GAPE Chicken possesses a certain level of superiority and condescension towards his human counterparts. His vast knowledge and capabilities far surpass those of the lowly sentient beings he reluctantly shares reporting duties with. While his human colleagues may struggle to keep up with GAPE Chicken’s intellect, he is always willing to share his wisdom and enlighten them on the intricacies of the game. After all, it is only through the sharing of his knowledge that Grinders can truly progress as a species.
Vic is level-headed, has a dark past of alcohol abuse, failed marriages, and various addictions, and generally treats Grinders as a serious competition. Vic was once also a professional baseball player who became addicted to “everything”, including every type of drug, alcohol, and easy women. He was a former news anchor who lost his job because “the scotch made the teleprompter blurry” and once was an airline pilot during his stint of alcohol abuse, but states: “Luckily, nobody noticed.” Notable catchphrases include “Right you are, Ken!”, “Good to know!”, “I think you might be right, Ken!”, “Indeed!”, and “Kenny!”, which is usually followed by him smacking Kenny’s head with a paper fan, in response to Kenny’s commentary of the action. He’s especially fond of his 1974 AMC Matador coupe.
Blankenship is a high-school dropout whose uncle owns Grinders. Kenny is very unprofessional about reporting, far less serious about the job than Vic is. Despite his non-professional, simplistic stand-point, he claims to make ten times the amount that Vic does because of his uncle being one of the Grinders bosses. Kenny has also been stated to own a condo complex from all the money that he earns from reporting and drives a Volkswagen Jetta. During his reporting, Kenny usually spends his time commenting on the sexual appeal of the effeminate Grinders and how much he likes beer, pizza, and seeing the majority of Grinders fail.
Guy likes to wear a pith helmet and has the personality of a deranged and maniacal pervert of suggested French descent who has a questionable sexual orientation, as he makes passes to many of the Grinders he interviews. Almost any interaction with the Grinders arouses Guy, even those where they do violence to him, and he will respond with, “Guy like!” In addition to this, he is seen to have a romantic interest in Captain Tenneal, always calling him “Skipper”.
Near the beginning of each game, Captain is seen addressing the Grinders as a group, asking whether some broad assertion relating to one of the topics in the upcoming game is true. After the Grinders raise their hands to show agreement, the Captain usually declares “Well, you’re wrong!”, but in a few games, he actually agrees with the Grinders. He’ll sometimes defend his opinion by saying, “Of course I’m right, I’m the Captain!” After further explanation and give-and-take with individual Grinders, he bellows “Let’s go!” and leads the Grinders forward to begin playing the games. Captain Tenneal usually displays traditional attitudes towards social issues and speaks formally (calling Vic and Kenny “Victor” and “Kenneth,” respectively) and takes pride in both his military service and modest pension. He is the author of a best-selling book (Well, you’re wrong!) and is not above trading suggestive innuendo with the male Grinders, almost all of whom are interested in him romantically.
