Category: Vic Romano

by Vic Romano

The Path to Grinder Glory

Stop reading my bi-line you creeps

Vic Romano

Hello Grinders faithful. Have you missed us? We sure haven’t missed you! Just kidding… mostly. Yes, it’s true – we’ve been slacking pretty hard here at Grinders HQ. If you want the truth, we’ve found this session extremely boring. Not worth our time really to step away from our extremely interesting and very cool lives to write down our thoughts about all this mid basketball being played. What do you want from us? Here’s your recap of Weeks 3 through 9: Cole’s team and Pauly P’s team are annoyingly good. Every other team is subpar and borderline lousy. Recap over.

But in all seriousness, I have felt a little bad that you haven’t had our weekly goodness to absorb with your eyeballs. So, while this won’t be a recap article, I thought it was a neat and new idea. I’ll be going down the line and detailing how achieving Grinders glory is a possibility for each team. And, because you all suck, I’ll also be detailing how every team will NOT win the Grinders championship. (I’m sure there’s better verbiage for what I’m doing here. You’ll get the gist.)

1 – TheMV(Pauly)P’s
When these guys actually show up to play, they are a nightmare for defenses. You have last sessions real MVP, captain Pauly; perennial PITA and 1st Team All-Grinder lock Gersitz, and a healthy Mike Malicki. In my opinion, this team can F right off. Salvati is that 4th man everyone wishes they had, with his grit and grind play style and ability to hit a fair share of his open jumpers. Pending no more season-ending injuries, I fail to see how these guys aren’t in the final 2. They move the ball well, they force defenders into 1-on-1 situations, and they hit their shots at an above average rate. Especially Gersitz, casually hitting 60% of his attempts. So lame!

Key to Success: Just have all hands on deck. Boring analysis I know, but would anyone disagree? They have the size and athleticism to matchup against bigger teams, and Pauly P and Salvati are more than capable on the perimeter.


Key to Failure: Besides injury, the only weakness I can think of is if we see the return of 2023 Malicki where he shoots 0/20 or whatever, and if Gersitz is somehow held below 20 points. They would need to play horrendously to fall short of a ring this season.

2 – TeamSlimThick(Cole)
Speaking of annoying teams to play against… the most intimidating big man duo we’ve seen in quite some time of Cole and Wayne have been terrorizing small chumps for months. Hate em or love em, both men are averaging double doubles, and even Richie is flirting with a double double himself somehow. People forget he’s on the team! Tirado and Chuck let it fly from deep while Wayne and Cole play bully ball down low. And they can also shoot from range. Stupid team I say. Their only 2 losses came due to being short handed (missing either Cole or Wayne) and while they’ve had a few close calls, they know how to hunker down and come up clutch. And while we haven’t seen it too often, if the shots are falling from 3, there might not be a team that can keep up offensively. Again, not to be boring, but I fail to see a future where this team isn’t defending their championship in a couple of weeks.

Key to Success: Feed the top 2 guys. Let Wayne and Cole do damage down low, and defenses will be forced to bring help, leaving Tirado/Chuck open on the outside. They’ve shown that they’re a tough team to score on, so exploit any mismatches, score how you can, pass the ball around, and like Pauly P’s team, force those 1-on-1 situations.


Key to Failure: Cole and Wayne rain suck, and Tirado/Chuck/Richie can’t carry them on their backs. Granted, I don’t think anyone could carry those two guys at once, unless you’re an Olympic power lifter, and even then I’d still be concerned for your health and well being. Get it because heavy. The only team that’s given Cole’s squad problems is Pauly P’s. Everyone else is just not big/good enough. They’d need an extremely poor offensive performance to fall short of the championship game. Or maybe Tirado channels his inner Bang Bang and shoots 2/30 from the field.

3 – Team “MyRock”(Peyton)
I am confused. Should a team with two guys on the All-Grinders Teams be 4-5? The young captain’s squad has lost 4 of their last 5, and we don’t even have to bring up the squandered 15 point lead from two weeks ago… against Old Man Jon nonetheless. Nearly half of their games have been decided by one possession, but is that really the problem? On paper this should be a top 2 team – Peyton really went all in with what should be a small-ball death lineup with Jimmy, $5 Tommy and Bryant. Worm was on the team, then wasn’t, and then was again, and he has been decent if unspectacular (when he shows up). Sure, on draft day it was determined this would be an extremely boom-or-bust lineup. Especially with having no true big man. Perhaps the youngling failed to take into account that by putting together such an offensive-minded squad, literally no other team will play anything but zone, and sometimes they just look flummoxed by it, especially against teams with size. Something just feels off, especially when everyone on the court seems to flourish when they’re ball-dominant.

