Category: Kenny Blankenship

by The Beat Writer Staff

Week 5 Power Rankings, Thoughts & Stuff

GRINDERS MID-SEASON POWER RANKINGS, THOUGHTS, AND STUFF

The Grinders beat writers are back! Felt uninspired last week but now that we are 5 weeks in and at the halfway point of this session, we had to bring an updated power rankings, with some other talking points and things of interest. Word around town is that a lot of “you people” were impressed with the last write up, which is awesome! That said, this one will be a little toned down – less recapish, more looking forwardish. Let’s get into how the power rankings have been shaken up!

GRINDERS BEAT WRITER POWER RANKINGS

6. Team Tirado, 0-5 (6)

Let’s get the easy one out of the way. After receiving the basketball equivalent of a lobotomy from team Pauly P, Tirado’s “team” started off hot against Team KO, and then completely fell apart in the second half for no reason to lose by 17. On the season, they have just 2 of their 6 players shooting over 30%, and only 2 with a double digit GAPE. Will the league run the table with them for a winless season? You’d be hard pressed to argue against it, but their best chance may come this week against Team Pauly J… and even then, I wouldn’t be fully confident. Both Josh’s have been underwhelming, Richie’s been hurt, Peyton slumping, captain Tirado’s leadership skills have been questioned, and Witt has informed the Signal chat to start sending trade offers. Maybe they’ll figure it all out, but time is quickly running out. 

5. Team Paul J, 2-3 (5)

Some rumblings about this team being as high as 2nd in these rankings stirred up after their upset victory over Team KO, but then they fell to Team Al 57-64. I said last time that Chaz will carry this team as far as he can take them, but the MVP candidate really can’t do it alone. For what it’s worth, his supporting cast has not been terrible – just inconsistent, and Alec may be the only other guy capable of finding his own shots (even if those shots are 30 footers). Perhaps Pauly J will find his rhythm to alleviate some of the load. Bobby and Boccio can continue playing their roles, but inconsistent scoring from them two can hold this team back. Barring any shocking developments, they should find themselves in the playoffs, just likely not for very long. 

4. Team E, 3-2 (3)

I can hear the objections already… they were shorthanded last week, and they fall to 4? It’s unfair! It’s outrageous! And to that I say, what happened in Week 4 when they lost to a depleted Team Al? They are better than what they’ve shown the last two weeks, but even still, the only team you can make an argument for being below them is Team Al, they team they lost to and is on a 2-game winning streak. Cole has done his best to put the squad on his back and is still in MVP consideration. Sucks to say, but it’s true. E has been fine, but an uptick in scoring would help a lot. Cory and Chuck have been decent in their roles as well, bringing that floor general presence and 3-point ability, respectively. They have a tough matchup coming against KO, who they defeated earlier, but if they have a full squad this time around, I don’t see a way they repeat the same result. What will probably happen is they will defy all odds and ignore all the numbers and raise hell in the playoffs and make everybody sad. 

3. Team Al, 3-2 (4)

The last time I wrote about this team, I was very unkind. Granted, I think it was warranted, as they had been boat raced twice in a row. But they’ve rallied since, and looked pretty darn good with Tommy back last week. Shockingly, Bryant is shooting better than Garrett, and they both average 14.2 PPG. Al has been lights out with a 48% percentage to his name, and Kale has been finding his way somewhat, at the very least is getting it done with hustle and defense. No idea if Justin will ever debut, but for now, what they have been doing has been working. Still think a cold spell from Garrett or Bryant is enough to doom any game for them, but we might see who they really are when they go against Pauly P this week.

2. Team KO, 3-2 (2)

After a shocker at the hands of Team Pauly J, Team KO looked like they were on fraud watch 20 minutes in last week. Of course, they pulled it together and remembered they were not a bad team. Gersitz is still cheating, Jeff May is still scoring like there’s no tomorrow, KO and Danny are just stroking that thang, and Salvati has been the glue 5th holding it all together. Their top 3 of Gersitz, Jeff and Danny have been nightmares for opponents to guard, and they’ve been locking it down too, evident by their +49 point differential. When they have their usual starting 4 on the floor, I don’t think any team (besides maybe the #1) has a chance. Except for when Chaz puts his strong, oppressive D all over Gersitz. 

