worm vs Poor People

Has he ever mentioned he has a hot tub?

Curtis vs Assists

Guys thinks a chest pass is a sex positon

Alec vs knowing there is a bar attached to the gym

Did anyone ever tell him?

Danny vs Supersize Me

Dumb documentary took away Danny sized portions

Lil Josh vs carrots

Eat some nerd

Part 2 Coming Tuesday…

You idiots need to check the website more. Sure OMJ says traffic is up, but after a deep dive into analytics, we found out that most of the traffic was coming from a popular pedophile website and they were all going and saving Garrets Picture. 

Game of the Year?

This week, instead of covering all the games we are just going to focus on what could possibly be labeled as “game of the year” the 8:30 matchup between Pauly P and E. Years from now, people are going to be asking… “where were you when that game happened?”, everyone’s answer will be different but also the same… “not there”. Event security never seen such a mass exodus after the 7:30 game, maybe everybody heard about the $5 meatball subs at the bar. Fans were rushing to the exits at tipoff careful not to get stuck for this preseason WNBA matchup. Worm even scheduled a work meeting at the bar just to make sure he accidently didn’t get stuck. About halfway through the game, one of the stat guys even left because he had enough. Luckily Dave wasn’t doing anything so he filled in– even though Pauly P was up by 40 at halftime, they still didn’t let Dave play. Somebody needs to tell Danny that even though the McRib is back, games are not cancelled. With one week remaining, the perfect season continues.

For anybody that was stuck at the scorer’s table last night from 8:31 on, please see the below PSA

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If you need to talk, the 988 Lifeline is here.

At the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, we understand that life’s challenges can sometimes be difficult. Whether you’re facing mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, or just need someone to talk to, our caring counselors are here for you. You are not alone.

Just Dial 988 on any phone

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Last night was a great night at the river, with three unscheduled boat races that had fans rethinking on whether they want renew their season tickets for next year. 

It all started with the 6:30 game which was over at about 6:31. Setting the tone early, was the gameplan for Kellen and his middle school friends, but Richie had his own idea throwing up two airballs- to give a new meaning to “starting strong”. 

At this point, from all the $1 airballs from Richie and Curtis, the New York Power Authority has sent a w-9 to league offices for tax reasons.

They played more defense on Cory during “the shot” then they did on Crazy throughout this game. Meanwhile, rumor has is the scorer table is still adding up Josh’s assists. League secretaries are working on new stat sheets as we speak.

It’s to nobody’s surprise that Dave was a healthy scratch again this week even though he passed his physical. Chaz looked like he never subbed back in after last week. The defending champs are looking like the most mentally strong team entering the playoffs. Peyton, coming off MVP chants last week, played like his girlfriend just broke up with him. A last minute change up on defense confirmed to everyone, they lost their confidence in the once unanimous MVP choice.  

Fans were confused when Garrett showed up to play looking like an out of work gym teacher. Was this a league game, or just a pickup game at Planet fitness? E’s team might have had a chance in this one, but once Garrett looked up and saw Cole on the balcony- he almost poked a hole in those pants and we all knew the perfect season would continue. 

I know everyone is busy and can’t stay to watch all the games, Alec has to bolt to get home to talk shit to Tirado online, Jimmy has to get home to rest after carrying Curtiss for years, AK needs to get home to shower after all the playing time he gets, and I know everyone loves waiting a week for the Podcast—so here is what happened last night and I won’t bore you with periods… talking about periods, what was up with Tommy Pickles last night having an absolute meltdown about him showing up late… the league gametimes have not changed in a decade and he shows up late and crys for 2 hours until big daddy cole and to come and calm him down- get this dude a watch and an icepack cuz curtiss absoulety tackled his ass when the game was on the line, most people forgot about how dirty curtiss is, well nixon hasn’t forgotten- it was a tight game, but the guys on the podcast called it right-no upset here— moving onto the 7:30 game, this was actually a close game, almost being called a boat race until Chaz finally learned how to sub and their lead magically disappeared – I hope he learned his lesson and never subs again… the only sub he should be having is a chicken finger sub with Danny after the game- we might have a new chaz stopper with pauly J sending his shit to the canal, Garret seeing limited gametime due to lung capacity but that didn’t stop him from subbing in the 8:30 game and totally forgetting that he has the lung capacity of a new-born baby, strange… Josh came late and he didn’t scream for three hours…. Maybe he is trying to keep a low profile with ICE running around, or maybe he is just an adult— the game came down to the final three minutes and don’t worry E’s perfect season is still alive

Not even the commissioner has the power to stop E’s Perfect Season

As we roll into another week of mediocre basketball, we sit back and reflect on the “decision”. 

When I say “decision”, I am not talking about…

“Which drive-thru Danny will go to after the game”

Or

“If Peyton will ever tell Kale the correct game time so he will actually show up”

Or

“Who should shoot free throws at the end of the game, Curti$$ or Jimmy”

I am talking about “the decision” on what should happen to the criminal Kellen after he stole that game last week. At least one person we interviewed was hoping for a lifetime ban- another, said that wasn’t harsh enough.

– Smelly Bob & some grinder

As you can see from the video, instead of playing Defense, Kellen bee-lined it over to cry to the commissioner after the shot. All he had to do was put a hand up and the game is over.

The results of the game have been changed. No fines have been issued. No suspensions. The commissioner stepped in and made his ruling. But is this really a good precedent to set? Being able to change game results days later? Hopefully on the podcast on Tuesday we can get insight on the decision. 

We really don’t want to alienate our fanbase. I have a few games I would like to change though.

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Random Thoughts:

Cole has only been gone for 7 weeks and crime has spiked. This time last year, the only assault that ever occurred was with Tirado and the backboard. Fast forward to today, property values in City of Tonawanda have reached an all-time low. The league might need Cole more than we thought.

Are we sure this guy is legal drinking age? I need to see some ID

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Danny might have hit the greatest shot since Nixon over Gersitz, only for it to be trumped five minutes four minutes and fifty-nine seconds later by the greatest shot in City of Tonawanda history… 

We were getting Cory’s Gatorade bath ready, making arrangements for the victory parade, the mayor was on his way with the key to the city, ESPN was already negotiating with us for film rights… 

But it was at this moment that E found out why they call him Knock-Out, cancelling out the “greatest shot in Grinders history”. I’m not sure if they were just tired, confused or just so use to losing that they just accepted their fate. But the fans in the arena that day knew what had happened – the biggest robbery in league history had just occurred. 

One onlooker described it as like a parent telling a kid “It’s over because I said so”. Someone needs to tell OMJ to adjust the stats for the game, add +1 steal for Kellen, because he stole that win. There hasn’t been a robbery that big since they traded the island of Manhattan from Helmets ancestors for $24 worth of beads and trinkets.

Cory went from never having to buy his own drinks at the bar ever again one minute, to just a small footnote in Kellen’s criminal history the next. All of this just one week after the biggest assault in league history. Can we let these escalating crimes continue? Or will the commissioner stand up to thugs like Kellen & Curtiss. 

At this point, it’s safer to walk down Bailey Ave at night then to lace up shoes at the EBC gym. 

The only positive of the whole situation is that E’s perfect season is still going strong.