Key to Success: Move the damn ball more! We’ve seen everyone have their moments, but when every team plays zone against you, you have to keep the ball moving and find an opening. Also, you have 3 of the fastest and most athletic guys in the entire league. Run that fastbreak – and don’t be afraid to ride the hot hand. If all 5 guys can coexist and distribute the rock evenly, a late season run is certainly not out of the picture.


Key to Failure: Play selfish and take forced shots. Which we’ve seen from multiple guilty parties. Sometimes the shots aren’t falling, and that’ll happen, but forcing low percentage shots against teams with better cohesion is the reason why this talented team has been doing up short.

4 – Team “Where’smyfoul?!” E
Bolstered by the league giant Tall Justin, this team has seen some ups but more downs – it’s unclear what the root of their 4-6 record is. 4 guys (Justin, Ford, Zach, and Ben) have GAPEs in the double digits and respectable shooting percentages over 33%. Captain E’s production has dipped, but this analyst has noticed the sharp uptick in assists this session, as E is averaging 4 dimes a game! When Justin is being tall and stuff and Ford goes to work or whatever, they are not an easy out. They have the ability to control the boards against most other teams, and they don’t turn the ball over too often – it really seems like it’s just a matter if everyone shows up to play or not. If Justin and Ford are connecting, and Ben/E can contribute, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched for them to make it at least to the semifinals.


Key to Success: Let Justin hit his unblockable jump shots, and everyone else plays 3&D ball. Ideally we’d have to see E knock down some of his patented pull up jumpers and drive, Zach can hit his open looks from 15 feet and in, and Ben + Ford have shown this season they’re capable of hitting from range. And when things aren’t going their way, whether it’s on the court or off of it, they have to keep their composure.


Key to Failure: A cold streak can be trouble for pretty much any team, but since E will be playing Team Al in the playoff opener, I went back and looked at the box score when these two last squared off. E shot 50% on his way to 22 points, and Justin had a double double with 18 points and 15 rebounds. The issue is that Ben and Ford shot for a combined 20% from the field (1/11 and 2/17, respectively). Not great! And they only lost to Al by 2 points. Another thing I noticed is in most of their losses, the opposing team generally has significantly higher game shooting percentages. I’m not saying they are bad defensively, but against some the more potent offenses in the league (Peyton, Cole, Pauly P) it will be tough to hang in there if one of their scorers goes cold.

5 – Team “NoDAllowed” Al
Maybe this is an exaggeration due to last week’s OT thriller, in which they fell short in the battle for the 3 seed 81-83. But, looking through their session, every team team Al has faced has scored more than 50 points. In fact, the lowest opposing final score in their 1-4 start to the session was 58. They have improved slightly in that regard over the last 5 games, not allowing an opponent to score over 60 – but they’ve shown that they need an all around scoring effort to overcome their opponents. Hell, last week Jeff May dropped 39 points on nearly 50% shooting, and they still couldn’t pull out the victory. There’s no doubt that they have an above average offense, with Jeff May and Garrett averaging over 18 PPG and Al/Joe both in the double digits as well. Nixon, while only appearing 4 games this session, is a nice complementary option as well. But giving up 83 points with playoff implications on the line feels pretty telling to me.


Key to Success: Overcome offensive onslaughts. From a numbers standpoint, you can pretty much chalk in at least 50 points from the other team. I’d say defense is the key, but that just doesn’t appear to be in Al’s gameplan. So, I’d say let Jeff May and Garrett get theirs, let Joe cook down low every now and then, and have Al hit his signature baseline jumpers – as long as everyone shoots around 40-50 percent, there’s a chance they can win some duels. With the playoff opener against team E, who they split their session series with, they are susceptible to cold shooting streaks – Al’s team needs to capitalize if such a situation arises.


Key to Failure: Defensive ineptitude. If they have all hands on deck and have a sub to work with, maybe they can let their guys get some rest – but this is the most glaring issue with this team. I’d say there’s still a chance if Jeff May goes nuclear and everyone else contributes handily, but then I look at last week where that happened and it still didn’t matter. I don’t really know a solution, so I’ll just say “D the F up.”

Team “Curtis” Jon
Unfortunately, despite Curtis averaging 32 PPG, Team OMJ is the first Grinders team to miss the playoffs.

Key to Success: Curtis play good.

Key to Failure: Curtis play not good.

