Another week, another forfeit. Seriously people, make Wednesdays a priority. You signed up and committed. Try and play once in a while.

Oh and hey, we have Twitter now!

• @GrindersBBall

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Hoops Curt Missed it Again vs Team Milicki

This was a pretty good game to watch, as far as competition goes. I do have to tell you that the offensive performances (save 1) were pretty lackluster. Team Milicki shot 27% from the field. “First Ballot” E scored 13 and “Bang Bang” Tirado scored 12. Tirado also chipped in with 13 rebounds. Todd “F’ing” Nixon led the shooting by going 3 of 9 from the field. This game may have gone another way if the “Human Cheat Code” Mike Milicki hadn’t gotten injured.

The Hoops squad was led by a wrecking ball of 1 man…..Jeff “Championship” May! May scored from the left. May scored from the right. May scored from the top of the key. May scored on the block. Here a May, there a May, everywhere a Jeff May. Jeff May showed his team who the real captain is (insert every Captain Phillips joke here_______________).. Former Captain Curt did score 16 (on 32%) and have 15 rebounds. Curt was a force on the offensive glass late. Besides going all Luka, Jeff May had 15 rebounds as well, and a game leading GAPE of 24. Crazy Al continued his poor shooting going 1/12. Helmet got to play finally and even took 2 shots (both misses). Helmet has extended his Grinders record scoreless streak at 200 minutes and counting.

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Luke Perry Heart-throbs vs Hi-liters

The pretty boys forfeit to do their hair and nails.

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Team Richie Does Ford’s Laundry vs Dadbod Does the Shammgod

The usual suspects in a prototypical powderkeg of a game of people who just can’t freaking stand each other. We were all waiting……with baited beer breath…..to watch this thing blow up. The insults, the barbs, the taunts, the jeers, all lined up and ready to go. Instead we got a typical, boring, Dadbod game of defense. Team Richie went up 11-0, bringing chants of “whitewash” and “game over” from the raucous Eldridge Club crowd. Ford subbed out and the Dadbods went on a run. Ford could be heard on the sideline, “Notice when I sub out we stop scoring?” A true team leader right there folks. Don’t let him near a bus.

Anyway, by half the Bods led by 2, 26-24. That lead was extended and the crowd could then be heard asking if Team Framer could reach 30 points (they did, at the 5 minute mark, ouch).

Richie lit it up for his team with a whopping 12 points. “Big Ben” Sears had 11. Vaillancharge, Chuck-its, and Ford could only manage 18 shots combined (they hit 5). The Dreambods were led by Jon “Melo” Witt who had 21 and Kellen “Rondo Clutch” Owen had 11. The trio of Newberry, Cole, and Salvati went 5/28.

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Not-an-over-reaction Thursday:

New idea for next session – Not all teams make playoffs (maybe people will show up). Knobs.

Last week’s league beat writer told you fools no weekly review this week….just some mid-season “awards”, praise, criticism, odds, etc.

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MVP (midseason):

Curtis “AD” Maisch – Curt leads Grinders in PPG, 3PG, and RPG, and for him, is shooting a blistering 39% from the field. Though his team’s wins might not match it, Curt is balling out.

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First Team All-Grinders (midseason):

F/G: Curtis Maisch

F/G: Mike Gersitz

F/G: Justin Rybinski

F/G: Jon Witt

We’ve detailed Curt’s achievements. Mike leads Grinders in GAPE and is the best player on the league’s best team (and reigning/defending). Justin has the third highest GAPE in the league (2nd highest, non-captain) and is averaging 18/14 per game. He’s also the only player on his team over 5’7 and their team is hovering around .500. Witt makes the list as the best player on the league’s second best team. He’s averaging 17/8/5 and is often called on to “d up” each team’s best perimeter player.

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Outplaying their contract (midseason)

Mike G. GAPE of 28, cost of $18 – STEAL OF THE DRAFT (again)

Zach Newberry: GAPE of 16, cost of $4 – defensive excellence, high motor

Pauly J: GAPE of 17, cost of $7 – finding confidence, playing to skill finally

Ben Sears: GAPE of 11, cost of $7 – scoring is up this year

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Underperforming their contract (midseason):

Wayne Haynes: GAPE of 13, cost of $23 – cleanup the missed layups

Jimmy Z.: GAPE of 13, cost of $32 – highest paid player in league history, gotta have more from ya

Mike Ford: GAPE of 11, captain’s cost of $25 – show up and show out….for once

Crazy Al: GAPE of 3, cost of $16 – just gotta sand the rust off

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Mid-season odds to win the TITLE:

Hi-liters – 3/1: Still the champs. Only 1 loss. Great team.

