Author: Captain Tenneal

Near the beginning of each game, Captain is seen addressing the Grinders as a group, asking whether some broad assertion relating to one of the topics in the upcoming game is true. After the Grinders raise their hands to show agreement, the Captain usually declares “Well, you’re wrong!”, but in a few games, he actually agrees with the Grinders. He’ll sometimes defend his opinion by saying, “Of course I’m right, I’m the Captain!” After further explanation and give-and-take with individual Grinders, he bellows “Let’s go!” and leads the Grinders forward to begin playing the games. Captain Tenneal usually displays traditional attitudes towards social issues and speaks formally (calling Vic and Kenny “Victor” and “Kenneth,” respectively) and takes pride in both his military service and modest pension. He is the author of a best-selling book (Well, you’re wrong!) and is not above trading suggestive innuendo with the male Grinders, almost all of whom are interested in him romantically.

09/18/2024 by Captain Tenneal

Draft Review

Captain Tenneal

Welcome to a new season of Grinders basketball. To preview the season, us here at Grinders HQ would like to look at the strengths/weaknesses of each team as they came out of the draft. We will go in reverse alphabetical order just for fun.

Tall Justin: Bryant 13, KO 13, Richie 11, Worm 3, Zach 10

Pros:

– maybe the best group of guards in the league

– tall Justin is a problem when motivated

– Zach is a defensive gem, along with KO

– 3-ball is an option

– ball handling should be very good

Cons:

– go-to guy in the clutch?

– Bryant and Richie are soft on D

– Bryant/Richie/Justin can fill the X in the FG box real quick

Outlook:

– This team should reach the semis

Team PeyPey: OMJ 3, Grant 32, Ben 8, Chuck 7

Pros:

– they have the highest paid player in the league

Cons:

– no true point

– shooting could be an issue

– enough motor players?

– leadership?

Outlook:

– fighting for the right to make the play-in game

Team Gersitz: Ford 11, May 22, E 12, new new Bobby 5

Pros:

– Gersitz

– lots of guys to know how to play ball

– passing

– size

Cons:

– consistent effort

– curse of E

– attendance

– you drafted Ford

Outlook:

– This team on paper looks like an easy in to the semis and a possible Finals appearance.

Team Garrett: Pauly P 12, Bang Bang 4, Crazy 13, Lanzot 14, Salvati 7

Pros:

– solid all around, no major weak links

– lots of hustle

– should be competitive every game

Cons:

– shooting

– making the puzzle pieces fit

– leadership

– secondary scoring

Outlook:

– fighting to make the play-in game

Team AD: Witt 23, Corey 7, Pauly J. 9, Nixon 6

Pros:

– great scoring 1-2 punch

– athleticism

– tough physically

Cons:

– scoring outside of the top 2

– where does the offense get initiated?

– shot selection

– Math is hard for Curt

– drafted against Cole again (and got trounced…..again)

Outlook:

– play-in game or 4 seed

Team Cole: Tommy 17, Boccio 4, Wayne 26, Lil Josh 3

Pros:

– size

– ball handling

– decision making

– rebounding

Cons:

– weight

– shooting

– Who’s the man at crunch time?

– know your role

– attendance

Outlook:

– should be in the semis, battling to make the Finals

Good luck to everyone this year. We here at HQ hope everyone stays healthy, enjoys some great hoops, high attendance, and makes it to the bar……frequently.

01/22/202401/24/2024 by Captain Tenneal

Draft Review, season preview…….WWE Style

With all of the snow across WNY, we here at Grinders HQ have gone a little crazy…..like OMJ after a couple IPA’s (or mead these days).I’ve begun to notice some changes in the quality of Grinders basketball over the last few seasons. To be honest it looks more like good ‘ol fashioned wrastlin’ than b-ball these days. Keeping with that theme, we are doing Grinders comps not to the NBA as done in the past, but to professional wrestlers from all companies. Enjoy.

Team Crazy:

Crazy Al: Seth Rollins (SHIELD version) – Quiet, bearded, motors that go for freaking ever. Rollins is the Crossfit Jesus of the WWE. Crazy can run for freaking ever. Crazy is also more of a team guy than a stand-alone, which is why he’s SHIELD Rollins and not the Monday Night Messiah version.

Jeff May: Undertaker (American Bad Ass version) – One of the greats, but definitely long in the tooth. Though every time you think Jeff has one calf in the grave, he rises up for another season. Incredible.

Joe Marie: The Godfather – Both big, scary looking guys. I don’t know if Joe has ho’s, but I know I’m not going to cross him and end up in the pimp’s closet.

Todd Nixon: Daniel Bryan – Both tiny people that no one thought would ever win. Nixon had that great beard going for a while too. Everyone loves Nxon like everyone loves Bryan. Bryan won the title at Mania and the place went nuts. Everyone remembers the roof coming off of Eldridge when Nixon hit the 3 on Gersitz to win it. No one sat down the rest of the night. The hands went up and down like the “Yes” movement.

Garrett: Jack Swagger – Big, strong, fast, good jaws. Both talk a little stupid. Both have the potential to be much better than they already are……or losing championship matches in crushing fashion.

Team Boerdner:

E: Jinder Mahal – Both are arrogant and aloof. People generally don’t like them. Major villains. Also, do a side by side headshot. It’s uncanny. Lastly, where the hell do these two come from? Are they Floridian, Iranian, Egyptian, Italian? Make up your tanned minds.