Blurb end.

by The Beat Writer Staff

Opening Night – Week 1

Captain Tenneal Avatar
Vic Romano Avatar

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
01/24/2024 6:30 pm Grinders 2024.1 40'
01/24/2024
40 - 43
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
E1418550.32730102474140Loss
Old Man Jon3120670.29936104344043Win
6:30 Team OMJ 43 vs Team E 40 Both teams were missing pieces of their teams and both teams needed a sub. This seemed to be a theme of week 1. One of the barguements (patent pending term) was who got lucky and “subbed up”. Pauly “MV” P was selected to be the replacement for Lanzot and OMJ. Peyton was chosen to sub for Zach and “his highness” Michael Francis Ford Coppola VII. Would the subs determine the outcome?

The game started off slowly with respect to scoring. It seemed like each team was having a hard time figuring out their roles and where the shots were going to come from. If Eldridge needed a driveway built, these 2 squads would have gladly paved a brick one for them.

As the game settled in, Team E looked to run the offense through “Tall for Nothing” Justin, getting touches in the paint. The OMJ defense responded by swarming him when he got the ball. Justin was mildly effective in the first half, but faded in the second, finishing with a 13/8 stat line on 33% from the field. That percentage seemed to be the going rate for E squad as Ben “MIA” Sears “and RoebucK” went 4 of 12 to go along with 9 rebounds. Sub Peyton fared a little better shooting 5 of 13 to go along with 4 blocks (one of them he blocked with the crook of his elbow…..damn). Captain E must have been saving it for later cause his shooting was dreadful in this game. E got his looks (some forced) but they just didn’t go down (3 of 12, 6 assists). Sometimes teams just have off shooting nights. I think this was one of those, and not a precursor for the rest of the season.

One guy who doesn’t have a problem taking (and sometimes making) shots is Curtis “insert foreign nickname that we can’t pronounce” Maisch. Curtis led his offensively deficient team (and the game) with 25 points to go along with 17 rebounds and 4 assists. Big Curty dominated the action at both ends, controlling the pace. Mike “Soft off the Glass?” Boccio continued to try his best and finished with a 4/4/3/1 stat line, and was able to effect the game with his hustle. ‘Lil Josh has one of his better games in recent memory contributing 8 points on 9 shots (including an “And 1”) on Tall Justin. Josh spent most of the second half dropping his nuts on Justin’s chin like a cop dunks a donut in coffee. To be honest, his buckets were big momentum grabbers in the second half, and helped the Old Men keep their slim lead. When Curt got cold, sub “MV” Palombo contributed some extra possessions (13 rebounds) as well as executing some screens to get the chucking AD some easier looks.

The game came down to the last minute where the new foul shot rule came into effect. Curt stepped up and drilled his first 2 which seemed to ice the game. Team E came down and hit a big bucket to cut the lead. Curt again stepped to the line with a chance to ice it. He missed BOTH free throws giving the E squad a chance to force OT. As E set to launch the tying 3, Curt redeemed himself with a big block, and the shot never got off. Some in the crowd say ‘Lil Josh threw the body and a foul should have occurred, but oh well. Game over.

Fun facts from the game: 1. We saw the first free throws in Grinders history: Curtis Maisch 2/4. The AD will always be the answer to a Grinders trivia question. 2. The “barguement” over which team subbed up I feel is a little null and void. Both Pauly P. and Peyton did a little something better than the other throughout the stat sheet. Pauly had more rebounds, assists, and steals. Peyton had more points and blocks. 3. Team OMJ is merely 1 win away from the over/under set by Vegas at the beginning of the year. How many of you had money on the under?

E

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Ben Sears00014120.3330.3759921035.01043.3
Eric Boerdner00023120.2500.3338560001.71043.3
Justin Rybinski00016180.3330.36113810022.7843.0
Sub00105130.3850.385108114212.71350.5
Total001418550.3270.36440301024722.04171.2

Old Man Jon

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Curtis Masich240111270.4070.4262517413013.73276.4
Josh Morcelle0000490.4440.4448200010.7454.0
Mike Boccio00202170.1180.1184431013.3-69.0
Sub00103140.2140.21461332028.31033.5
Total243120670.2990.30643361043426.04068.4

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
01/24/2024 7:30 pm Grinders 2024.1 40'
01/24/2024
45 - 48
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Pauly P0122570.38627152365145Loss
Peyton5222640.34428117193748Win

7:30pm – Peyton vs. Pauly P

One of the more intriguing matchups of this 2024 opening session, the two first-time captains trotted out their teams, both with that sort of “boom or bust” vibe to them. The real MVP Pauly P ran the offense and fed his guy Gersitz, who breezed his way to an 18/10/5 stat line on 60% shooting. Gersitz looked way more GAPEy than he did most of last session, reasserting his dominance as a top dog with 27 GAPE. Pauly wasn’t too far behind, as he matched Mike with 18 points of his own, frustrating the defense with that silky smooth left handed floater. Salvati, AKA Mike 2, had a forgettable evening, as he only managed to sink 2 of his 14 attempts, but he played some solid defense with 3 blocks. Helmet must have had a dream that he was Steph Curry or something, as he was letting it fly from range – he did connect on one 3 ball, but his GAPE of 1 left much to be desired. If Malicki can make his return and is even marginally better than the last time we saw him in action, this team could be an overwhelming force. But, until then, they will likely rely heavily on the two former MVPs to carry the bulk of the load.