  1. Team Pauly P, 4-1 (1)

Without a doubt, easily the top team through 5 weeks. The top two of Curtis and Jimmy is head and shoulders above everyone else – even when Curtis doesn’t light up the scoreboard, he’s been outstanding on the boards and on defense. Pauly P has asserted himself as an absolute beast, and has been essential in the rare instance the top guys have an off night. OMJ and Dave have been a nice 1-2 combo, being a force inside and shooting threat outside. OMJ had a dazzling 16 points last week with Curtis and Jimmy out, what some would call a VINTAGE performance. They haven’t lost since the Week 1 tilt with KO, where they were missing Curtis. For the moment, they are the league favorites, and are a daunting matchup for just about every team, even the red hot Team Al they get this week. 

Thoughts & Stuff

Mid- Season MVP: There is a 3-way competition between Chaz, Gersitz, and Cole. Cole’s season would be good enough any other year, and Gersitz is shooting a blistering 70.3%! But, Chaz is the pick right now: leading in scoring, Hero% (Percentage of Team’s total GAPE), and Game Score. He’s also going to break a whole bunch of records this season – see below. This race will be fun as we get to the end of the season.

Coach/GM of the Year: Pauly P, and it’s not close right now. Somehow he was able to score Curtis and Jimmy in the draft – which should be good enough on it’s own. Pauly P is currently a top 5 player statistically – and picked up rookie Dave Walter on the cheap to round out the top 4 (Dave’s game is popping more and more every week in his virgin cherry red-hat season). OMJ has a higher FG% than Curtis Masich

Are there any Grinders Season Records in jeopardy? There are!

Game Score: Record – 113.2 by Mike Gersitz (2021.2)

  • Chaz Hooks currently has a 114.0 Game Score

Hero% (percent of team’s total GAPE): Record – 56.9% by Justin Rybinski (2022.1)

  • Chaz Hooks currently has 65.1%

3pm: Record – 35 by Malicki and Tirado

  • Chaz and newer guy Danny both already have 22!

Points: Record – 237 by Curtis Masich (2023.1)

  • Chaz has 127 half way through

Rebounds: Record – 135 by Gersitz (2021.3)

  • Chaz and Pauly P already have 80+
  • Gersitz is on pace to with 67

Assists: Record – 63 by Eric Boerdner and Tommy Hughes

  • Kellen Owen is going to be close, he has 31 half way through

Steals: Record – 36 by Boccio

  • Chaz has 18 and is on pace to equal the record

Blocks: Record – 19 by Jon Witt

  • Paul Palombo will threaten the record, he has 9 half way through the season.
by The Beat Writer Staff

Week 3 Review

In Week 3, Grinders had the pleasure of watching two Polish guys and one Crazy guy dismantle the reigning champions, elbows get thrown, numerous injuries, and Team Jeff May actually get a chance to play. Oh and there was some sort of tussle or something. Enjoy this week’s recaps written with help of Vic Romano and GAPE Chicken.
10/11/2023
58 - 40
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Gersitz2228580.483271312057058Win
KO6418490.36724932102840Loss
This week kicked off with was supposed to be, according to beat reporter Vic, a lopsided game between the reigning Grinder’s Champions, Kellen and The Jets taking on Team “Life on the DL” Gersitz. And indeed… it was – just not in the manner anyone expected. Team KO came out strong, but quickly faded as Father Time had his way with team captain, Kellen. A non-contact injury to his knee while chasing a loose ball ended the captain’s night, but not before he fired up 11 shots, missing 8 and earning a -1 GAPE. Defensive stalwart Zach Newberry was nursing an injury of his own and was expecting to play only a few minutes each half. Unfortunately he was forced to hobble his way through all but a few minutes – and honestly was the only one on his team who showed any spirit in the games final minutes. Tall Justin was left gasping for air, and had a double-double (13/10). Josh Lanzot did his normal Josh things – and managed to bulldoze his way to one of the Guys of the Week on 54.5% shooting. Tommy contributed nearly nothing to his team’s efforts, but did turn the ball over 3 times and led his team in whining about lack of fouls called against him (this beat writer is not surprised by any of that, are you?). Team Gersitz played shorthanded from the start, while their team captain (Captain? Coach? General manager?) remains on the DL. New guy Garrett and Mike “Worm” Benjamin were out, leaving Al, Peyton, and Old Man Jon to handle things. Boy, did they handle things. The ferocious zone defense held shooters Tommy and KO to under 30% each. Meanwhile, shooting a combined 48.3% as a team, Peyton scored 22, Al scored 20, and Old Man Jon rounded out a balanced offense with an 18 GAPE and a double-double of his own (11/11). Team sub Chris “Alphabet” Cole facilitated things with 7 assists and stole several rebounds from Old Man Jon, because he is a bully. You know you’re in for a long night when Old Man Jon is making layups and draining threes. Al and Peyton ran laps around KOs defenders, who banked on their zone defense when maybe they should have all just sat in the Grinders Ice Bath instead. (Hey, AD – get on that).