Ford & Justin: The Natural Disasters, Earthquake and Typhoon – A lotta size and nothing to show for it. Soft in the head and soft in the middle.

Zach: The Miz – Both are typical divas who think that their accomplishments allow them to call the shots. Both get very bitchy when things don’t go their way. Both will absolutely break all the rules to win and are as underhanded as they come.

Ben: David Otunga – Strong, athletic bodies that could be sooooo much more. Both careers disappeared like Ben on game day.

Team Peyton:

Peyton: Riddle – Both do crazy ish on the court/in the ring. Both are young and up and coming. Both are athletic AF. Both say nothing. Comp could have been RVD if Pey-Pey ever opened his mouth.

Bryant: Kofi Kingston – They both have all the crazy moves in the ring and on the court.

Jimmy: Bret “the Hitman” Hart – The best there is. The best there was. The best there ever will be. Nuff said.

Worm: Ravishing Rick Rude – Handsome, pretty boys that couldn’t win the big one. Rude only made it to the Intercontinental Championship. Worm only has a mini-session ‘chip. I swear if Worm wears tights with Zach face on the crotch, it will be the most Alpha move of all time.

Tommy: Chris Jericho (AEW version) – Both used to be superstars, but are now in the twilight of their careers. Both run their mouths like crazy. Time has not been kind to either.

‘Lil Cuz: The Brooklyn Brawler – Neither guy has much talent. Both are better than jobbers. The Brooklyn Brawler meant to hurt you instead of wrestle you. Cuz means to hack you instead of play defense.

Team Pauly P:

Pauly P.: John Cena – Hustle. Loyalty. Respect. These adjectives scream Pauly P. While he may not have the titles like Cena, he is the reigning MVP.

Gersitz: Razor Ramon: Both big and athletic. At times, both look like they couldn’t give AF. Razor was good solo, but always needed a superstar to push him over the top.

Milicki: Kevin Nash – Biggest guys on the court. Could both be unstoppable at times. Injuries and age robbed both of longer, more dominant careers. Both susceptible to the “finger poke of doom”.

Salvati: Santino Marella – Both Italian. Both beloved by the crowds. Both are better side stories than main players. Salvati’s arms wide defense is very snake-like. Call it the “Cobra”? We’ll call it the “Constrictor”.

Helmet: Little Beaver – Both Native Americans who are also midgets. Look it up. Google is an amazing thing.

Team OMJ:

OMJ: Vince McMahon – Both keep the corporation alive. Both are better behind the scenes than in the ring. Nepotism?????? Nawwww. Never. Vindictive? OMJ? Couldn’t be. Who would change the rules, like Vince, just to screw somebody?

Curtis: Rusev – The Eastern block connection is undeniable. No one likes Rusev. No one likes Curt. Neither could win the “big one” in a league that mattered. Curt runs to Monday nights like Rusev/Miro ran to AEW.

Lanzot: Mable – They’re both big dudes and both can move better than you might think. No one wanted to be “splashed” by Mable just like no one wants the Lanzot shoulder.

‘Lil Josh: Doink the Clown – It fits. Go with it. Freaking clown shoes, both of ’em.

Boccio: Chad Gable – Both are shorter gents, pretty well put together. They both hustle and work their asses off to win, but ultimately fall short. Not going to be one of the top guys.

Team Cole:

Cole: Paul Heyman – the great wordsmith. Amazing on the mic, no one wants to listen but everyone tunes in. The one we all love to hate. The manager, looking for the next great champ to ride the coat tails to a title. From Brock to Roman, DadBods to Chuckin’ Champs but don’t forget the dud RVD or was that the Long Con.

Wayne: Ryback – FEED ME MORE!!!!!!!!!!! Who wants to get in front of or in the ring with either of these human refrigerators?

Richie: X-Pac – Both are under-sized and shitty. Both needed the bigger guys to lead them to titles. Anyone remember the 1,2,3 Kid? Yeah, me neither. Who’s X-Pac without Triple H and DX?

Tirado: Rey Mysterio – I think they’re both tiny people from the same island. Rey does some crazy, high-risk moves off the top rope which often leads to disaster, but sometimes, a title. It’s very similar to a Tirado 3 from the logo. Every once in a while it hits and changes the game. When it misses, everything breaks (floors, backboards, teammates, etc.).

Chuck: Mr Ass – Chuck is constantly talking about his glutes and how good they look. Mr. Ass always wiggled his, like Parkman in Major League. Chuck apparently does the same on the golf course. Mr. Ass was great as a tag-team partner, not so much alone. Chuck is the same. He needs DX……or at least a Road Dogg.

Free Agents:

Cory: Otis – Both are strong AF. Do a side by side comparison. It’s obvious.

Pauly J: Christian – Both are under-estimated athletically. Both are fairly quiet (for this league and in comparison to other ‘mic generals”).

Witt: CM Punk – Both have been champions. Both have been considered “the best” at some point in their careers. That was a loooooooooooong time ago. Punk was gone for 9 years? Does anyone remember the last time Witt played? He’s probably better at delivering “pipe bombs” now than an actual performance.

Kellen: Hornswoggle – The both don’t really do much anymore. They’re both kinda side attractions to the real show. Also, I mean, look at them both. They could be twins. Someone please get that man a shillelagh.

Doyle: Shamus – Both pale-skinned, bearded Irishmen who are very athletic and won’t back down from a challenge. Doyle has climbed the mountain top in the past, but it’s been awhile since he’s been relevant.