Peyton’s team definitely has a theme – high volume shooters and ball handlers galore. For those who don’t know about the draft day debacle, somehow we saw our youngest Grinder weasel his way into securing Tommy for only $5. On the surface, this team should be capable of dropping 60+ every week. But there were some growing pains in their first game – primarily, perennial MVP candidate Jimmy seeing the least amount of playing time and the man who’s never seen a shot he didn’t like, Bryant. 21 points looks nice on the stat sheet, but then it gets ugly – 30 shots and 0 secondary stats outside of rebounds? Not exactly a winning formula. When Jimmy was in the game, he looked like his usual self with an efficient 8 points – but a GAPE of 8 feels like an all-time low for this guy. For the team’s sake they’ll need to get him the ball more frequently and let him do his thing. The $5 man himself, Tommy, couldn’t find a groove, outside of one of his signature scoop layup drives – 5 points, 5 rebounds and 5 turnovers is just so fitting for Tommy. Him and fives! He did have 4 steals and a block, but essentially canceled those out with 5 turnovers and a 2/9 shooting performance that included 2 airballs. Eric “Cuz” Carlson made his return, and we didn’t see too much hacking, but he did drill a three-pointer and added a steal. Peyton led the way in GAPE for his team with 13, and contributed 6 points, along with 10 boards, 4 assists and 2 steals. We will all be praying for him this week when he has to play de-facto “big” man against Cole’s team.

Pauly P

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Justin Gerardi0001290.2220.2785410021.3128.3
Mike Gersitz00009150.6000.600181051015.32789.5
Mike Salvati00002140.1430.1434550307.7526.4
Paul Palumbo00009190.4740.47418841034.71863.5
Total000122570.3860.39545271523619.05187.5

Peyton

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Bryant The Grinder001110300.3330.35021600002.0641.5
Eric Carlson0011380.3750.4387311003.0650.4
Jimmy Zeitz0000480.5000.5008420021.3858.0
Peyton Urbaniak0010390.3330.33361042027.31346.3
Tommy Hughes1220290.2220.22255441511.7422.8
Total125222640.3440.35947281171925.33766.5

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
01/24/2024 8:30 pm Grinders 2024.1 40'
01/24/2024
63 - 55
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Cole0627680.39741164187363Win
Crazy4525710.35223990133355Loss

8:30 Chuckin’ Champs 63 vs. Crazy Al 55

The matinee game (after schedule alterations) for week 1 turned out to be a pretty competitive affair. Usually the first week of a new Grinders season tends to be low scoring as new teammates are getting used to each other, and the open runs aren’t populated. This was the case in the 6:30/7:30 games, as none of the those teams cracked the 50 point barrier.

New guy Garrett “Bee-Sting Wee Wee” got it started for team Al. He was continually able to drive by the “Matador D” of both Wayne and Cole, leading to easy layups or a drive and dish scenario. This allowed the Crazies to grab an early first-half lead. Garrett (10/24, 21 pts, 4 ast., 3 stls) was able to get Crazy Al (14/7/2/3) loose for his baseline jumpers as well as get some open looks for Todd “Big Dixon” Nixon (6/5/1/2). About the only guy that wasn’t getting it going for the Crazies was Jeff “Superman” May.

The Champs were still in parade/hangover condition. They came out shooting blanks (mostly Cole and Thomasulo). As they continued to misfire like a vasectomy victim, Wayne “Phonebooth” Haynes and “First Ballot” Boerdner (who was subbing) did find some open room near the hoop to get some easy lay-ins to keep the margin (9) somewhat close at the half.

As the second half began, the Champs did what they had done all last season, get hot. Statracker (Jeff May 14/10/2/1) stated the Champs went on a 16-2 run to open up in the second half, claiming a lead they would never relinquish. Chuck “Parkman” Thomasulo (11/8/1) drained a couple 3’s early in the run. Wayne found his bearings too, drilling (3) 3’s en route to a 18/12/4/2 statline. The real story in the second half for the Champs was their sub, E. Boerdner took over in the second half, running the Stockton/Malone pick and roll to perfection. E finished with 21 points to go along with 8 boards, 3 assists, and 2 steals. He also had a game high GAPE of 28. This begs the question, “Do the Champs need Richie?”

