Category: Blog

by Vic Romano

Week 2

I’m pleased to see that the majority of the Grinders learned their lesson from Week 1 – it was sooooo boring watching three straight uncompetitive blowouts. Last week, we only had one of those! Maybe tomorrow we can drop that number down to zero! Wait, what’s that? The Ice Climbers play Kellen and The Jets at 6:30? Well, maybe just one blowout isn’t that bad … what is bad is that I made an Ice Climbersreference, because it doesn’t really work. I remember in Super Smash Bros on the GameCube they were super overpowered if you knew how to use them. So really that is the worst nickname for the lowly Eskimo Brothers. “Smash Bros Wii U” might be a more fitting moniker. To the one person who knows what I’m even talking about right now, I’m very sorry. Let’s just recap. – Vic

Details

Date Time Full Time
40'

Details

Date Time Full Time
40'

Details

Date Time Full Time
40'

Note – blame Kenny for failing to establish a deadline for this late post…

by Captain Tenneal

Week 1

Details

Date Time Full Time
40'

Details

Date Time Full Time
40'

Details

Date Time Full Time
40'

Overtime:

It was great to see more Grinders stay and have a pint. Grab a beer or mixer or house wine (Witt) and come on back in the gym. Heckle. Do stats. If you’re new, introduce yourselves to folks. 

Things that are fair game for trash talking/heckling:

  • Cole is fat. 

  • Richie’s gambling addiction, and his sister

  • Curt’s shot selection. 

  • Witt’s knee vagina. 

  • Chuck’s tits. 

  • Anything height related with Helmet, Lil Josh, Tirado, Nixon, Worm, KO (Furby look-alike). 

  • AARP members Pauly P, Ford, Jon U, and Jeff May. 

  • Corey missing the rim…….repeatedly. 
by Captain Tenneal

Grinders New Year’s Resolutions

By Captain Tenneal…

Now that we have seen EPIC GREATNESS in the Dadbod’s back to back championships, y’all bums have some -ish to work on to get to that level. We here at Grinders HQ have some New Year’s Resolutions for each and everyone of you.

Zach, Peyton, Crazy Al: Eat a cheeseburger or 2. You don’t look like men. You look like one of the Olsen twins. 

Worm, Corey: Come to Eldridge early and look at the rim. Study it. Become one with it. Maybe this will help reduce all those freakin’ air balls. Embarrassing.

HOF E: This go-around as captain win at least ONE…..just ONE game for the love of god

Maybe invest in a Grinders fantasy book and do some research for the auction.

Ford: “Go to work” more instead of going to work more.

Helmet, “Lil” Josh, Old Man Jon, Todd “Freaking” Nixon: Get your heads out of your asses and show the league that you’re not THIS terrible at this game. Mix in a shot or a rebound, or ANYTHING that actually positively contributes to your GAPE.

Jon Witt: Missing a session??? Tape a damn aspirin to it. You’re not even 40 yet. No excuse for not playing.

Justin: Look at yourself in the mirror. Have your wife measure your height. Remember that you’re freaking tall and try and use it for once.

Cole: Eat less. For the love of god drink less. You’re starting to look like Yokozuna instead of your usual fat, slothy self. It’s called a diet.

Josh Lanzot, Mike Milicki, Mark Doyle, Jimmy, Tirado: There is an actual bar where we play. They sell beer, food, etc. They allow Grinders to stay and have a drink or two after the games. TRY IT FOR ONCE.

Tommy Hughes, Jeff May: Find the fountain of youth. You folks used to dominate this league at times. Figure it out. 

Matt Vaillancourt, Chuck Thomasulo: Maybe once try playing in the games that count like its’ open run. Best non-pressure, game don’t matter, players I’ve ever seen.

Gersitz: Stop being a cupcake in big game moments. Dude is fantastic at magic. 3 minutes left in the game or less and the dude goes Houdini. Good luck finding him.

Curt: Only play in the regular season. No one will make fun of you. That’s when you’re good. Treat the playoffs like Richie does. Just don’t show up.

Richie: Nothing we suggest could possibly help. Retire at the bottom. Speaking of bottoms, what’s your sister up to these days?