Dadbod – 4.5/1: Beat the champs. Only 1 loss. Great D. Meh O.

Hoops – 9/1: Great collection of telent. Need to put it together.

Stye-Eye – 15/1: Comes down to the engagement of 1 player

Ken-Dolls – 18/1: can Justin/Jimmy (aka Malone/Stockton) get hot for a run?

Richie’s Bad Beat – 55/1: Ford’s checked out. Vaillancourt calls phantom shit. No team synergy. Playing out the string.

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League Leaders (midseason):

PPG: Curt

RPG: Milicki

APG: Tommy/Witt

SPG: Tirado

BPG: Gersitz/Justin

3PG: Curt

FG%: Gersitz

GAPE: Gersitz

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Top Moments of the Year……so far:

1. Richie’s tantrum at the draft.

2. E’s buzzer beater for OT

3. Foulancourt VS E and Milicki

4. Signal app shaming of Cole as Butterbean

5. Josh ‘Lil Josh blocks Richie

6. Old Man Jon buries jumper in Cole’s face, talks shit

7. More and more people staying later and later at the bar

Around and around we go. When Cole will shut up or Ford will show up, nobody knows………

Oh and hey, we have Twitter now!

• @GrindersBBall

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Team Vaillan-foul vs Good-looking Guys

Another week, another loss for Ford and co. Are they the best, worst team we’ve ever seen or the worst, best team. I don’t think they’re this bad, but alas, you are what your record says you are. The lone highlight for Team Foul-ancourt was Richie “Why Didn’t Someone Else Draft Me?” Creamer. Richie dropped 28 on the pretty boys. He also grabbed 10 rebounds, had 5 assists and 3 steals. In the small amount of time he was on the bench, he even made 4 bets on the overs that night for college basketball. Much like his team, he lost those bets too. Will anyone step up for this veteran team???? Yikes.

When Team Fabio was assembled, some said they were gonna be trash and some thought they could give people problems. So far, both opinions have been correct. They’ve throttled the Dadbods and been throttled by the Hi-liters. They played a bad Ford team close, but won. Who knows with these guys week to week? Justin and Jimmy each had a 20+ point double-double (with rebounds). They can hang with anyone if those two are going. Bobby “New Fish” continued his rookie Grinders campaign with 7 points and 5 boards. The highlight of the night came from Mike “It’s Bigger than a Worm” Benjamin. With the clock running down and the game in the balance, “Worm” gave Ford the up and under move of the century. Ford’s panties were left on the court, Worm called “game”, and the rest is history.

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Hoops I Did it Again vs Reigning, Defending

Oh do the woes continue for Curt “I’m the AD Now” Maisch. Much like Curt’s Grinders equal (Ford), he continues to lose again. Us here at Grinders HQ are trying to figure out how. The pre-season smart $$$$ was on Team Curt to challenge Hi-liters in the Finals. Now it looks like they may not even make the play-in game (doesn’t exist….that’s how bad they are….). Curt continues to “get his points”, scoring another 26 to go along with 19 rebounds. He even got some help from the squad as Jeff “Ages Like a Fine Wine” May had a double-double, and “Crazy” Al also scored in double digits.

Ho hum. Another week another win for Hi-liters. They missed Tommy “L.A. Russ” Hughes two weeks ago and won. They missed Wayne “Watertown is Beautiful This Time of Year” Haynes last week and won. Can anyone stop these pricks???? They had THREE players with a double-double (Tommy 18/11, Gersitz 18/14, Pauly J. 21/10/6). Two players had over a 20 GAPE (PJ and G). They look like the 73 win Warriors team. They sleepwalk through stretches and turn it on whenever they want. Good luck dethroning the CHAMPS chumps.

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Team Milicki vs Dadbod Does the Shammgod

We here at Grinders HQ are waiting for Team Milicki to start thrashing people. Four weeks in and we’re still waiting. They have all the pieces to drop 80-90 on fools any given Wednesday. They have Grinders SUPERSTARS like Mark “Hustle, Loyalty, Respect” Doyle, Eric “First Ballot HOF’er” Boerdner, Mike “47” Milicki, Todd “Fucking” Nixon, and Jon “Bang Bang” Tirado. This team should be killing it, not scoring 45 points. This team continues to shoot inefficiently (Milicki, 8/23, E 6/23, Jon 3/8). Are they not getting good looks? Are they settling? This team lives by the “J” and dies by the “J”. Right now they’re on life support.