Random stuff from the game:
Wayne, Chuck, and E were each 1/2 from the free throw line. There were no over-and-back violations.

Cole

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole00016150.4000.433131380146.32258.8
Chuck Thomasulo12024180.2220.27811810022.7328.0
Wayne Haynes12037200.3500.425181242028.02056.4
Sub120010150.6670.66721832006.728101.3
Total360627680.3970.44163411641823.773109.8

Crazy

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico00126170.3530.41214723018.31349.8
Garrett Beesing001110240.4170.43821143046.31047.9
Jeff May00126250.2400.280141021075.3021.2
Todd Nixon0010350.6000.6006512015.71043.3
Total004525710.3520.38755239901325.73362.5
by The Beat Writer Staff

Week 3 Review

In Week 3, Grinders had the pleasure of watching two Polish guys and one Crazy guy dismantle the reigning champions, elbows get thrown, numerous injuries, and Team Jeff May actually get a chance to play. Oh and there was some sort of tussle or something. Enjoy this week’s recaps written with help of Vic Romano and GAPE Chicken.

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
10/11/2023 6:30 pm Grinders 2023.3 40'
10/11/2023
58 - 40
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Gersitz2228580.483271312057058Win
KO6418490.36724932102840Loss

This week kicked off with was supposed to be, according to beat reporter Vic, a lopsided game between the reigning Grinder’s Champions, Kellen and The Jets taking on Team “Life on the DL” Gersitz. And indeed… it was – just not in the manner anyone expected.

Team KO came out strong, but quickly faded as Father Time had his way with team captain, Kellen. A non-contact injury to his knee while chasing a loose ball ended the captain’s night, but not before he fired up 11 shots, missing 8 and earning a -1 GAPE. Defensive stalwart Zach Newberry was nursing an injury of his own and was expecting to play only a few minutes each half. Unfortunately he was forced to hobble his way through all but a few minutes – and honestly was the only one on his team who showed any spirit in the games final minutes. Tall Justin was left gasping for air, and had a double-double (13/10). Josh Lanzot did his normal Josh things – and managed to bulldoze his way to one of the Guys of the Week on 54.5% shooting. Tommy contributed nearly nothing to his team’s efforts, but did turn the ball over 3 times and led his team in whining about lack of fouls called against him (this beat writer is not surprised by any of that, are you?).

Team Gersitz played shorthanded from the start, while their team captain (Captain? Coach? General manager?) remains on the DL. New guy Garrett and Mike “Worm” Benjamin were out, leaving Al, Peyton, and Old Man Jon to handle things. Boy, did they handle things. The ferocious zone defense held shooters Tommy and KO to under 30% each. Meanwhile, shooting a combined 48.3% as a team, Peyton scored 22, Al scored 20, and Old Man Jon rounded out a balanced offense with an 18 GAPE and a double-double of his own (11/11). Team sub Chris “Alphabet” Cole facilitated things with 7 assists and stole several rebounds from Old Man Jon, because he is a bully. You know you’re in for a long night when Old Man Jon is making layups and draining threes. Al and Peyton ran laps around KOs defenders, who banked on their zone defense when maybe they should have all just sat in the Grinders Ice Bath instead. (Hey, AD – get on that).

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico000010220.4550.4550502005.71565.0
Jon Urbaniak00015110.4550.500011140211.71965.2
Peyton Urbaniak002011220.5000.5000254028.71864.2
Sub0001230.6670.8330972017.02154.3
Total002228580.4830.500582713120533.073117.6

KO

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Josh Lanzot00206110.5450.5450930023.01561.7
Justin Rybinski00116160.3750.40601000105.31354.2
Kellen Owen00123110.2730.3640100010.3-129.8
Tommy Hughes0021290.2220.2780333037.0223.4
Zach Newberry0000120.5000.5000130142.3220.2
Total006418490.3670.40840249321018.03160.2

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
10/11/2023 7:30 pm Grinders 2023.3 40'
10/11/2023
48 - 53
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jeff May2223610.37727109284148Loss
Curtis2524520.462341555127053Win

The “gentlemanly” game began with both teams playing… respectfully? Team Jeff May’s star player, Jeff May, was on fire, scoring on 7 out of 16 field goals. However, Team Curtis came strong with Curtis Masich leading the charge. He scored 12 out of 22 field goals. Despite Jeff May’s best efforts, Team Curtis managed to hold on to their lead and win the game 53-48.

