Bryant The Grinder made it through the entirety of the basketball game, sans vomit. Well done new guy. Speaking of Bryant, the scorers table was left awestruck at how uninhibited he was to fire up shots as soon as he touched the ball. Even Curtis “Mr. WAP” was offended by all those shots. Eventually, after being shamed by the scorers table, Bryant did pass the rock. 0 assists, 28/8 for a GAP of 12. You do the math. Salvati was allowed to shoot 18 times in garbage time, which there was plenty of. Paul Palumbo had a 27 GAPE – continuing his searing start to this Grinders season. He will be 1st team All-Grinder if he keeps this up. Some goonfish subbed.

Team Jimmy-less struggled. That HOF’er Boerdner improved from his previous game – and contributed negative 3 GAPE in this one. Helmet? 4 air balls (in a row nonetheless), negative 4 GAPE. This team’s sub shot under 16%. Mike Ford had all 14 of his team’s GAPE. What a guy. This game was a blowout from the start.

New Baby Daddy Jon Tirado made his untriumhpant return to Grinders in this matchup that pitted Chris Cole against defacto captain Old Man Jon.

For Cole, “Hall Of Fame” Eric Boerdner subbed for Richie and Chuck, and porked up a suck of fame-like 1-11, and contributed a negative 6 (!) GAPE. Tirado didn’t miss a beat hitting 2 threes… while contributing a 2 GAPE. Like he never missed any games! Captain Cole had a respectable performance, with a 15/16/4 split. Cole’s biggest blunder was not in fact his blatant travel violation, but his offensive strategy against the undersized, older Old Man Jon unit who played man defense. Wayne “Freight Train” Haynes was having his way down low against OMJ, but was just ghosted the remainder of the game by his teammates. Or… maybe it was the knee to the dick that slowed him down, we’ll probably never know. This beat writer blames Cole for his poor quality strategy.

As for Old Man Jon, besides the brilliant defensive strategy that held down the rival team to a paltry 29.8 FG%, continued out-performing his contract, and team responsibilities, by hitting for 4/10 from the field with (another) 3 this week. Garrett Beesing, who not coincidentally represents the Polish, wore his Vaillancourt +5 Jersey of Non-suckness. Earning player of the game for OMJ, Garrett snagged 14 boards and scored 10 for 17 GAPE. Crazy Al and Peyton rounded out a well-balanced attack that gave Cole and his squad of goonfish fits. Zone? Fine – all of OMJ can and did hit the open jumpers. Man? “The Child, Please”.

Post game there were a couple of old guys grumbling about how loud or quiet the calls on the floor were, or something. Oh and Old Man Jon was grumbling about Millennials and their inability to call when they are fouled. Typical millennials – always gimme gimme gimme. Never do anything for themselves. Sack up younglings! Call it when you get fouled instead of crying about the offender not calling it – like you are Baby Tirado or something.

The reigning champs dropped their second straight game of the season, despite some solid efforts from the three starters. Lanzot, Tommy, and Tall Justin all had GAPEs between 14-18. Normally that would be good enough for the win. Let’s be honest, this team used to be good when they used their big men down low. Not the case this week – as Tommy wanted to show Curtis he could shoot almost as much as him.

Not when you can’t defend the WAP! Curtis put in 30/10 and even whined his way to 4 assists. Ben Sears continued to be a force offensively and on the boards, 17/11/6. Defensive Sorcerer Mike Boccio shot 37.5% (eff yeah Boccio) and had 5 steals. Little Josh finished up with 8 GAPE on an all-around mediocre performance. Better than expected for a $1 guy though – keep it up, friend!