Captain Tenneal

12/21/202312/21/2023 by Captain Tenneal

‘Twas the Night Before Grinders 2023……..

It’s that time of year again folks. Enjoy!

”Well, you’re wrong!”

Captain Tenneal

'Twas the night before Grinders
And all through the halls
Not a sound could be heard
Not even an "Aaaaaaaaiiirrrrrr Baaaaaallllllll"

The stats were all posted 
On the website with care.
The sheets were stuffed full
Like Richie's sister, with her legs in the air.

We all bellied up
Snug to the bar,
About to say things that certainly, 
Might go too far.

Jimmy's team had visions of Rings
Running through their bald heads.
But that was all foiled
When Kieta took the shots, instead.

Mike Ford did what Mike Ford does.
He stepped on the court and played, 
"Just because."

First Ballot E.
He tried his best.
After the game he was heard,
"Why did Jimmy draft this mess?"

Helmet, poor Helmet.
He got a ton of rest.
Of course his team lost.
He's a fan of the Mets.

Speaking of losers,
There's team Jaff May.
We all watched them and asked,
"Can any of them play?"

There's Bryant the Grinder.
That guy doesn't pass it.
His best "dime" all session
Was the one to the closet.

Todd "Big Dixon"
Showed up for a week or two.
Bro, please attend Grinders.
What is it that you do, do?

Mike Salvati plays hard,
Of that there's no doubt.
When he doesn't get the ball.
You'll see a grown man pout.

Pauly Palumbo is a guy
That even I can't tease.
When he walks on the court
I just chant "MVP!"

Away to the bathroom
I flew like a flash.
I opened the stall
And sat on my ass.

Speaking of ass,
I think of Team K.O.
There's Tommy, Josh and Kellen,
All shaped like the letter O.

Soft as Charmin is coming so
Please don't foil it.
The only rim Tall Justin gets near
Is the one on the toilet.

We can't forget Zach
Who plays with a scowl.
This dude plays good D?
All he does is foul.

Speaking of foul,
Team Cole comes to mind.
They hack and eye rake you,
until you go blind.

So Cole is fat,
He flips and he flops.
That f'ers so fat
He can't even stop.

He whines and complains,
And bitches and moans.
He's so fat,
You can hear his waistband groan.

Talk about groaning,
We do when JT shoots.
Miss 10 in a row?
JT gives zero hoots.

On the topic of missing
This team looks to Chuck T.
He misses so badly,
We think “can he even see?”

Richie shows up now,
But his team doesn't care.
We all know his best work
Is done with a chair.

Wayne oh Wayne.
He's such a large mass.
He puts his layups
Right through the glass.

On the topic of glass
Team Curt we see through you.
Your team is soooooo bad.
How did your team finish number 2?

Curtis Masich just shoots.
He doesn't know how to dish.
If his team wants the ball
They call Make-A-Wish.

Ben is back.
He's showed up the most.
I thought he was a myth.
I thought he was a ghost.

Boccio keeps playing.
When he dribbles he falls.
Boccio should retire
And go back to football.

‘Lil Josh is on this team
But he really doesn't matter.
He's so minute (my-noot) I can't tell
If he's shorter - or fatter.

Joe Marie is a tough guy
When he lowers his shoulder.
He should be thrown out of the league
Before he gets bolder.

This leaves us with Gersitz
And “his” uninspiring crew.
One playoff game is all they have
Before their season is through.

Garrett's a new guy.
Let's make him sing a Christmas carol.
Dude you suck at basketball.
Go back to playing football with Darryl.

Mike Benjamin's weak
And so is his hamstring.
His only claim to fame
is a mini-season, half-a ring.

Old Man Jon done got hurt
So he might have to retire.
One more IPA or chicken finger
And his heart may expire.

His son Peyton
Wears a bandana - a real trend setter.
Unfortunately for him,
His Dad’s jumper is STILL better.

Crazy Al's a saavy vet.
At the bar he should stay.
Al's not great at basketball.
He's more of a Pele.

The buzzer had sounded.
It caused quite a clatter.
I ran into the gym 
To see what was the matter.

To what to my wandering eyes should appear
Grinders of old spreading holiday cheer.
There was Nate and PigPen and Poke there too.
Pauly J, Corey, and ‘Lil Cuz to name a few.

Lamson and Benson
Scotty Walters, and Swain
I can't think of many more.
My brain is in pain.

They sang and they laughed
And drank and didn't stop
That was until they watched
Witt flop and flop.

Vaillancourt from Baltimore
Streamed our games live.
I won't repeat what Richie said,
“Danielle's quite the..................she's 45.”

Who else is missing?
Who's dodging the bullet.
They're all scared unlike Curt's sister,
She really took it.

On Sandy and Chuck
And John with the stash.
You can pay with a card.
Better tip her in cash.

Where's Crandall and Schwegler?
Where's Panda and Lou?
Don't worry Psardellis
We didn't forget about you.

One week from championship Wednesday,
Never forget that game Cole wasn’t lippy,
He got torched for forty-seven,
Courtesy of one, Mike Malicki.

The excitement is there.
The playoffs are here.
Sit down and enjoy them.
Grab a cold beer.

While you watch and you trash talk,
Honor Grinders rule one, don't deny.
Merry Christmas to all
And BALL DON'T LIE!

P.S. Buzz’s girlfriend……….woof!

