Recap

Last week’s prime time event was more abortion than an actual basketball game.

Starting with GARRETT, Al Derrico demonstrated that even the most consistent players can hit new lows, proudly maintaining a 0.261 FG% and -1 GAPE. Garrett Beesing, though, tried to keep the ship afloat with his 16 points, perhaps as confused about his 0.389 FG% as everyone else was. Josh Lanzot’s 0.385 FG%, 13 rebounds – and Mike Salvati’s impressive 0.000 FG% (an apparent aversion to making baskets) left us all wondering if they had even remembered to tie their shoes. Paul Palumbo’s 0.200 FG% rounded out the effort with a performance that was as inspiring as a limp… balloon.

As for team He Hate Me, Chris Cole led with a solid 13 points, barely managing to keep his head above the statistical swamp with a 0.462 FG%. Josh Morcelle must have mistaken the basketball court for a minefield, or just remembered he was Josh Morcelle – with his 0.154 FG%, and Wayne Haynes, perhaps inspired by the art of throwing bricks, shot a 0.280 FG%. Sub’s heart was clearly in it, showing just enough competence to claim a 0.167 FG%.

In the end, Beesing’s squad was just too much and got the W. It wasn’t so much a game as it was a masterclass in how not to play basketball. The score was like 4-3 after 15 minutes. Both teams showcased a level of ineptitude that left everyone who watched wishing they had BEEN an abortion so they didn’t need to see that trash.