Kellen: Try some inserts Basketball is a tall-main’s game. Oompa loompas don’t belong. Get one of those inversion tables and stretch yourself out. 

Salvati: Grow a pair. Your freaking labia gets in the way every time you go to shoot. Stop being a wishy-washy cuckold and make a decision on the court already.

New Guys Joe and Boccio: Come in and have fun. Grinders HQ will be watching. Don’t turn into a Summer’s Eve.

Pauly P: Welcome back. Get a right hand.

by Vic Romano

Grinder Championship Recap

Here at Grinders HQ, we held a majority vote on whether or not there would be a championship night recap. The majority voted “no way, the last thing we need is to inflate the Dadbods’ ego any more!” And yet, on this merry Christmas Eve, that is exactly what is going to happen. The weather outside may be frightful, butmaking fun of Richie will be oh-so delightful.

BOHICA vs. Dadbods – 63-36

​BOHICA came into this game with confidence – after handing the Dadbodstheir only defeat way back in week 1, they had the entirety of the Grinders Association in their corner rooting for an upset. And based on last week’s performance against Gimme a Minute, this matchup was shaping up to be an all-timer. Well, in that respect, it certainly was. BOHICA shot an impressive 0/16 to start the game, and it took over 12 minutes into the first half until finally, mercifully, Lil Josh ended the drought with a half-assed mid range jumper. Captain Richie shot just over 20% and was checked out well before halftime, resulting in a season-worst -6 GAPE. Jimmy Zeitz was equally ineffective, contributing 8 points on 4/15 shooting. “Big” Josh Lanzot was the lone “bright” spot, as he turned in an acceptable 14 points and a team-leading 10 GAPE. At the time of this writing, the “feels like” temperature outside is -5°, roughy 20 degrees warmer than Richie’s team was in this game.

After enjoying a bye last week, the Dadbods clearly didn’t skip a beat. Jon Witt turned in the easiest 44 GAPE performance we’ve ever seen, and Cole wasn’t too far behind with 30 himself. They both shot over 60%, a true testament to the ineptitude of BOHICA. KO shot nearly 50% and drained a couple of threes. Zach played good defense. As a team, Dadbods outGAPEd BOHICA 86-20, the second-highest disparity this session. That sounds good, I guess.

Laundromats vs. What’s a Pass? – 48-42

What’s this? The first competitive game in two weeks? Realistically, the Laundromats did everything they needed to do to win this game. As a team, they had a better shooting percentage, won the rebound battle, and forced more turnovers. Despite just 10 points from “MVP” Mike Gersitz, he still posted a 20 GAPE. Al “Crazy” Derrico had a poor shooting night but still managed 12 points. Worm almost had an equal shooting and airball percentage. “Suck Bucket” Cory was the real story of the game, tying his career high 19 GAPE on 80% shooting and 10 rebounds. It was really great watching him do the “too small” gesture to Curt after every made shot, despite mostly being guarded by a child 1/3 of his size.

Speaking of Curt, What’s a Pass? gets destroyed if not for him. He put the “Playoff Curt” talks to rest (that title now belongs to Richie) with 31 points with an EFG% of 51%. Matt Vaillancourt pitched in 10 points and contributed in every other stat category. As for Tirado, Boerdner and Peyton? They ran around, combined for 3/20 shooting, and sprinkled in some assists and turnovers. Talk about getting carried to the championship…

What’s a Pass? Vs. Dadbods – 45-43

​This game was the true epitome of what Grinders is all about – more fouls than the stat keepers can count, constant trash talk, and essentially a disgrace to the game of basketball. I’m confident that both teams would have been in the quintuple bonus after 5 minutes of play. I mean seriously, there were two different instances where fouls were called (justifiably so) like 10 times in a single possession. Just terrible to watch. Curt and Matt must have had sore backs from carrying the team in the previous game, as their performances significantly declined. Curt started to heat up for a few minutes towards the end, bringing the team within 2, but it was an ill-advised triple-covered three point attempt with plenty of time on the clock that sank his squad’s chances. You can only hero ball for so long. Matt turned in a 10 GAPE, and when he wasn’t hacking the life out of Cole he was sending his teammates to the hospital by refusing to call out screens. Perhaps it was all part of the plan – after being on the receiving end of a screen from hell, the youngling Peyton showed as much emotion as he had all season and ripped off a couple of buckets. He scored the second most points for WaP? with 8, but was once again phased out of the game plan after a couple of missed threes. “HOF” Boerdner logged more expletives than points, and Tirado picked up where he left off from last game, contributing very, very little. 