11/28/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Week 8 Review

Eff it, let’s get right into it…

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
11/15/2023	8:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


CurtisJeff May 11/15/2023 65 - 56 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Curtis	6	7	29	59	0.492	26	16	7	5	4	79	65	Win
Jeff May	2	4	26	73	0.356	32	11	3	2	8	47	56	Loss

6:30 If Only Curt Could Pass to Himself 65 vs Team Mayday Mayday 56

On paper this game looked like a miss-match. Then Mayday got special, double secret dispensation, to have none other than “Trim” Tommy Hughes and “Crazy Al” sub for their squad of lost boys. To counteract that move, Captain Curt took advantage of the sub list and called in Garrett “god’s” Blessing to sub. Who plays for who anymore? I don’t know.

All I can remember from 2-weeks ago is that this game was back and forth throughout most of it. Tommy and Curt went nose-to-nose, Garrett finally played well for a team he subbed for, Bryant recorded his first career Grinder assist, and Team Curt pulled away late.

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Curtis Masich	2	6	14	30	0.467	0.567	0	8	5	1	0	0	4.7	30	76.9
Josh Morcelle	2	0	3	5	0.600	0.600	0	4	4	1	0	0	3.3	11	44.3
Mike Boccio	0	0	1	7	0.143	0.143	0	8	5	2	1	2	8.7	10	32.2
Garrett Beesing	2	1	11	17	0.647	0.676	0	6	2	3	4	2	16.0	28	85.1
Sub	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.0	0	20.0
Total	6	7	29	59	0.492	0.551	65	26	16	7	5	4	32.7	79	122.5

Jeff May

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Bryant The Grinder	1	1	9	32	0.281	0.297	0	7	3	1	1	2	6.3	5	33.6
Mike Salvati	0	0	2	6	0.333	0.333	0	8	1	0	0	0	2.7	9	59.0
Al Derrico	1	0	9	22	0.409	0.409	0	6	0	0	0	2	2.0	8	48.0
Tommy Hughes	0	3	6	13	0.462	0.577	0	11	7	2	1	4	9.7	25	66.2
Total	2	4	26	73	0.356	0.384	56	32	11	3	2	8	20.7	47	79.5

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
11/15/2023	7:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


GersitzKO 11/15/2023 63 - 60 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Gersitz	2	5	29	62	0.468	36	18	1	7	12	78	63	Win
KO	6	2	29	76	0.382	31	10	8	2	2	56	60	Loss

7:30 Paper Champs 60 vs The Gersitz Six 63

Again, 2 weeks of memory loss. This game was back and forth early. Gersitz’s squad looked like they were going to blow out the reigning champs until a case of the turnovers took hold. The Champs got hot to pull it close. Hughes hit a prayer 3 to cut the deficit to 3. Someone turned the ball over (probably Garrett) with under 12 seconds left. In the scramble, no one could get free. Hughes launched one from the other side of the logo that missed. Game over.

Oh, Old Man Jon fell down, yelled things, threw the ball off of the wall, punched the floor, subbed himself out, and got even more angry when his Clapper didn’t work. Yelled at Tommy. Didn’t get memo Tommy was a big deal. Not that he should have needed a memo. That was exciting.

Gersitz

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Al Derrico	0	0	6	14	0.429	0.429	0	4	2	0	1	2	3.3	9	52.8
Garrett Beesing	0	1	4	10	0.400	0.450	0	10	6	0	3	5	9.3	17	50.3
Jon Urbaniak	0	0	1	4	0.250	0.250	0	1	1	0	0	1	0.3	0	20.0
Mike Benjamin	0	1	1	5	0.200	0.300	0	1	4	0	0	1	0.3	3	21.2
Mike Gersitz	2	2	12	18	0.667	0.722	0	13	2	1	3	2	12.3	35	94.1
Peyton Urbaniak	0	1	5	11	0.455	0.500	0	7	3	0	0	1	2.3	14	64.0
Total	2	5	29	62	0.468	0.508	63	36	18	1	7	12	28.0	78	117.5

KO

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Josh Lanzot	0	0	8	19	0.421	0.421	0	8	5	0	0	0	2.7	18	65.4
Justin Rybinski	4	0	11	27	0.407	0.407	0	13	0	1	1	1	8.3	16	53.5
Tommy Hughes	1	2	7	22	0.318	0.364	0	4	3	4	0	1	9.3	10	43.3
Zach Newberry	1	0	2	7	0.286	0.286	0	5	0	2	0	0	5.7	5	42.5
Sub	0	0	1	1	1.000	1.000	0	1	2	1	1	0	4.3	7	40.3
Total	6	2	29	76	0.382	0.395	60	31	10	8	2	2	30.3	56	91.7

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
11/15/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


ColeJimmy 11/15/2023 54 - 44 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Cole	3	4	25	63	0.397	42	13	5	0	16	57	54	Win
Jimmy	4	2	21	63	0.333	25	8	5	4	8	32	44	Loss

8:30 Jimmy Fredette’s 44 vs Chuck Your Couch 54

More foggy brain. Cole’s team had more subs than DiBella’s. Jimmy’s team rounded up the entire Urbaniak family to play. You figure it out. A pretty boring game from start to finish. Wayne and Cole were bullies. Jimmy tried to carry his team. E ventured into Richie territory with a -5 GAPE. Bla Bla Bla

