Here at Grinders HQ, we held a majority vote on whether or not there would be a championship night recap. The majority voted “no way, the last thing we need is to inflate the Dadbods’ ego any more!” And yet, on this merry Christmas Eve, that is exactly what is going to happen. The weather outside may be frightful, butmaking fun of Richie will be oh-so delightful.
BOHICA vs. Dadbods – 63-36
BOHICA came into this game with confidence – after handing the Dadbodstheir only defeat way back in week 1, they had the entirety of the Grinders Association in their corner rooting for an upset. And based on last week’s performance against Gimme a Minute, this matchup was shaping up to be an all-timer. Well, in that respect, it certainly was. BOHICA shot an impressive 0/16 to start the game, and it took over 12 minutes into the first half until finally, mercifully, Lil Josh ended the drought with a half-assed mid range jumper. Captain Richie shot just over 20% and was checked out well before halftime, resulting in a season-worst -6 GAPE. Jimmy Zeitz was equally ineffective, contributing 8 points on 4/15 shooting. “Big” Josh Lanzot was the lone “bright” spot, as he turned in an acceptable 14 points and a team-leading 10 GAPE. At the time of this writing, the “feels like” temperature outside is -5°, roughy 20 degrees warmer than Richie’s team was in this game.
After enjoying a bye last week, the Dadbods clearly didn’t skip a beat. Jon Witt turned in the easiest 44 GAPE performance we’ve ever seen, and Cole wasn’t too far behind with 30 himself. They both shot over 60%, a true testament to the ineptitude of BOHICA. KO shot nearly 50% and drained a couple of threes. Zach played good defense. As a team, Dadbods outGAPEd BOHICA 86-20, the second-highest disparity this session. That sounds good, I guess.
Laundromats vs. What’s a Pass? – 48-42
What’s this? The first competitive game in two weeks? Realistically, the Laundromats did everything they needed to do to win this game. As a team, they had a better shooting percentage, won the rebound battle, and forced more turnovers. Despite just 10 points from “MVP” Mike Gersitz, he still posted a 20 GAPE. Al “Crazy” Derrico had a poor shooting night but still managed 12 points. Worm almost had an equal shooting and airball percentage. “Suck Bucket” Cory was the real story of the game, tying his career high 19 GAPE on 80% shooting and 10 rebounds. It was really great watching him do the “too small” gesture to Curt after every made shot, despite mostly being guarded by a child 1/3 of his size.
Speaking of Curt, What’s a Pass? gets destroyed if not for him. He put the “Playoff Curt” talks to rest (that title now belongs to Richie) with 31 points with an EFG% of 51%. Matt Vaillancourt pitched in 10 points and contributed in every other stat category. As for Tirado, Boerdner and Peyton? They ran around, combined for 3/20 shooting, and sprinkled in some assists and turnovers. Talk about getting carried to the championship…
What’s a Pass? Vs. Dadbods – 45-43
This game was the true epitome of what Grinders is all about – more fouls than the stat keepers can count, constant trash talk, and essentially a disgrace to the game of basketball. I’m confident that both teams would have been in the quintuple bonus after 5 minutes of play. I mean seriously, there were two different instances where fouls were called (justifiably so) like 10 times in a single possession. Just terrible to watch. Curt and Matt must have had sore backs from carrying the team in the previous game, as their performances significantly declined. Curt started to heat up for a few minutes towards the end, bringing the team within 2, but it was an ill-advised triple-covered three point attempt with plenty of time on the clock that sank his squad’s chances. You can only hero ball for so long. Matt turned in a 10 GAPE, and when he wasn’t hacking the life out of Cole he was sending his teammates to the hospital by refusing to call out screens. Perhaps it was all part of the plan – after being on the receiving end of a screen from hell, the youngling Peyton showed as much emotion as he had all season and ripped off a couple of buckets. He scored the second most points for WaP? with 8, but was once again phased out of the game plan after a couple of missed threes. “HOF” Boerdner logged more expletives than points, and Tirado picked up where he left off from last game, contributing very, very little.
For the Dadbods, they rode the hot hand of Witt, who seemingly scored at will against whomever was guarding him. He also executed a flawless defensive gameplan against Peyton, daring him to shoot and then turning into a prime Ray Lewis whenever he decided to drive. Cole dug his way into the heads of Matt and E, cementing his spot as one of the league’s top instigators. Kellen Korver made it rain from three, and Zach once again played good defense. There isn’t much more to report on, this was a signature Dadbods performance, and it resulted in another championship for the second consecutive session. At the end of the day, the better and more-disliked team came out on top, and the Grinders faithful are thankful that they will not be running it back a third time.
Congrats to the Dadbods once again, and Playoff MVP Jonathan Vilma Witt. We at Grinders HQ would like to wish everyone a Happy Holidays. We also hope that nobody’s PTSD kicks in from being locked indoors and unable to travel again. Take advantage of this time to rest up, and please, when we resume next session, be better and don’t let the league villains win again.