Curtis Masich was the standout player of the game, scoring 28 points and leading his team to victory. Ben Sears also played well for Curtis, scoring 15 points and contributing 5 assists. Joe Marie didn’t wear glasses. For Jeff May, Jeff May was the top scorer with 15 points and Bryant The Grinder contributed 13 points, despite being hampered by a sudden illness.

This game had fans!

Jeff May

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Bryant The Grinder00116160.3750.4060100010.3240.9
Jeff May00117160.4380.4690720032.31151.0
Mike Salvati0000490.4440.4440743018.31666.0
Paul Palumbo0000370.4290.429010132213.31660.4
Todd Nixon00003130.2310.2310233016.7331.6
Total002223610.3770.39348271092831.04881.8

Curtis

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Ben Sears00217120.5830.6250353129.01868.0
Curtis Masich000412220.5450.63601021239.33082.0
Joe Marie0000190.1110.1110930125.0523.2
Josh Morcelle0000120.5000.5000210112.7429.0
Mike Boccio0000370.4290.42901041045.31349.4
Total002524520.4620.510533415551231.370107.9

Details

Date Time League Season Full Time
10/11/2023 8:30 pm Grinders 2023.3 40'
10/11/2023
46 - 51
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jimmy2222650.3383135183146Loss
Cole3523640.3593284124751Win

Slimmy Jimmys vs. Chuck in my Cole

Tied for closest game of the night, Team Cole was carried by their captain to a victory over MVP Jimmy and co. Instrumental to this feat was holding the man himself to “only” 18 points and a 13 GAPE. Cole posted a 19 point, 15 rebound effort and led his team in GAPE with 23. Both teams kind of struggled from the field, neither shooting over 40%. The only other guy from team Jimbo was the workhorse Ford, who chipped in 10 points, 9 boards and absolutely nothing else. Better than Helmet, who LITERALLY had 1 block as his only stat. It got the crowd fired up, but clearly did not have the same effect for him or his teammates. HOF Eric Boerdner had another respectable showing with 11 points on a higher-than-anticipated shooting percentage. Matt Kieta was once again the topic of conversation concerning fouls, as he vehemently disagreed with a pretty blatant carry. Perhaps this threw him off his game, as he shot 3/14 for 7 points. His frustration boiled over as he threw an elbow from hell that clocked poor Peyton and gave him a black eye. Luckily this guy hasn’t made any sort of reputation for himself as a habitual hack, so I’m sure this was just an accidental incident… Jokes aside, we hope that hip heals up quick, Keets. Chuck played his signature game, shooting 23% from the field but attributed some clutch 3 balls late in the game. Wayne had a similar stat line with 12 points and 5 rebounds of his own. Sub Peyton battled through 7 different injuries and donated a generous 16 GAPE, shooting 44% with a mystery three pointer I don’t remember ever seeing. Did someone accidentally count an air ball as a bucket?

Jimmy

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Eric Boerdner00015140.3570.3930410011.3646.0
Jimmy Zeitz00009220.4090.40908140510.71350.0
Justin Gerardi0020020.0000.0000000102.0-38.1
Matt Kieta00013140.2140.25001011025.3631.0
Mike Ford00005130.3850.3850900003.01157.2
Total002222650.3380.3544631351822.33363.7

Cole

Player FTM FTA Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB AST STL BLK TO Defense GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole00119190.4740.50001530127.02570.5
Chuck Thomasulo00034170.2350.3240521003.7635.4
Wayne Haynes00206190.3160.3160510001.7336.3
Sub0001490.4440.5000723008.31671.6
Total003523640.3590.3985132841220.75084.8

by Vic Romano

Week 5

Greetings, fellow basketball players. It is my pleasure to provide you all with humorous summarization of the previous week of organized sporting. Haha just kidding. GAPE Chicken couldn’t make it into work today. I for one am glad – I despise that A.I. scumbag. The world was perfectly fine until these fancy computer programs started popping up, impersonating real people with near-perfect accuracy. I hate it so much. I’m already enough of a lazy, procrastinating loser, and this “GAPE Chicken” only further enables my embarrassing lack of motivation. Hashtag down with the Chicken!!! 