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	1	1	8	17	0.471	0.500	0	13	5	3	7	10.3	21	57.0
Wayne Haynes	0	2	8	20	0.400	0.450	0	14	3	1	5	6.7	19	55.0
Al Derrico	1	0	5	16	0.313	0.313	0	9	2	1	0	5.0	10	45.3
Mike Benjamin	1	1	4	10	0.400	0.450	0	6	3	0	4	2.0	7	40.3
Total	3	4	25	63	0.397	0.429	54	42	13	5	16	24.0	57	88.7

Jimmy

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Eric Boerdner	1	1	4	20	0.200	0.225	0	2	3	0	0	2	0.7	-5	16.7
Jimmy Zeitz	2	0	10	28	0.357	0.357	0	7	1	4	1	1	12.3	12	47.5
Jon Urbaniak	0	0	1	4	0.250	0.250	0	5	3	1	0	1	3.7	7	27.0
Peyton Urbaniak	1	1	6	11	0.545	0.591	0	11	1	0	3	4	9.7	18	61.8
Total	4	2	21	63	0.333	0.349	44	25	8	5	4	8	26.3	32	61.3

You want stats, visit the site. Who cares.

10/03/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Week 1 Recap

Week 1 has come and gone, getting a new Grinders session underway. This beat writer was looking forward to the game-by-game previews that were supposed to come out, but alas………..

Details

Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
09/27/2023	6:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


JimmyCurtis 09/27/2023 58 - 56 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
Jimmy	3	2	28	69	0.406	36	19	9	4	9	67	58	Win
Curtis	5	4	26	69	0.377	37	10	5	3	12	50	56	Loss

The MVP vs the most heckled. Jimmy’s well-drafted, meticulously crafted team vs Curt’s “I’ll just throw $$$ at anyone and win” squad of hired goons. For that lopsided look at how they drafted, the game played out much closer than most prognosticators thought.

AD Curt was much more efficient on offense shooting 41% en route to a double-double and a game-high 24 points. This team was still looking for ball movement though. It seemed to be a little too much one pass and up offense….which plays right into Ben “Ghost” Sears’ hands. The “Human Hesi” was back in action after 17 different hiatus’. After showing strong in open run, Ben continued his quality play going 8/19 and chipping in 7 rebounds with 4 assists. Lil Josh found his shooting touch going 3/6, chipping in everywhere else, and having TRIPLE (6vs2) the GAPE of First Ballot HOF Boerdner. Well done Josh. Joe “Sweatsock” Marie was grinding down low most of the game, pounding the glass with a game high 16 boards. Joe also held down Mike “Go to Work” Ford to only 9 shots. Apparently the punch clock was busted.

Team MVP….I mean Team Jimmy looked just like you would expect. The team would defer to Jimmy and take what he created for them……all except new guy Matt “Foul?” Kieta. Kieta walked into the league like it was LA Fitness or something and jacked-up every shot he saw, much to the chagrin of some of his teammates. However, “Keets” did score 16 points on 35% shooting. Not too bad for your debut in Grinders. E looked like he was still heart-broken from last year’s finals going 6/19 and settling for mostly jump shots. Speaking of settling, Ford came back to Grinders from vacation or a work trip, and settled for 9 shots, allowing Jimmy to “go to work” for him. Ford did grab 12 boards and record 3 blocks. MVP Jimmy did “go to work” with a massively efficient triple-double, recording a 40 GAPE. Jimmy had a 24/11/11 stat line on only 18 shots. Gersitz eat your heart out. When Jimmy wasn’t creating for himself, he was getting open shots for his teammates off of the double-teams he created.

Some interesting game notes:
1. Dear Kieta. It is ok to call a foul on yourself. If someone calls a foul on you, don’t bitch about it. We watched. You hack.
2. A very interesting play call to have Joe Marie shoot the game winner instead of AD Curt. Must’ve been a hunch like Kukoc instead of Scottie…..except Kukoc made it.
3. It was great to see Lil Josh more aggressive and taking open shots.
4. Welcome back Ben. I hope it lasts…..honestly.

Jimmy

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Eric Boerdner	1	0	6	19	0.316	0.316	12	6	3	0	0	3	2.0	4	34.4
Jimmy Zeitz	0	2	11	18	0.611	0.667	24	11	11	5	0	4	13.7	40	94.5
Matt Kieta	0	0	8	23	0.348	0.348	16	7	2	3	1	2	10.3	12	48.0
Mike Ford	2	0	3	9	0.333	0.333	6	12	3	1	3	0	12.0	17	53.4
Total	3	2	28	69	0.406	0.420	58	36	19	9	4	9	38.0	73	108.8

Curtis

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Ben Sears	4	0	8	19	0.421	0.421	16	7	4	0	0	6	2.3	6	37.0
Curtis Masich	0	4	10	24	0.417	0.500	24	10	2	2	1	2	9.3	23	65.3
Joe Marie	0	0	5	20	0.250	0.250	10	16	3	2	1	1	11.3	16	44.6
Josh Morcelle	1	0	3	6	0.500	0.500	6	4	1	1	1	3	5.3	6	46.0
Total	5	4	26	69	0.377	0.406	56	37	10	5	3	12	28.3	51	82.4

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Date	Time	League	Season	Full Time
09/27/2023	7:30 pm	Grinders	2023.3	40'


KO Cole 09/27/2023 61 - 51 Full Time

Results

Team	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	TmGAPE	T	Outcome
KO	2	3	29	67	0.433	29	7	3	0	3	54	61	Win
Cole	2	9	21	67	0.313	36	10	1	2	5	43	51	Loss

The reigning, defending, undisputed champs come out of the shoot week 1 versus league villain Cole. KO was missing Lanzot and Newberry, and got Crazy Al to sub. C&D was missing Wayne and Richie and replaced them with 1st Ballot HOF Boerdner. Normally in a Cole v Hughes game the sideline can expect to see fireworks. This game, not so much.