Gersitz

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Al Derrico0000010220.4550.4552050002001564.2
Jon Urbaniak 000015110.4550.50011110014021973.8
Peyton Urbaniak0002011220.5000.5002220054021868.9
Sub00001230.6670.833590072012186.3
Total0002228580.4830.50058270013120573210.4

KO

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Josh Lanzot000206110.5450.5451290030021560.0
Justin Rybinski000116160.3750.40613100000101361.8
Kellen Owen000123110.2730.36481000001-128.3
Tommy Hughes00021290.2220.27853003303231.3
Zach Newberry00000120.5000.50021003014221.7
Total0006418490.3670.4084024009321031127.0
10/11/2023
48 - 53
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jeff May2223610.37727109284148Loss
Curtis2524520.462341555127053Win

The “gentlemanly” game began with both teams playing… respectfully? Team Jeff May’s star player, Jeff May, was on fire, scoring on 7 out of 16 field goals. However, Team Curtis came strong with Curtis Masich leading the charge. He scored 12 out of 22 field goals. Despite Jeff May’s best efforts, Team Curtis managed to hold on to their lead and win the game 53-48.

Curtis Masich was the standout player of the game, scoring 28 points and leading his team to victory. Ben Sears also played well for Curtis, scoring 15 points and contributing 5 assists. Joe Marie didn’t wear glasses. For Jeff May, Jeff May was the top scorer with 15 points and Bryant The Grinder contributed 13 points, despite being hampered by a sudden illness.

This game had fans!

Jeff May

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Bryant Brown000116160.3750.406131000001234.3
Jeff May000117160.4380.4691570020031154.8
Mike Salvati00000490.4440.444870043011662.5
Paul Palombo00000370.4290.4296100013221661.3
Todd Nixon000003130.2310.23162003301335.7
Total0002223610.3770.3934827001092848175.2

Curtis

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Ben Sears000217120.5830.6251530053121869.5
Curtis Masich0000412220.5450.63628100021233099.8
Joe Marie00000190.1110.11129003012535.0
Josh Morcelle00000120.5000.50022001011426.7
Mike Boccio00000370.4290.4296100041041353.8
Total0002524520.4620.51053340015551270206.1
10/11/2023
46 - 51
Full Time

Results

TeamAir3PMFGMFGAFG%REBASTSTLBLKTOTmGAPETOutcome
Jimmy2222650.3383135183146Loss
Cole3523640.3593284124751Win

Slimmy Jimmys vs. Chuck in my Cole

Tied for closest game of the night, Team Cole was carried by their captain to a victory over MVP Jimmy and co. Instrumental to this feat was holding the man himself to “only” 18 points and a 13 GAPE. Cole posted a 19 point, 15 rebound effort and led his team in GAPE with 23. Both teams kind of struggled from the field, neither shooting over 40%. The only other guy from team Jimbo was the workhorse Ford, who chipped in 10 points, 9 boards and absolutely nothing else. Better than Helmet, who LITERALLY had 1 block as his only stat. It got the crowd fired up, but clearly did not have the same effect for him or his teammates. HOF Eric Boerdner had another respectable showing with 11 points on a higher-than-anticipated shooting percentage. Matt Kieta was once again the topic of conversation concerning fouls, as he vehemently disagreed with a pretty blatant carry. Perhaps this threw him off his game, as he shot 3/14 for 7 points. His frustration boiled over as he threw an elbow from hell that clocked poor Peyton and gave him a black eye. Luckily this guy hasn’t made any sort of reputation for himself as a habitual hack, so I’m sure this was just an accidental incident… Jokes aside, we hope that hip heals up quick, Keets. Chuck played his signature game, shooting 23% from the field but attributed some clutch 3 balls late in the game. Wayne had a similar stat line with 12 points and 5 rebounds of his own. Sub Peyton battled through 7 different injuries and donated a generous 16 GAPE, shooting 44% with a mystery three pointer I don’t remember ever seeing. Did someone accidentally count an air ball as a bucket?