For the Dadbods, they rode the hot hand of Witt, who seemingly scored at will against whomever was guarding him. He also executed a flawless defensive gameplan against Peyton, daring him to shoot and then turning into a prime Ray Lewis whenever he decided to drive. Cole dug his way into the heads of Matt and E, cementing his spot as one of the league’s top instigators. Kellen Korver made it rain from three, and Zach once again played good defense. There isn’t much more to report on, this was a signature Dadbods performance, and it resulted in another championship for the second consecutive session. At the end of the day, the better and more-disliked team came out on top, and the Grinders faithful are thankful that they will not be running it back a third time.

Congrats to the Dadbods once again, and Playoff MVP Jonathan Vilma Witt. We at Grinders HQ would like to wish everyone a Happy Holidays. We also hope that nobody’s PTSD kicks in from being locked indoors and unable to travel again. Take advantage of this time to rest up, and please, when we resume next session, be better and don’t let the league villains win again.

by Captain Tenneal

Twas the night before Christmas – Grinders 2022 edition

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all I could hear on the court,
was screaming and shouting
Richie’s being a poor sport. 

The beer mugs were hung
At the bar with great care
Where Cole could be seen
Ripping out his hair.

The rest decided to sit
in the balcony instead
While dreams of championships 
Danced in their heads. 

Jon U. is on the sidelines
His teams don’t let him play. 
That just gives him more time
To pound a Southern Tier IPA. 

The parking lot at Eldridge
was filled with white snow. 
The only thing brighter?
Doyle’s skin all a glow. 

Vaillancourt plays “tough D”
He guards with a scowl
He can often be heard saying, 
“What’s a foul?”

We thought we saw Santa
on the roof, in his sleigh. 
That wasn’t Santa. 
It was none other than Jeff May!

The game was a blowout. 
Ford said with a smirk
“It’s about time for me 
to go to work.”

Skinny Peyton’s a new guy
Let’s not be absurd
All we want from him?
Say 1 freakin’ word

New guy Corey’s a beast
The paint is his house
I gotta tell you
That Bumble don’t bounce!

Another new guy
Has a dad body 
No one wins more
Than Michael Salvati

Tommy used to be good
Now he’s pretty ineffective
Maybe he should just stick
To sports card conventions

Speaking of used to’s
Here’s Chuck Thomasulo
If you draft him anymore
You must be a fool……….o

‘Lil Josh is a nuisance
Some might say a pest
He reminds me of Herbie
“I want to be a dentist.”

After the season was over
Captain E said with a grin,
“I thought I could draft
at least one freakin’ win!”

Ohhhhhhh poor Helmet,
always finishing in last. 
Lord knows we’ll hear,
“Oh %#@& my ass!!!”

Josh Lanzot’s a beast
in the lane, shooting “bunnies”. 
He even treats Christmas
like it’s 4/20. 

Mike G. is tall and
quiet, like a tree. 
All he says is a whisper,
“I’m the freaking MVP.”

Kellen changed his shoes
so he wouldn’t slip and fall. 
The sneakers worked but 
he still shoots AIR BALLS!!!!

Zach doesn’t know how
To shoot he just flicks
He acts like a tough guy
With arms like a stick. 

Tall Justin’s got talent
With his fake and his feints
You’re fucking 6 foot 6. 
Get in the paint!

On Donner, On Dasher
On Comet On Blitzen
Need a 3 for the ship?
Get Todd $&@?!#% Nixon!!!!

Curt wasn’t at Eldridge
He knows the way
I forgot it was playoffs
Curt’s M….I….A. 

Jon Tirado let’s it fly
He fits What’s a Pass
For as bad as he misses
You’d think he’d call glass. 

