Recap

Grinders Basketball has seen its fair share of talented teams, but none have quite been as pitiful as the Eskimo Brothers. With a miserable 0.295 field goal percentage and only 36 total rebounds, it”s clear that this team lacks any skill or determination needed to be remotely successful on the court.

Despite having Mike “$27” Ford, the Eskimo Brothers have struggled to find their rhythm on the court. Their lack of shooting accuracy is a major hindrance to their performance, as they only managed to sink four 3-pointers throughout the game. Furthermore, their defense leaves a lot to be desired, with only four steals and one block to their name. This team is hot suck. Unfortunately, the Eskimo Brothers” problems don’t end there. They also struggle with ball control, committing seven turnovers throughout the game, making it easier for their opponents to take control of the ball and score. The team”s captain, Mike Benjamin, had a particularly rough outing, only making six of his 22 field goal attempts. This poor performance was reflected in his low 7 GAPE (Grinders Advanced Performance Evaluation) score, which only emphasizes the team”s overall incompetence. (Editor’s Note: That’s not at all what GAPE stands for)

On the flip side, Bang Bang dominated the game, with Curtis Masich putting up an impressive 10 for 22 performance from the field and Jon “Clap Clap Bang” Tirado making four 3-pointers. This, combined with their solid defense, was enough to secure them a victory against the Eskimo Brothers.

It’s safe to say that the Eskimo Brothers have a long way to go if they hope to be successful in life. Their poor shooting, pusillanimous defense, and inability to control the ball are major red flags that they must address. As Uncle Bishop always “I don”t know which species is worse. You don’t see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.