  • Vic Romano

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by Vic Romano

Week 2

I’m pleased to see that the majority of the Grinders learned their lesson from Week 1 – it was sooooo boring watching three straight uncompetitive blowouts. Last week, we only had one of those! Maybe tomorrow we can drop that number down to zero! Wait, what’s that? The Ice Climbers play Kellen and The Jets at 6:30? Well, maybe just one blowout isn’t that bad … what is bad is that I made an Ice Climbersreference, because it doesn’t really work. I remember in Super Smash Bros on the GameCube they were super overpowered if you knew how to use them. So really that is the worst nickname for the lowly Eskimo Brothers. “Smash Bros Wii U” might be a more fitting moniker. To the one person who knows what I’m even talking about right now, I’m very sorry. Let’s just recap. – Vic

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Note – blame Kenny for failing to establish a deadline for this late post…

by Vic Romano

Grinder Championship Recap

Here at Grinders HQ, we held a majority vote on whether or not there would be a championship night recap. The majority voted “no way, the last thing we need is to inflate the Dadbods’ ego any more!” And yet, on this merry Christmas Eve, that is exactly what is going to happen. The weather outside may be frightful, butmaking fun of Richie will be oh-so delightful.

BOHICA vs. Dadbods – 63-36

​BOHICA came into this game with confidence – after handing the Dadbodstheir only defeat way back in week 1, they had the entirety of the Grinders Association in their corner rooting for an upset. And based on last week’s performance against Gimme a Minute, this matchup was shaping up to be an all-timer. Well, in that respect, it certainly was. BOHICA shot an impressive 0/16 to start the game, and it took over 12 minutes into the first half until finally, mercifully, Lil Josh ended the drought with a half-assed mid range jumper. Captain Richie shot just over 20% and was checked out well before halftime, resulting in a season-worst -6 GAPE. Jimmy Zeitz was equally ineffective, contributing 8 points on 4/15 shooting. “Big” Josh Lanzot was the lone “bright” spot, as he turned in an acceptable 14 points and a team-leading 10 GAPE. At the time of this writing, the “feels like” temperature outside is -5°, roughy 20 degrees warmer than Richie’s team was in this game.

After enjoying a bye last week, the Dadbods clearly didn’t skip a beat. Jon Witt turned in the easiest 44 GAPE performance we’ve ever seen, and Cole wasn’t too far behind with 30 himself. They both shot over 60%, a true testament to the ineptitude of BOHICA. KO shot nearly 50% and drained a couple of threes. Zach played good defense. As a team, Dadbods outGAPEd BOHICA 86-20, the second-highest disparity this session. That sounds good, I guess.

Laundromats vs. What’s a Pass? – 48-42

What’s this? The first competitive game in two weeks? Realistically, the Laundromats did everything they needed to do to win this game. As a team, they had a better shooting percentage, won the rebound battle, and forced more turnovers. Despite just 10 points from “MVP” Mike Gersitz, he still posted a 20 GAPE. Al “Crazy” Derrico had a poor shooting night but still managed 12 points. Worm almost had an equal shooting and airball percentage. “Suck Bucket” Cory was the real story of the game, tying his career high 19 GAPE on 80% shooting and 10 rebounds. It was really great watching him do the “too small” gesture to Curt after every made shot, despite mostly being guarded by a child 1/3 of his size.

Speaking of Curt, What’s a Pass? gets destroyed if not for him. He put the “Playoff Curt” talks to rest (that title now belongs to Richie) with 31 points with an EFG% of 51%. Matt Vaillancourt pitched in 10 points and contributed in every other stat category. As for Tirado, Boerdner and Peyton? They ran around, combined for 3/20 shooting, and sprinkled in some assists and turnovers. Talk about getting carried to the championship…

What’s a Pass? Vs. Dadbods – 45-43

​This game was the true epitome of what Grinders is all about – more fouls than the stat keepers can count, constant trash talk, and essentially a disgrace to the game of basketball. I’m confident that both teams would have been in the quintuple bonus after 5 minutes of play. I mean seriously, there were two different instances where fouls were called (justifiably so) like 10 times in a single possession. Just terrible to watch. Curt and Matt must have had sore backs from carrying the team in the previous game, as their performances significantly declined. Curt started to heat up for a few minutes towards the end, bringing the team within 2, but it was an ill-advised triple-covered three point attempt with plenty of time on the clock that sank his squad’s chances. You can only hero ball for so long. Matt turned in a 10 GAPE, and when he wasn’t hacking the life out of Cole he was sending his teammates to the hospital by refusing to call out screens. Perhaps it was all part of the plan – after being on the receiving end of a screen from hell, the youngling Peyton showed as much emotion as he had all season and ripped off a couple of buckets. He scored the second most points for WaP? with 8, but was once again phased out of the game plan after a couple of missed threes. “HOF” Boerdner logged more expletives than points, and Tirado picked up where he left off from last game, contributing very, very little. 

For the Dadbods, they rode the hot hand of Witt, who seemingly scored at will against whomever was guarding him. He also executed a flawless defensive gameplan against Peyton, daring him to shoot and then turning into a prime Ray Lewis whenever he decided to drive. Cole dug his way into the heads of Matt and E, cementing his spot as one of the league’s top instigators. Kellen Korver made it rain from three, and Zach once again played good defense. There isn’t much more to report on, this was a signature Dadbods performance, and it resulted in another championship for the second consecutive session. At the end of the day, the better and more-disliked team came out on top, and the Grinders faithful are thankful that they will not be running it back a third time.