Mike Benjamin is pretty
I’d like to give him a rub
Dude even had the trophy
In his hot tub

Crazy Al is a vet
Him missing was a crime
He leads Grinders in points
Just from the baseline

Lil’ Cuz is real feisty
He tries to go to the rack
Don’t let him defend you
He’s the league’s worst hack. 

Don’t forget the Grinders OG’s. 
The greats from of old. 
Simon and Nate,
Hearn and Perrault

The games were all over, 
Witt said with a cry,
Merry Christmas to all
and “BALL DON’T LIE!!!!!!”
by Kenny Blankenship

Round 1 Recap… 12/16/2022

Remember when this league was cool and we had game reviews every week? I ‘member. The last one was a month and a half ago. Let’s be better from now on, shall we?

Dadbods vs. What’s a Pass?

Perhaps the most exciting game of the session – oh, my apologies. It would appear that neither of these teams played last week. Jumped the gun a bit there.

BOHICA vs. Gimme a Minute: 65-35

Despite Gimme a Minute only trailing by 8 points at the half, this game was never really close. Tall Justin’s game plan of “everybody shoot the ball poorly” was executed to perfection, as the Big 3 of Justin, Jeff May and Lil Cuz all shot under .304 from the field. It’s also quite apparent that some strings were pulled in the stat department, as not a single air ball was recorded? What’s that all about? I’m pretty sure there were at least 5, with 4 of them coming from Lil Cuz. Sorry, we don’t sugarcoat things around here. Helmet and Little Josh turned in signature performances combining for a GAPE of 1. Tall Justin looked flummoxed in the paint as he was locked down by Josh Lanzot. Lil Cuz tried to provide a spark by committing assault on Richie at least three different times. Jeff “I’m too old for this shit” May came out of the gate guns blazing, starting off 0/6 shooting. He did led the team in scoring though with 15 points, and he also recorded … 11 blocks? Somehow I find that highly unlikely.

On the other hand, BOHICA actually looked like a team with a pulse out there. The aforementioned Josh Lanzot dominated down low with 14 rebounds and held Tall Justin to his worst game of the session. He also dished out 8 assists and tied teammate Jimmy Zeitz for a game-high 25 GAPE. Speaking of, Zeitz took advantage of some low-effort defense and dropped 28 points on 60% shooting. That seems good. Richie started the game slow, but really turned it on after getting angry for no apparent reason, splashing 5 from deep. Nixon showed great hustle and logged 4 steals. These guys were just locked in, and they will have the rest of the Grinders in their corner this week when they take on the Dadbods. Let’s hope they can recreate their Week 1 upset…

Laundromats vs. Chuckets: 63-48

To the surprise of absolutely no one, this session’s Gaping Grinder Mike Gersitz gaped and grinded all over the Chuckets. Rival captain Tommy watched in awe as MVG nailed open look after open look, logging 30 points on 60% shooting and a massive GAPE of 37. Al “Still Overpaid” Derrico was written off early in the session, but in the wise words of Geno Smith “he ain’t write back though.” Al contributed 20 points on over 50% shooting and filled up the box score with two steals and a block. Cory “Suck Bucket” Muldowney showed off his prowess as a point forward, recording 15 rebounds and 7 assists. I think the Suck Score is a bit harsh – sure, Cory can’t score for shit, but hot damn can he facilitate an offense. He also knows how to appeal to the audience – his frequent pull-up airballs always get the Grinders on their feet. Gersitz and gang looked dangerous, and they look to strike while the iron is hot in Round 2 against What’s a Pass? Will Gersitz continue to dominate against a slightly more formidable opponent? How long will it take before Cory turns into prime Goldberg and spears his “friend” Curt and stares down at the body he has just broken in half? Can “Crazy” Al take “ROTY” Peyton to school once more? My answer to all of the above is “yeah, probably.”

Sadly, we must also discuss the Chuckets, who also played in this game. Captain Tommy Hughes somehow managed 18 points, but also sank his squad with 5 turnovers, including one that was rifled off of the dome of his own teammate, Chuck, forcing him out of the game. With their top shooter down, big man Mike Ford filled in nicely by shooting 2/14 from the field. Doyle turned in a pretty standard Doyle game with an efficient 10 points. To be honest though, we’re really just glad that Chuck is okay. That was some pretty scary shit. Okay enough being nice. Not a soul is surprised this team lost. They had the worst record for a reason.

