Author: Kenny Blankenship

Blankenship is a high-school dropout whose uncle owns Grinders. Kenny is very unprofessional about reporting, far less serious about the job than Vic is. Despite his non-professional, simplistic stand-point, he claims to make ten times the amount that Vic does because of his uncle being one of the Grinders bosses. Kenny has also been stated to own a condo complex from all the money that he earns from reporting and drives a Volkswagen Jetta. During his reporting, Kenny usually spends his time commenting on the sexual appeal of the effeminate Grinders and how much he likes beer, pizza, and seeing the majority of Grinders fail.
by Kenny Blankenship

Week 1 Winners & Losers

Week 1 winners: 

Eldridge Club – they’ve gained some new clientele.

Grinders hoopsters – able to Grind again……finally…….after a year hiatus.

Richie Creamer – somehow is LEADING Grinders in PPG at 21

Week 1 Losers:


Tommy Hughes – did more complaining about the court, backboard, randomizer, gravitational pull, roof height, basketball, rosters, and scenery than actual playing (5/21 shooting). Not a good look.


Mike Ford – the self-proclaimed Jeff May stopper was often heard at Glendale spouting, “If there was a square on the backboard I’d never miss a layup.” Well, there is at Eldridge and you missed SIX of ‘em. OUCH.

by Kenny Blankenship

Week 1 Recap

WE’RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!! Week 1 went off without a hitch………..except for Cole breaking the scoreboard………….and AK47 showing up 25 minutes late. Anyways, it was great to get back and playing some games. We’re at a nice, new, remote location deep in the heart of basketball heaven (????). Well at least the drinks are cheap and the bar is attached. With the spread of “the Vid” our Grinders gladiators are fewer in number resulting in only having 4 teams this session. Meh, quality over quantity. Let’s get to the Week 1 review of our games.

Team Blue vs Team Grey (64-43 Blue)

​This game was pretty much over about 8 minutes in. Blue looked energetic and excited to be there. Grey looked like their team color should be Brown. Blue got to almost every loose ball, hit the offensive glass hard, turned Grey over repeatedly, and frankly ran them out of the gym.

​Pre-season Grinders MVP candidate Mike “too many L’s in my last name” Milicki did nothing to hurt the hype. Mike is considered by many to be the best player in the league and generally his stats bare that out. Mike had an easy 19/19/8/4 stat line dominating the game from start to finish. As a matter of fact the Grinders Analytics Player Estimation System (GAPES) had Mike rated at the most effective player from Week 1. Mike wasn’t a 1-man show though. The rest of the Blue Squad were pretty effective too. “The Franchise” Todd Nixon added 14 pts on over 50% shooting, Helmet kicked in 9 points including a Steph Curry range 3-ball, and Mark “O’Doyle Rules” had an efficient 10/4/3/2 game. Oh, and Witt played too contributing with his team’s worst shooting percentage (.285 on 6/21). Yikes.

​You could tell Team Grey really hadn’t done a thing during “The Vid” except eat, drink, sleep…….and buy pants with elastic waists. I think I saw more bellies than basketballs. There was some legit pre-season hype around “Open Run” Vaillancourt transitioning his phenominal play to the regular season. That went about as well as playing leapfrog with a unicorn. During times in the game Vaillancourt was seen sucking wind and drinking a roadie instead of actually being on the court. AK47 made a dynamic return back to the Grinders scene after missing the better part of a decade. AK dropped 8 points and was the team’s best shooter. The man known as “E” was nowhere to be found. Frankly Team Grey needs E as his hot shooting and playmaking skills are a game changer. Eric Carlson was looking to make a name for himself in the Grinders game. Many an astute pundit thought he could be a dark horse for 1stteam Grinders honors. I’m not sure if you can play your way off of the all-Grinders team in a week, but he may have. 6/24 is just not going to cut it from a guy with that kind of talent. Right now he’s just Curt’s little cousin.

Team Pink vs Team Black (61-44 Pink)

​This game was definitely the least interesting of the two, missing the stars and the cache of the first game. It played out like it too. The game was close early due to missed shots and turnovers. Pink was able to pull away mid-game and hold that lead for the rest of the game thanks to some big 3’s. 

Off-season rumors swirled that former all-league performer Grant was in jeopardy of retiring. Team Black is thanking their lucky stars he didn’t Grant finished with a hefty 17/15 double-double and was GAPES 3rd highest rated player of week 1. Jon U. was very efficient shooting from the floor (8/16) but gave his team not much else. Team Black welcomed football/American football star Pauly J. into Grinders this year. Early on Pauly looked like it had been a while since he’s seen a basketball but like the dominant CrossFit athlete he is, adjusted and finished solidly with 7 boards and 6 assists (don’t look at his shooting line). I’m not sure Team Black knows what sport they’re playing as they have another guy who only uses his feet. Mike Benjamin (Worm) is back and is looking like his pretty self. I hope he continues to look good, cause his play was rusty……at best. Worm’s 2/9 shooting performance was a tough pill for Black to overcome. He did chip in (unlike Jon) with 7 rebounds, 2 assists, and 1 steal.

Team Pink is a powderkeg of hatred, anger, animosity, ego, and annoyance. The betting line on a major team blowup is set for week 4 (take the under). Richie hates Cole. Cole hates Richie. Richie hates Ford. Cole hates Ford. Ford “locks down” Jeff May. Jeff May knows Ford blows. Team ignores Ford. And then there’s Jon. Pink won for the mere fact that they lived by the “3-ball corner pocket”. When that shot isn’t falling, what will they do? My guess is keep chucking bricks and talking -ish. May God have mercy on their souls.