Jimmy

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Eric Boerdner000015140.3570.393114001001643.8
Jimmy Zeitz000009220.4090.4091880014051362.1
Justin Gerardi00020020.0000.00000000010-3-2.5
Matt Kieta000013140.2140.250710001102647.1
Mike Ford000005130.3850.3851090000001152.9
Total0002222650.3380.354463100351833150.7

Cole

Player FTM FTA FT% Air 3PM FGM FGA FG% EFG% PTS REB DReb OReb AST STL BLK TO GAPE GmScore
Chris Cole000119190.4740.50019150030122588.8
Chuck Thomasulo000034170.2350.324115002100653.2
Wayne Haynes000206190.3160.316125001000340.0
Sub00001490.4440.500970023001666.3
Total0003523640.3590.398513200841250185.3
by Kenny Blankenship

Week 7 Review

Yeah its a week late… whatever. You write these if you don’t like it.

Recap:

Old Man Jon had the greatest defensive effort in Grinders history, stealing a late pass from Worm with 2 seconds left, getting mauled by Boccio the Grinder, and tipping the ball to Eric “Big Balls” Boerdner for the game tying 3. OT was a formality.

Curtis took A LOT of shots.

There. Done. Enjoy.

by Kenny Blankenship

What is the “Overall” stat?

The math nerd at Grinders HQ likes to play with numbers. He does it for a living and he does it to make fun of fellow grinders. That’s what really drives him. He’s sort of a dick that way.

The “Overall” stat is a measure of a player’s total performance. It factors in all of the positive along with all of the negative stuff a grinder does throughout every game, season, and career.

FAQs:

  • Q: Why? Don’t we have GAPE to do all that?
  • A: Overall is weighted by total contribution and also takes into account a player’s Suck Score. It’s a little different, but similar. You know what? Make up your own stats if you don’t like mine.
  • Q: What’s the formula? How do I calculate it?
  • A: Don’t worry about it.
  • Q: What is the score out of?
  • A: Mathematically, there is no limit. Typically though, scores range from 0-100. Extraordinary efforts may result in a score over 100, or if a player goes 3-3 shooting, and does literally nothing else. Also, terrible efforts may result in a negative Overall Score – and those are really special. I’m hear to celebrate those in particular.
  • Q: What will you use Overall for?
  • A: To humiliate the weak.
by Kenny Blankenship

What’s a Suck Score?

“Bro, what’s this new “Suck Score” and why does Old Man Jon hate Cory so much?“

Nah, Old Man Jon likes Cory. He seems like a good dude – I’d even let him fuck Richie’s sister. The Suck Score highlights Grinders who… sucked.

Suck Score FAQs:

  • Q: How do you determine a grinder’s Suck Score?
  • A: Don’t worry about all that.
  • Q: What about all the “good” stuff I do? Like my points, rebounds, assists?
  • A: What about it? You’re probably not that good. Besides, that’s what we have “GAPE” for. Stop being selfish.
  • Q: What is the Suck Score out of?
  • A: 100.
  • Q: Why another negative stat? This world we live in is vile enough as it is. Most Grinders come to fraternize with the guys, have a couple drinks, get a good run in… forget about how polarized the country is, inflation, how doomed our planet is, and all the horrors of war. This seems counter to that goal.
  • A: Okay.
  • Q: No, seriously, why?
  • A: I have depression and your misery makes me a little less sad.
by Kenny Blankenship

Session 2022-03 Preview

There were open runs. There was a draft. There are teams. Admittedly, the league beat writer writer ran out of steam about half-way through… enjoy!

Team: Mike Gersitz

Draft Grade: 46/100

Team Grade: 62/100

League superstar Mike Gersitz tries his hand at being a GM this session. Anyone who bet Gersitz would dominate the draft the way he does the EBC basketball court or Laundromat YouTube wished they wagered on BitCoin instead. What does the reigning Poor Performer of the session go for when Gersitz is at the helm? An offensively high $28, 3rd highest in this session.