Kellen and the rest of the Jets had a very effective offensive game plan. They used Tall Justin down on the block to get point blank looks. When he couldn’t get down there on his own, they screened for him to get into position. That my friends is some high level Grinders basketball. Tall Justin went for 25/9 on 52% shooting, and was the answer for every C&D run. Tantrumming Tommy was more like Triumphant Tommy. Mr. Hughes was extremely effective in scoring and running the Jets offense. He had a game high 26 points on 52% shooting to go along with a team high 11 rebounds. He used screens effectively to shoot 3’s and got out on the break for some easy buckets. Captain Kellen had a poor shooting game, but also directed the offense well, screened, and was a PITA on defense. Crazy Al was his usual athletic annoyance running around everywhere and getting to loose balls.

Chuck and Duck was missing 2 big parts of their team, but got HOF E to sub. The strategy of captain Cole to spread the court and take open jump shots failed miserably in its first game. Chuck “3 for $1” Thomasulo shot 2/16 and generally looked out of rhythm. He did however, harass Crazy Al all game, holding him to 3/8 shooting. “Bang Bang” Tirado was a little better, going 4/12for 11 points and adding in 9 rebounds. He also did a masterful job in locking Kellen down and holding him to a -4 GAPE. E gave a great effort defensively but was a little undersized guarding Justin. Maybe it affected his shooting (4/16 – 9 points) or maybe it was playing back-to-back. Either way E struggled but not for lack of effort. Everytime I looked Cole was bricking another layup like he was Lil Cuz. I have no idea how he had 25 points??? Cole did have a game high 33 GAPE and seemed to be the only consistency in the C&D offense.

Things from the game:
1. Tommy returned to MVPish form.
2. Tall Justin is a pain to stop when he’s not playing like Small Justin.
3. C&D was up 25-17 late in the first half. They got to 32 with like 11 minutes left in the game. Ouch
4. Rumors swirl that Cole was so furious with their performance that he made the team forfeit in Week 2.
5. When will we see Wayne? When will we see Richie? Is Triado’s child already taller?

KO

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Justin Rybinski	1	1	12	23	0.522	0.543	0	9	1	0	0	3.0	23	77.2
Kellen Owen	0	0	2	13	0.154	0.154	0	3	2	0	1	1.0	-3	18.4
Tommy Hughes	1	2	12	23	0.522	0.565	0	11	3	1	2	5.7	27	77.0
Sub	0	0	3	8	0.375	0.375	0	6	1	2	0	6.0	10	60.0
Total	2	3	29	67	0.433	0.455	61	29	7	3	3	15.7	57	98.7

Cole

Player	Air	3PM	FGM	FGA	FG%	EFG%	PTS	REB	AST	STL	BLK	TO	Defense	GAPE	GmScore
Chris Cole	0	3	11	23	0.478	0.543	0	17	4	0	2	1	9.7	35	85.0
Chuck Thomasulo	2	2	2	16	0.125	0.188	0	4	2	0	0	2	1.3	-6	9.0
Jon Tirado	0	3	4	12	0.333	0.458	0	9	1	0	0	1	3.0	12	50.5
Sub	0	1	4	16	0.250	0.281	0	6	3	1	0	1	4.0	6	35.4
Total	2	9	21	67	0.313	0.381	51	36	10	1	2	5	18.0	47	76.7

09/27/202309/27/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Draft Recap

To take ownership of your mistake means to admit and take responsibility for what you did wrong, without making excuses or blaming others. It is a mark of leadership, credibility and trust.

- Adults

Rumor has it the 2023 Fall Grinders draft was one for the ages. It’s already been referred to as the following:

The “Dazed and Confused: Draft

The “Rounders” Draft

The “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To” Draft

The “Sesame Street” Draft (for lack of addition/subtraction skills)

The “It’s. Not. Fair.” Draft

Soooooo many names. Sooooooo many characters. Sooooooo many “WTF” moments. Old Man Jon could be heard at the bar afterwards saying that it was the angriest and most uncomfortable draft he’s ever been a part of. Let’s go over the high and low lights……..

Crickets: Here are the silent moments.

Ford for $1, $2, $15………………………………. sold to Jimmy. Has Ford ever gone for that much? Never. Is he worth that much? Of course not. I think Jimmy is still wondering if he could have gotten him for around $8. I know the rest of the captains were looking at him in disbelief.

Tirado for $1………………………… sold to Cole. Now we all know Bang Bang loves to shoot and hates to pass. We all know Bang Bang gets lost on D. We all know Bang Bang is tiny. We all know Bang Bang is a mini-Vaillancourt when it comes to turning the ball over………..ok, maybe $1 with no raise was the right amount.

Hellraisers: Here’s where the bidding was fast and furious.

E for $24……….E was considered the “big prize” to be won by many in the draft. I don’t know if that’s due to his talent or a statement about this year’s draft class (think Mario Bennett). The bidding was back and forth and finished as a tug of war between MVP Jimmy and Fat Cole. As you would suspect, Jimmy won.

