With all of the snow across WNY, we here at Grinders HQ have gone a little crazy…..like OMJ after a couple IPA’s (or mead these days).I’ve begun to notice some changes in the quality of Grinders basketball over the last few seasons. To be honest it looks more like good ‘ol fashioned wrastlin’ than b-ball these days. Keeping with that theme, we are doing Grinders comps not to the NBA as done in the past, but to professional wrestlers from all companies. Enjoy.
Team Crazy:
Crazy Al: Seth Rollins (SHIELD version) – Quiet, bearded, motors that go for freaking ever. Rollins is the Crossfit Jesus of the WWE. Crazy can run for freaking ever. Crazy is also more of a team guy than a stand-alone, which is why he’s SHIELD Rollins and not the Monday Night Messiah version.
Jeff May: Undertaker (American Bad Ass version) – One of the greats, but definitely long in the tooth. Though every time you think Jeff has one calf in the grave, he rises up for another season. Incredible.
Joe Marie: The Godfather – Both big, scary looking guys. I don’t know if Joe has ho’s, but I know I’m not going to cross him and end up in the pimp’s closet.
Todd Nixon: Daniel Bryan – Both tiny people that no one thought would ever win. Nixon had that great beard going for a while too. Everyone loves Nxon like everyone loves Bryan. Bryan won the title at Mania and the place went nuts. Everyone remembers the roof coming off of Eldridge when Nixon hit the 3 on Gersitz to win it. No one sat down the rest of the night. The hands went up and down like the “Yes” movement.
Garrett: Jack Swagger – Big, strong, fast, good jaws. Both talk a little stupid. Both have the potential to be much better than they already are……or losing championship matches in crushing fashion.
Team Boerdner:
E: Jinder Mahal – Both are arrogant and aloof. People generally don’t like them. Major villains. Also, do a side by side headshot. It’s uncanny. Lastly, where the hell do these two come from? Are they Floridian, Iranian, Egyptian, Italian? Make up your tanned minds.
Ford & Justin: The Natural Disasters, Earthquake and Typhoon – A lotta size and nothing to show for it. Soft in the head and soft in the middle.
Zach: The Miz – Both are typical divas who think that their accomplishments allow them to call the shots. Both get very bitchy when things don’t go their way. Both will absolutely break all the rules to win and are as underhanded as they come.
Ben: David Otunga – Strong, athletic bodies that could be sooooo much more. Both careers disappeared like Ben on game day.
Team Peyton:
Peyton: Riddle – Both do crazy ish on the court/in the ring. Both are young and up and coming. Both are athletic AF. Both say nothing. Comp could have been RVD if Pey-Pey ever opened his mouth.
Bryant: Kofi Kingston – They both have all the crazy moves in the ring and on the court.
Jimmy: Bret “the Hitman” Hart – The best there is. The best there was. The best there ever will be. Nuff said.
Worm: Ravishing Rick Rude – Handsome, pretty boys that couldn’t win the big one. Rude only made it to the Intercontinental Championship. Worm only has a mini-session ‘chip. I swear if Worm wears tights with Zach face on the crotch, it will be the most Alpha move of all time.
Tommy: Chris Jericho (AEW version) – Both used to be superstars, but are now in the twilight of their careers. Both run their mouths like crazy. Time has not been kind to either.
‘Lil Cuz: The Brooklyn Brawler – Neither guy has much talent. Both are better than jobbers. The Brooklyn Brawler meant to hurt you instead of wrestle you. Cuz means to hack you instead of play defense.
Team Pauly P:
Pauly P.: John Cena – Hustle. Loyalty. Respect. These adjectives scream Pauly P. While he may not have the titles like Cena, he is the reigning MVP.
Gersitz: Razor Ramon: Both big and athletic. At times, both look like they couldn’t give AF. Razor was good solo, but always needed a superstar to push him over the top.
Milicki: Kevin Nash – Biggest guys on the court. Could both be unstoppable at times. Injuries and age robbed both of longer, more dominant careers. Both susceptible to the “finger poke of doom”.
Salvati: Santino Marella – Both Italian. Both beloved by the crowds. Both are better side stories than main players. Salvati’s arms wide defense is very snake-like. Call it the “Cobra”? We’ll call it the “Constrictor”.
Helmet: Little Beaver – Both Native Americans who are also midgets. Look it up. Google is an amazing thing.
Team OMJ:
OMJ: Vince McMahon – Both keep the corporation alive. Both are better behind the scenes than in the ring. Nepotism?????? Nawwww. Never. Vindictive? OMJ? Couldn’t be. Who would change the rules, like Vince, just to screw somebody?
Curtis: Rusev – The Eastern block connection is undeniable. No one likes Rusev. No one likes Curt. Neither could win the “big one” in a league that mattered. Curt runs to Monday nights like Rusev/Miro ran to AEW.
Lanzot: Mable – They’re both big dudes and both can move better than you might think. No one wanted to be “splashed” by Mable just like no one wants the Lanzot shoulder.
‘Lil Josh: Doink the Clown – It fits. Go with it. Freaking clown shoes, both of ’em.
Boccio: Chad Gable – Both are shorter gents, pretty well put together. They both hustle and work their asses off to win, but ultimately fall short. Not going to be one of the top guys.
Team Cole:
Cole: Paul Heyman – the great wordsmith. Amazing on the mic, no one wants to listen but everyone tunes in. The one we all love to hate. The manager, looking for the next great champ to ride the coat tails to a title. From Brock to Roman, DadBods to Chuckin’ Champs but don’t forget the dud RVD or was that the Long Con.
Wayne: Ryback – FEED ME MORE!!!!!!!!!!! Who wants to get in front of or in the ring with either of these human refrigerators?
Richie: X-Pac – Both are under-sized and shitty. Both needed the bigger guys to lead them to titles. Anyone remember the 1,2,3 Kid? Yeah, me neither. Who’s X-Pac without Triple H and DX?
Tirado: Rey Mysterio – I think they’re both tiny people from the same island. Rey does some crazy, high-risk moves off the top rope which often leads to disaster, but sometimes, a title. It’s very similar to a Tirado 3 from the logo. Every once in a while it hits and changes the game. When it misses, everything breaks (floors, backboards, teammates, etc.).
Chuck: Mr Ass – Chuck is constantly talking about his glutes and how good they look. Mr. Ass always wiggled his, like Parkman in Major League. Chuck apparently does the same on the golf course. Mr. Ass was great as a tag-team partner, not so much alone. Chuck is the same. He needs DX……or at least a Road Dogg.
Free Agents:
Cory: Otis – Both are strong AF. Do a side by side comparison. It’s obvious.
Pauly J: Christian – Both are under-estimated athletically. Both are fairly quiet (for this league and in comparison to other ‘mic generals”).
Witt: CM Punk – Both have been champions. Both have been considered “the best” at some point in their careers. That was a loooooooooooong time ago. Punk was gone for 9 years? Does anyone remember the last time Witt played? He’s probably better at delivering “pipe bombs” now than an actual performance.
Kellen: Hornswoggle – The both don’t really do much anymore. They’re both kinda side attractions to the real show. Also, I mean, look at them both. They could be twins. Someone please get that man a shillelagh.
Doyle: Shamus – Both pale-skinned, bearded Irishmen who are very athletic and won’t back down from a challenge. Doyle has climbed the mountain top in the past, but it’s been awhile since he’s been relevant.