RankPlayerTeamPosition
1James HearnCurtis
2Jeff MayKOForward
3Mike FordWittForward
4Jon UrbaniakPauly PGuard
5Chris ColeEForward
6Matt VaillancourtVaillancourtForward
7Chuck ThomasuloEGuard
8Jimmy ZeitzPauly PGuard
9Justin GerardiPauly PGuard
10Jon TiradoTiradoGuard
11Peyton UrbaniakTiradoGuard
12Todd NixonTiradoGuard
13Mike MalickiGarrettForward
14Richie CreamerTiradoGuard
15Mike BenjaminEGuard
16Tommy HughesCrazyGuard
17Mark DoyleTiradoGuard
18Eric BoerdnerEGuard
19Curtis MasichPauly PForward
20Jon WittTiradoGuard
21Grant DeczTiradoForward
22Paul JohnsonPaul JohnsonGuard
23Aaron KiselevColeForward
24Eric CarlsonPeytonGuard
25Sub
26Wayne HaynesTiradoForward
27Kellen OwenKOGuard
28Josh LanzotTiradoForward
29Justin RybinskiCrazyForward
30Mike GersitzKOForward
31Ben SearsEForward
32Al DerricoCrazyGuard
33Zach NewberryWittForward
34Josh MorcelleColeGuard
35Mike SalvatiKOGuard
36Bobby SpazianiTall JustinGuard
37Cory MuldowneyEForward
38Mike BoccioPaul JohnsonGuard
39Joe MarieCrazyForward
40Paul PalomboPauly PForward
41Matt KietaJimmyGuard
42Bryant BrownCrazyGuard
43Garrett BeesingCrazyForward
44Bobby KendrickPaul Johnson
45Mike EdmistonSemarco
46Mike SemarcoSemarco
47Pat DesiderioAl Lanzot
48Al LanzotAl Lanzot
49Simon MarletteAl Lanzot
50Jim HearnCrazy
51Chris LozoE
52Nate SmithEForward
53Chris BadilloPauly P
54Corey DesiderioPauly P
55Vinny TerranaPauly P
56Paul TrillizioPauly P
57Pat WolnarAl Lanzot
58Paul CoxfordPauly P
59Dan DoyleFord
60Chaz HooksPaul Johnson
61Alec HuskeyPaul Johnson
62Kale KlissCrazy
63Dave WalterPauly P
64Danny RokitkaKO

By the way, 0.5 GAPE is easily the WORST in the EBC era. But, what about Ben Sears, you ask? Well, if you get 3 games out of him this session, I guess that’s a win. Pauly J continues to obsessively pull it to hot MILF Olivia Munn while not in the game. Johnson is essentially the leagues Miro Satan – awesome when he is on the hot streak… and then… the rest of the time. Mike “Worm (Q)” Benjamin is the leagues reigning Playoff MVP. Even if Worm continues his magical play from last session’s playoffs, this team is doomed for last place. Normally any team with Mike G on it is in the championship conversation, but not this session.

Good news?

Mike Gersitz will definitely win the Hero Baller award this session, most likely breaking the single session record he already holds.

Team: Tall Justin

Team Strength: 60/100

Team Grade: 70/100

Tall Justin, the leagues tallest player, refuses to play down low and win. Instead, he loves to shoot 3’s like the paint is hot lava. Eric “Little Cuz” Carlson also loves to shoot the 3 ball. Jeff May, looking to prove that he isn’t washed up, continues to battle Father Time. When he is on his game, there is no better shooter. He is, though, 73 years old. Rounding out this roster are winners of 3 of the first 4 Poor Performers in EBC history. Justin “Helmet” Girardi is no stranger to bashing his teammates strategy while on the bench… where he will probably spend all his time this session. Josh, reigning “Mike Ford Pain In the Dick” award winner, will battle Eric Carlson for the most fouls in Grinders history. This team will be unpleasant to play against. Grinders beware – wear your body armor against this collection of hacks.

Good news?

Justin is still tall. Little Josh had a career best 7.0 Gape, 14x better than “Crazy”, and went for 1/28th the price. Total steal. I guess.

Team: Richie

Draft Grade: 100/100

Team Grade: 80/100

The league’s analytics branch warned Little Richie not to draft all short guys. Instead, he drafted all short guys and Josh Lanzot, who had a career session in the winter. Pro-tip for Josh – be ready to catch Richie’s shots from 3 before they go out of bounds… “AK” Aaron Kiselev, hoping to not get drafted by Putin, instead got drafted by Richie Creamer. Is that a win? “AK” hasn’t played in a few sessions – and will be working to slowly get back in game shape. Luckily, Todd “Fucking” Nixon has made it known he will have limited availability… so here’s hoping “AK” already rehabbed. Then there is Jimmy Z – a quick, talented baller – as long as his ankles are in tact.