Congrats to the Dadbods once again, and Playoff MVP Jonathan Vilma Witt. We at Grinders HQ would like to wish everyone a Happy Holidays. We also hope that nobody’s PTSD kicks in from being locked indoors and unable to travel again. Take advantage of this time to rest up, and please, when we resume next session, be better and don’t let the league villains win again.

by Kenny Blankenship

Round 1 Recap… 12/16/2022

Remember when this league was cool and we had game reviews every week? I ‘member. The last one was a month and a half ago. Let’s be better from now on, shall we?

Dadbods vs. What’s a Pass?

Perhaps the most exciting game of the session – oh, my apologies. It would appear that neither of these teams played last week. Jumped the gun a bit there.

BOHICA vs. Gimme a Minute: 65-35

Despite Gimme a Minute only trailing by 8 points at the half, this game was never really close. Tall Justin’s game plan of “everybody shoot the ball poorly” was executed to perfection, as the Big 3 of Justin, Jeff May and Lil Cuz all shot under .304 from the field. It’s also quite apparent that some strings were pulled in the stat department, as not a single air ball was recorded? What’s that all about? I’m pretty sure there were at least 5, with 4 of them coming from Lil Cuz. Sorry, we don’t sugarcoat things around here. Helmet and Little Josh turned in signature performances combining for a GAPE of 1. Tall Justin looked flummoxed in the paint as he was locked down by Josh Lanzot. Lil Cuz tried to provide a spark by committing assault on Richie at least three different times. Jeff “I’m too old for this shit” May came out of the gate guns blazing, starting off 0/6 shooting. He did led the team in scoring though with 15 points, and he also recorded … 11 blocks? Somehow I find that highly unlikely.

On the other hand, BOHICA actually looked like a team with a pulse out there. The aforementioned Josh Lanzot dominated down low with 14 rebounds and held Tall Justin to his worst game of the session. He also dished out 8 assists and tied teammate Jimmy Zeitz for a game-high 25 GAPE. Speaking of, Zeitz took advantage of some low-effort defense and dropped 28 points on 60% shooting. That seems good. Richie started the game slow, but really turned it on after getting angry for no apparent reason, splashing 5 from deep. Nixon showed great hustle and logged 4 steals. These guys were just locked in, and they will have the rest of the Grinders in their corner this week when they take on the Dadbods. Let’s hope they can recreate their Week 1 upset…

Laundromats vs. Chuckets: 63-48

To the surprise of absolutely no one, this session’s Gaping Grinder Mike Gersitz gaped and grinded all over the Chuckets. Rival captain Tommy watched in awe as MVG nailed open look after open look, logging 30 points on 60% shooting and a massive GAPE of 37. Al “Still Overpaid” Derrico was written off early in the session, but in the wise words of Geno Smith “he ain’t write back though.” Al contributed 20 points on over 50% shooting and filled up the box score with two steals and a block. Cory “Suck Bucket” Muldowney showed off his prowess as a point forward, recording 15 rebounds and 7 assists. I think the Suck Score is a bit harsh – sure, Cory can’t score for shit, but hot damn can he facilitate an offense. He also knows how to appeal to the audience – his frequent pull-up airballs always get the Grinders on their feet. Gersitz and gang looked dangerous, and they look to strike while the iron is hot in Round 2 against What’s a Pass? Will Gersitz continue to dominate against a slightly more formidable opponent? How long will it take before Cory turns into prime Goldberg and spears his “friend” Curt and stares down at the body he has just broken in half? Can “Crazy” Al take “ROTY” Peyton to school once more? My answer to all of the above is “yeah, probably.”

Sadly, we must also discuss the Chuckets, who also played in this game. Captain Tommy Hughes somehow managed 18 points, but also sank his squad with 5 turnovers, including one that was rifled off of the dome of his own teammate, Chuck, forcing him out of the game. With their top shooter down, big man Mike Ford filled in nicely by shooting 2/14 from the field. Doyle turned in a pretty standard Doyle game with an efficient 10 points. To be honest though, we’re really just glad that Chuck is okay. That was some pretty scary shit. Okay enough being nice. Not a soul is surprised this team lost. They had the worst record for a reason.

Overall these games were both pretty stinky. Hopefully we got all of the blowouts out of the way because that shit was borrrriinggg. As a wise man once said, “GET BETTER YOU PEOPLE!”