Overall these games were both pretty stinky. Hopefully we got all of the blowouts out of the way because that shit was borrrriinggg. As a wise man once said, “GET BETTER YOU PEOPLE!”

by Kenny Blankenship

What’s a Suck Score?

“Bro, what’s this new “Suck Score” and why does Old Man Jon hate Cory so much?“

Nah, Old Man Jon likes Cory. He seems like a good dude – I’d even let him fuck Richie’s sister. The Suck Score highlights Grinders who… sucked.

Suck Score FAQs:

  • Q: How do you determine a grinder’s Suck Score?
  • A: Don’t worry about all that.
  • Q: What about all the “good” stuff I do? Like my points, rebounds, assists?
  • A: What about it? You’re probably not that good. Besides, that’s what we have “GAPE” for. Stop being selfish.
  • Q: What is the Suck Score out of?
  • A: 100.
  • Q: Why another negative stat? This world we live in is vile enough as it is. Most Grinders come to fraternize with the guys, have a couple drinks, get a good run in… forget about how polarized the country is, inflation, how doomed our planet is, and all the horrors of war. This seems counter to that goal.
  • A: Okay.
  • Q: No, seriously, why?
  • A: I have depression and your misery makes me a little less sad.
by Captain Tenneal

No Week 5 Review, Instead…

Grinders HQ writers decided that you get no weekly review. Instead you get a look back at the half-way point of the season.

First Team All-Grinders mid-season

  • Curtis Masich: (23/9/4/1/1) leading candidate for MVP before his near-fatal ankle injury.
  • Richie Creamer: (22/5/1/3/1) best guard in the league (statistically – at least in games he actually plays).
  • Justin Rybinski: (17/12/2/1/2) third best GAPE in Grinders – walking double/double. So tall.
  • Matt Vaillancourt: (14/14/1/3/1) leads Grinders in rebounding, 4th in GAPE.

Second-team All Grinders – mid-season

  • Mike Gersitz: (17/12/4/2/1) highest GAPE in Grinders, team is in 5th place
  • Josh Lanzot: (14/8/3) 7th in the league in GAPE
  • Jon Witt: (15/6/3/1/1) spearheads best defensive team in Grinders
  • Jimmy Zeitz: (16/8/3/2) toughest to guard when he goes

Road to the Grinder Title…

Dadbods (4-1)

These knobs. Defending full-season champions, team everyone hates, overall league villains. Dadbod players obsessively remind other teams that they are, in fact, very obnoxious. This team plays solid defense, in their own words. The strategy seems to be to prolong their offensive possessions by aggressively calling fouls after missed shots – so the scores remain low, as opposed to just winning with their basketball talent. This team is built well and made for the playoffs. There is undeniable flopping skill by the team’s lead scorers.

– Strengths: ball movement, lead league in defense, BB IQ, strong depth 3-5

– Weaknesses: offense…..anything offense

Gimmie a Minute (3-2)

This team was destined from the moment the draft ended to be the most “vanilla” team in Grinders. Tall Justin Rybinski, the “Jeff Fisher of Grinders”, always powers his team to ~.500 every session, but then fizzles out in the playoffs. This team has to be happy with their 3-2 record so far, with Jeff May and Eric Carlson struggling to live up to expectations. Eric, along with fellow goons Justin “Helmet” Girardi and Josh Morcelle, are happy violently hacking unsuspecting Grinders for something to do.

– Strengths: scoring, possible personnel mismatches

– Weaknesses: ball movement, athleticism

What’s a Pass? (3-2)

This team may be he most offensively gifted Grinders squad put together at EBC. Curtis “Playoffs???” Masich, Matt “Hack-A-Matt” Vaillancourt, and Peyton “The Child” Urbaniak are all shooting over 44% from the floor. Jon “Ironman” Tirado and Eric “E” Boerdner each have the ability to put up big points in any given game, but also, have been more likely to tank their team’s chances with an off-night. This team could be a force if they all play together, as a team, and the young guy continues to gain confidence in his rookie season.