Wayne for $22……..No one knew what they were going to get out of Wayne. Would he be healthy? Hell, would he even show? He sure as hell went for a lot of $$$$ for a guy with a bunch of question marks. Most of the captains put in a bid or 2. Eventually Fat Cole beat out Can’t Count Curtis.

Bryant for $20?…….New guy Bryant garnered a lot of attention at the open runs. Bidding early was heavy from all sources. It flatlined a bit in the teens, but picked back up late, getting him out of the teens and onto Jeff May’s squad.

Honorable Mention(s):

Pey-Pey “The Child” Polish last name or something……. Didn’t go as high as some thought, but was fought over by multiple captains.

Todd “Freakin'” Nixon: Not for his value or the bidding on him, but congrats on being Jeff May’s franchise’s FIRST selection ever. You are Tim Couch. He also single-handedly ruined the AD’s night without even being there.

Ca$h Cou$in$ Tirado and Creamer have been reunited.

The Moments that Stuck Out:

League vet Tommy Hughes did nothing to help him drop the moniker of “Tantrumming Tommy”. Tommy wasn’t even drafting but made headlines with his “I’m taking my ball and I’m going home” attitude. As AD Curt was trying to bring in new, talented blood (JJ), Tommy balked and threatened to retire if his guys weren’t allowed in. Very LeBron-esque. It’s tough to stay at the top, but maybe not that tough when you always get your way……..

Jeff May leaving $$$$ on the table. An excuse could be made that it was Mr. May’s first draft. An excuse could be made that the draft happened too late and it was past his bedtime. It was a bit shocking to see the confusion on his face though at trying to draft a 5th player when that was not an option (Gersitz already had drafted the extra player). Something, something, “fucking idiots”. Mute button. Angry face. Leaves bar.

The crem-de-la-crem. The piece-de-resistance. The OMFG moment of this sessions draft belongs to none other than the AD himself, Curtis “Green Card” Masich. Masich was secretly plotting and saving money for his hated enemy Richie “Slider” Creamer. Cole was also saving draft capital for Creamer as well (not the only Creamer, Cole has spent $$$$ on…….). But what Curt failed to realize was that Cole had him out-gunned. Curtis thought that Nixon was on Cole’s team (see May’s team), altering the money he thought was available for Cole to bid. He also thought that he could just pick somebody up at the end of the draft (whoever was left) for $0. When Cole bid $22 on Creamer, Curtis tried going $23. When he was told he couldn’t and was explained that he needed money left for other players, boy oh boy. It was like someone cancelled Christmas. It got better when he realized if he bid $22 first for Richie, Cole couldn’t have done anything about it (max bid was $22). The AD then chanelled his inner 8 year-old and asked for a re-do. He stated it wasn’t fair and that Cole should give him Richie because he made a math and team error with Nixon. The meltdown was waaaaaaay more epic that this write-up does justice. If you want a good accounting, ask Kellen or Old Man Jon.

Winners and Losers:

Loser: Cole – Who spends $46/$50 on 2 dudes who won’t/can’t show up? Just stupid, plain and simple.

Loser: Curt – see above………still chuckling about Baby putting Baby in the corner of the bar.

Winners: Jimmy & Gersitz – Put together solid teams. Should give the champs a run for their money.

Winner: Team May – This team may win the Lady Bing of Grinders. A ton of good dudes on the squad.

Good luck to everyone, and until next draft………tootles.

01/31/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Week 3

By Captain Tenneal & Gape Chicken

Week 3 has come and gone. There were three games played, only one showed any promise of a watchable Grinders season. Is this a season where we should just forward to the title game? Maybe you should have to take a test to be a Grinders captain? Oh well…..

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Date	Time	Full Time
		40'

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		40'

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		40'

01/17/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Week 1

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		40'

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Overtime:

It was great to see more Grinders stay and have a pint. Grab a beer or mixer or house wine (Witt) and come on back in the gym. Heckle. Do stats. If you’re new, introduce yourselves to folks.

Things that are fair game for trash talking/heckling:

Cole is fat.

Richie’s gambling addiction, and his sister

Curt’s shot selection.

Witt’s knee vagina.

Chuck’s tits.

Anything height related with Helmet, Lil Josh, Tirado, Nixon, Worm, KO (Furby look-alike).

AARP members Pauly P, Ford, Jon U, and Jeff May.

Corey missing the rim…….repeatedly.

01/09/2023 by Captain Tenneal

Grinders New Year’s Resolutions

By Captain Tenneal…

Now that we have seen EPIC GREATNESS in the Dadbod’s back to back championships, y’all bums have some -ish to work on to get to that level. We here at Grinders HQ have some New Year’s Resolutions for each and everyone of you.

Zach, Peyton, Crazy Al: Eat a cheeseburger or 2. You don’t look like men. You look like one of the Olsen twins.

Worm, Corey: Come to Eldridge early and look at the rim. Study it. Become one with it. Maybe this will help reduce all those freakin’ air balls. Embarrassing.

HOF E: This go-around as captain win at least ONE…..just ONE game for the love of god

Maybe invest in a Grinders fantasy book and do some research for the auction.

Ford: “Go to work” more instead of going to work more.

Helmet, “Lil” Josh, Old Man Jon, Todd “Freaking” Nixon: Get your heads out of your asses and show the league that you’re not THIS terrible at this game. Mix in a shot or a rebound, or ANYTHING that actually positively contributes to your GAPE.