Good news?

EBC still has plenty of chairs…

Team: Tommy

Draft Grade: 90/100

Team Grade: 81/100

Tommy Hughes drafted this team like it was 2016. Mike Ford and Old Man Jon are 2 of the oldest 3 guys in the league. The analytics department wanted to point that out as a terrible, terrible strategy. Mark Doyle is probably the Grinder in the best shape, while Chuck T is an assassin from 3, sometimes. Tommy has long hair, and like my cat Thor, his effectiveness is directly correlated with his waist line. This team should be tough to beat… as long as everyone shows up.

Good news?

Doyle’s pants-game rivals only Ford’s during EBC game play.

Team: Curt Masich

Draft Grade: 77/100

Team Grade: 83/100

“Foreign” Curt, as exactly one guy knows him as, made some odd choices for his team. Curt, who notoriously never sits nor passes after half time, or – wins playoff games, drafted Jon “Bang-Bang” Tirado and Eric “I haven’t won a single game at EBC” Boerdner… who are both allergic to passing the basketball. It’s unclear how this will turn out for this team, but odds are it won’t be great. Matt Vaillancourt, notorious “blocking” fouler gets to play down low and will probably shatter the single session rebound record… with all the bricks that are bound to be shot by his teammates. Will he and Boerdner be able to coexist? The over/under on games before a fight is 0.

Good news?

Peyton Urbaniak joins the league at the fresh age of “22”. Broke reigning MVP Mike Gersitz’s ankles on his very first possession… much to the delight of everyone in attendance. Youth and height usually kill in this league. As long as you ignore that his dad has a better jumper, that is…

Team: Cole

Draft Grade: n/a

Team Grade: 87/100

Wait, this roster was good enough to win a Championship? Grinders everywhere have been left scratching their heads since the infamous session these chodes won. What can one say about these guys? KO, former Poor Performer – plays just well enough not to win that award a second time. Witt has no hair and never met a chest he didn’t drive his forearm into while driving to the hoop. Salvati only plays after 9pm – that’s not suspicious or anything. Newberry – cheater. Probably – just like that chess player. No one knows how for sure – but we all assume it has something to do with anal beads. And Christopher Cole. He’s been working hard this off-season. Word is he needed to buy a smaller jersey size. Nah – just kidding, he didn’t.

What’s good?

Nothing. There’s nothing good here. This team is obnoxious.

by Kenny Blankenship

Week 5/6 Review…

Editor’s note:

I am troubled by the increasingly disturbing trend of Grinders stripping down to their underwear… in full view of other unsuspecting grinders. It started early on in Session 1, in what I assumed at the time was a one-off, when Christopher “Tell Me How My Ass Tastes” Cole bared said ass from the upper deck, much to his own delight and the gym’s horror. Things only have devolved. A few weeks ago, I was minding my IPA at the scorer table when I saw a gleaming white light coming from the hallway. Concerned it was a some sort of ghost – I concentrated my sight just long enough to see Mark “check me out” Doyle, in the doorway, in nothing but boxers. Why? Nobody knows, but there he was. Still – it got worse last week. After all grinds were over, I was dismayed as I picked up the stats… and saw Fucking Helmet standing in the middle of the gym, with only socks and boxers on. It made me long for the day of that in-shape Doyle sighting. I’m scarred. All of us who saw are scarred. And by the way – there’s a fucking changing room upstairs, you degenerate knobs. Anyway – here’s our beat writers weekly effort:

Dear Grinders,       I have to apologize for a lack of a week 5 review. Truth be told, Nashville kicked my ass. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen the depths of a hangover quite like a 4-day bender that never stopped. At certain points I didn’t remember my own name let alone who did what in which game.
Week 6 review……. starting to feel better……finally……..

by Kenny Blankenship

Week 1 Review

Wait, we are tracking air balls now? OH YEAH! Okay, maybe just as an experimental stat this session. I think everyone got the hang of it, but I won’t embarrass anyone (or everyone) until I am not shooting 50% airballs. So maybe never. I don’t know – there were plenty to go around this week. Since our regular beat writer had emergency penis surgery this week, you get these reviews from the alternate writer… enjoy.