– Strengths: lead league in scoring, good shooting, actual b-ball talent

– Weaknesses: Playoff Curt, shot selection, shaky depth play

BOHICA (2-3)

Captain Richie Creamer has selfishly played in just 2 games this session. The only games this team have won by the way – including an opening night banger against Dadbods, where there was some hugging or whatever. When everyone actually shows up, this team is difficult to beat. Josh Lanzot is an absolute bully down low, Jimmy Zeitz is a baller, Todd “Fucking” Nixon is a fan favorite, and Aaron “AK” Kiselev does AK stuff on the court.

– Strengths: great guard play, shooting, BB IQ

– Weaknesses: size

Laundromats (2-3)

First time captain Mike Gersitz drafted a bunch of dudes who aren’t even on the team anymore. Cory “New Guy” Muldowney and Al “I went for how much???” Derrico have done their part in trying to complement Mike Gersitz’s dominating play. Mike “Q-Worm” Benjamin has been quietly chipping in 12.0 PPG, with a 40% EFG. Without a fifth guy to add a blow to the starters, a deep playoff run could prove difficult.

– Strengths: GAPE god Gersitz, size, championship pedigree

– Weaknesses: aggression, finishers

Chuckets (1-4)

3-point legend Chuck Thomasula, at +0.8 Expected Gape, is the only guy on this squad who hasn’t underperformed. Team is somehow winless when Tommy Hughes, and Mike Ford plays. This team relies on balanced scoring and balanced play from top to bottom on the roster, but haven’t had much success so far. Mark Doyle has been shooting 41% from the field. Chuck leads the team in scoring. Tommy leads in GAPE, and Ford has vertigo. Old man Jon U contributes little.

– Strengths: talent, athleticism

– Weaknesses: size, scoring droughts, defense, old

Round 1 Playoff Predictions

Based on the game film that Grinders HQ reviews we believe this is how the first round of the playoffs might shakeout:

Game 1: What’s a Pass vs Chuckets (3v6)

Chuckets take this one. Playoff Curt shows up again. Ford goes to work. Tommy cheats just enough to get the win.

Game 2: BOHICA vs Laundromats (4v5)

Laundry Guys over BOHICA. No one can stop Gersitz. Richie melts under the pressure.

What about the rest of the playoffs? The Grinders HQ writers are tired. You get what you get…

by Captain Tenneal

Week 4 Review

There is no Week 3 Review b/c you guys, just like the Yankees, suck!

This game started out as you would expect. What’s a Pass? took an early lead and seemed to dominate the action. Curt continued to fire up shots from everywhere on the court with his teammates giving him a “thumbs up” everytime, knowing he wasn’t going to pass. Then it happened. A scream could be heard throughout the Eldredge Club. It was like a teenage girl in a horror movie, or a woman giving birth, or Richie losing a Draft Kings bet. Curt stubbed his toe on Helmet, flopped on the ground like Cole from a “charge”, and refused to go back in the game. From that point on, game over.

     “First Ballot” Boerdner decided to “go to work” to the tune of 3/24. Vaillancourt had to be “Point Guard” Vaillancourt which we all know is hilarious in itself. “New Kid” Peyton was efficient scoring 10 points. “Bang Bang” Tirado would have had better luck than his 1/9 if he merely banged his head against the wall. With Curt MIA, this team is in trouble. No one know what to do with the basketball b/c Curt never gives it to them. God’s speed gents.

     Gimmie a Minute took full advantage of Curt’s “injury” (hang nail). Justin “Claven” Rybinski and Jeff “Superman” May dominated the paint to the combined tune of 35 points and 22 boards. “Lil Cuz” pitched in with 11 points and Humpty and Dumpty (Helmet and Josh) each had a bucket.

………………this reporter definitely did not see AD In The Waiting Richie Creamer hand over a burlap sack with “$$$” on it to one Justin “Bobblehead” Girardi post-game.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If Richie “AD in Wait” Creamer has a good game and we, at Grinders HQ don’t report it, did it happen?