Jon Witt: Missing a session??? Tape a damn aspirin to it. You’re not even 40 yet. No excuse for not playing.

Justin: Look at yourself in the mirror. Have your wife measure your height. Remember that you’re freaking tall and try and use it for once.

Cole: Eat less. For the love of god drink less. You’re starting to look like Yokozuna instead of your usual fat, slothy self. It’s called a diet.

Josh Lanzot, Mike Milicki, Mark Doyle, Jimmy, Tirado: There is an actual bar where we play. They sell beer, food, etc. They allow Grinders to stay and have a drink or two after the games. TRY IT FOR ONCE.

Tommy Hughes, Jeff May: Find the fountain of youth. You folks used to dominate this league at times. Figure it out.

Matt Vaillancourt, Chuck Thomasulo: Maybe once try playing in the games that count like its’ open run. Best non-pressure, game don’t matter, players I’ve ever seen.

Gersitz: Stop being a cupcake in big game moments. Dude is fantastic at magic. 3 minutes left in the game or less and the dude goes Houdini. Good luck finding him.

Curt: Only play in the regular season. No one will make fun of you. That’s when you’re good. Treat the playoffs like Richie does. Just don’t show up.

Richie: Nothing we suggest could possibly help. Retire at the bottom. Speaking of bottoms, what’s your sister up to these days?

Kellen: Try some inserts Basketball is a tall-main’s game. Oompa loompas don’t belong. Get one of those inversion tables and stretch yourself out.

Salvati: Grow a pair. Your freaking labia gets in the way every time you go to shoot. Stop being a wishy-washy cuckold and make a decision on the court already.

New Guys Joe and Boccio: Come in and have fun. Grinders HQ will be watching. Don’t turn into a Summer’s Eve.

Pauly P: Welcome back. Get a right hand.

12/21/2022 by Captain Tenneal

Twas the night before Christmas – Grinders 2022 edition

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all I could hear on the court,
was screaming and shouting
Richie’s being a poor sport. 

The beer mugs were hung
At the bar with great care
Where Cole could be seen
Ripping out his hair.

The rest decided to sit
in the balcony instead
While dreams of championships 
Danced in their heads. 

Jon U. is on the sidelines
His teams don’t let him play. 
That just gives him more time
To pound a Southern Tier IPA. 

The parking lot at Eldridge
was filled with white snow. 
The only thing brighter?
Doyle’s skin all a glow. 

Vaillancourt plays “tough D”
He guards with a scowl
He can often be heard saying, 
“What’s a foul?”

We thought we saw Santa
on the roof, in his sleigh. 
That wasn’t Santa. 
It was none other than Jeff May!

The game was a blowout. 
Ford said with a smirk
“It’s about time for me 
to go to work.”

Skinny Peyton’s a new guy
Let’s not be absurd
All we want from him?
Say 1 freakin’ word

New guy Corey’s a beast
The paint is his house
I gotta tell you
That Bumble don’t bounce!

Another new guy
Has a dad body 
No one wins more
Than Michael Salvati

Tommy used to be good
Now he’s pretty ineffective
Maybe he should just stick
To sports card conventions

Speaking of used to’s
Here’s Chuck Thomasulo
If you draft him anymore
You must be a fool……….o

‘Lil Josh is a nuisance
Some might say a pest
He reminds me of Herbie
“I want to be a dentist.”

After the season was over
Captain E said with a grin,
“I thought I could draft
at least one freakin’ win!”

Ohhhhhhh poor Helmet,
always finishing in last. 
Lord knows we’ll hear,
“Oh %#@& my ass!!!”

Josh Lanzot’s a beast
in the lane, shooting “bunnies”. 
He even treats Christmas
like it’s 4/20. 

Mike G. is tall and
quiet, like a tree. 
All he says is a whisper,
“I’m the freaking MVP.”

Kellen changed his shoes
so he wouldn’t slip and fall. 
The sneakers worked but 
he still shoots AIR BALLS!!!!

Zach doesn’t know how
To shoot he just flicks
He acts like a tough guy
With arms like a stick. 

Tall Justin’s got talent
With his fake and his feints
You’re fucking 6 foot 6. 
Get in the paint!

On Donner, On Dasher
On Comet On Blitzen
Need a 3 for the ship?
Get Todd $&@?!#% Nixon!!!!

Curt wasn’t at Eldridge
He knows the way
I forgot it was playoffs
Curt’s M….I….A. 

Jon Tirado let’s it fly
He fits What’s a Pass
For as bad as he misses
You’d think he’d call glass. 

Mike Benjamin is pretty
I’d like to give him a rub
Dude even had the trophy
In his hot tub

Crazy Al is a vet
Him missing was a crime
He leads Grinders in points
Just from the baseline

Lil’ Cuz is real feisty
He tries to go to the rack
Don’t let him defend you
He’s the league’s worst hack. 

Don’t forget the Grinders OG’s. 
The greats from of old. 
Simon and Nate,
Hearn and Perrault

The games were all over, 
Witt said with a cry,
Merry Christmas to all
and “BALL DON’T LIE!!!!!!”

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Curtis

Jeff May

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63 - 60

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Gersitz

KO

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54 - 44

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Cole

Jimmy

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58 - 56

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Jimmy

Curtis

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61 - 51

Results

KO

Cole

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