     So, a great game that started off poorly. BOHICA started off hot and took a huge lead on the Pillowcases (almost by 20 at one point). Creamer (28 pts, 6-3’s) and Jimmy (20 points) shot 21/42, combined for 49 GAPE and dominated the game flow early. Todd “Franchise” Nixon and Josh “Rathman” Lanzot were there physically but that stats don’t really reflect it (don’t worry boys, it happens to everyone, there’s a pill for it). Then something strange happened. Crazy Al turned back the clock to the Glendale days and was scoring (20pts). Mike “Worm” Benjamin was left alone and was draining 3 after 3 after 3 in Richie’s face. Mike “Vow of Silence” Gersitz remembered that he was allowed to shoot and was scoring the second half. All of a sudden that 20 point lead dwindled to 2. The full court pressure that the Static Sheets were applying was leaving BOHICA out to dry. There were turnovers, shot clock violations, time-outs galore. Nothing could get BOHICA back on track. The Tides decided to take a 2 instead of a 3 which put the shot/game clock back in favor of BOHICA and they ran out the clock like cowards.

Honestly a shite game to watch. No great offense to speak of. No efficiency. Here’s your recap: Cole fouled Ford intentionally. Tommy fouled Cole intentionally. Cole yelled at Tommy. Tommy yelled at Cole. Witt shot a lot. Salvati tried hard. Ford did not. Doyle disappeared as if he were in the nude at noon. Chuck shot terribly. KO and Newbs played through all the BS. Dadbods won.

GET BETTER YOU PEOPLE

by Captain Tenneal

Week 1 Review…

Week 1, welcome back, blablabla. Honestly it was good to see people again and have a pint or 3. I’m sure Edlridge was thrilled we were back as well. Onto the games……

6:30 – Gimmie a Minute VS Laundromats now known as MIA (only Mike In Action)

I’m not sure how this game was played or counted because Mike “Silent Death” Gersitz was the only one from his team to show. This was a hard game to follow as most there were trying to figure out who was actually playing for their team. Apparently Justin and co. had all their people, though no one really showed up (statistically). This should be an interesting team to watch as there is potential. But as usual, Justin stayed on the perimeter against the much smaller Gersitz. Lil’Cuz went “Happy Go Jacky” on every shot he saw, mostly out of iso ball. Jeff May struggled again with his calves and his shooting percentage showed it. Lil’ Josh was a pest as usual but had no major effect on what was going on. There was a lot of one-on-one, I’m getting mine going on. Wait and see if that changes.

Gersitz dominated play as proven by his 40 GAPE (26/18). Dude just finds a way to be effective even if his team doesn’t make him a focal point. Crazy Al went for $28. Based on last year and game 1 of this year, that’s about $22 too much. He struggled scoring again but his energy did help to get his team extra possessions. To be honest, we lost interest in this one after the first 16 minutes. It was best placed as the first game out of the shoot, much like the first fight in an undercard. No one knows who they are and no one cares or will watch. Be better next time.

Based on talent, this should have been the game of the night. Instead we got what may be the greatest disparity in Team GAPE…….ever!!!!!! (96-20) What’s a Pass? came out and absolutely dominated play. Matt “Eye Rake” Vaillancourt looked like the UNC version of “Psycho T” Tyler Hansburough. He destroyed Ford in the paint and completed dominated everything in the 3-second area to the tune of 26/20 on 68% shooting and a career high GAPE of 48. Curt did Curt things and scored at will against a much inferior team (mostly in garbage time) and almost had a triple double (30/10/8). Peyton “Jon’s kid” made his Grinders debut and contributed in every stat category, as did “Bang Bang” Tirado. This game was done before the 1st half had even expired.

Team Chuckets had us up-chucking with how bad they were. They didn’t score. They didn’t pass. They didn’t rebound. They didn’t try. Frankly they didn’t care. Once again self-proclaimed top 5 player in the league Tommy Hughes called “game” with a ton of time left on the clock. Rumor has it that he didn’t want rival Crut to drop 80 on his ass. There’s not much to go on stat-wise for this team. Tommy had a double-double (10/10) but……..ewwwwwww. Be better in week 2.

BOHICA vs Dadbod Does the Shammgod

“THE HUG”. That is all.

The games/shenanigans/trash-talk at the bar was waaaaaaaaay better than any of the games played. You want more write-up? Play better games.