I wonder if Dadbod knows that in basketball, the object of the game is to PUT THE BALL IN THE HOLE. To be fair, it seems like some have gotten that message. Zach “Light in the Loafers” Newberry was again efficient from the field shooting 50% (8 points, 7 boards). Mike “Cauliflower Ear” Salvati was perfect from the field (3/3, 6 points). Cole’s jumper sucked balls as usual (4/16). Jon “Streaky on the Court and in My Pants” Witt carried the team in the first half but couldn’t sustain the scoring in the second half. He finished with 15 points (7 boards, 6 assists). He did hit a big 3 late in the game as well as the game clinching floater with 30 seconds left. The story for Shammgod was Kellen “I play BIGGER than my Height” Owen. He channelled his inner Cole in the first-half, bricking everything. In the last 4 minutes of the game though he went all KOBE!!!! KO dropped all 10 of his points late, including (2) 3’s and was able to answer the late Team Milicki run.

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Winners and Losers

Winners:

– K.O.: big time players show up in big time moments and make big time plays. MONSTER down the stretch for the Dadbods

– Worm: big bucket in a big spot….had Ford autograph the poster he put him on

– Hi-liters: still undefeated, still reigning and defending

– Pauly J: career high 21 points. Congrats!

Losers:

– Old Man Jon: got called out by his ex-wife on social media for his horrible Grinders performance.

– Richie: like A.I. back in the day. Where’s the supporting cast?

– Helmet: paying to play…. playing, not allowed to actually participate (3 shots in 120 minutes of game time)

NEXT WEEK:

mid-season awards, team prognostications, etc.

On and on we go.

Who will keep stats?

Nobody knows.

Did he get a steal?

I couldn’t see.

Do I mark an “A” or just give him the “3”?

Do I have a deadline for these?

Eff it…

Oh and hey, we have Twitter now!

• @GrindersBBall

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Team Ford aka Richie’s karma for being born vs Hi-liters

As score would indicate, this game was never close. Hi-liters dominated from the beginning and through ’til the end. They led by 8-14 points for most of the game. Their lead was never really threatened.

Team Ford could have had a chance if either their captain OR their highest paid player did anything. A disinterested Ford was 1/6 shooting. Richie showed interest but also showed a serious lack of skill, going 3/18from the field, turning the ball over 4 times, and possibly setting a Grinders record for futility WITH A -9 GAPE. My god. Could be the worst performance in Grinders HISTORY!!!!! On a positive note, Ben “Hesi-crossover” Sears had himself an effective game. He was the ONLY player in double figures, scoring 16 points.

Team Hi-liter slept through most of the game and still won by 17. Tommy “On the Russ-Bus” Hughes had a double-double. Gersitz scored 17. Wayne had 15. Pauly J had a Draymond Green game (9/5/7/2/1). Due to the blowout, Hi-liter actually let Josh in the game and even let him participate. He scored 4 points on 5 shots (both season highs for him with hi-liter) and had 6 rebounds.

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Team Richie’s jumper is nails on a chalkboard vs Hoops I Lost Again

How would team Ford react in the second half of their double-header after getting throttled? Would Curt finally take a Ford team seriously or lose to him……AGAIN? How would it go? This was a great game to watch with a lot of back and forth and not decided until the last minute. Team Curt didn’t execute great offense down the stretch and Team Smirk…I mean Ford scored at the right times in the end to seal it.

Team Curt was led by Curt who had a monster game! He dropped 31 pts on 50% shooting with 16 rebounds. He also led his team with 4 turnovers, 2 of them proving costly at the end of the game. Jeff May had 21 points and Josh Lanzot had his best game in recent memory. Josh “Fullback dive” Lanzot had a massive GAPE (24) with 8 points, 16 boards, and 6 assists. He helped to control the flow of the offense (until Curt took over late – see turnovers).

Normally I’d go into how a whole team played and spread the wealth……..NOT TODAY!!! Richie FUCKING Creamer ladies and gentlemen. Richie came out guns a-blazin’, aiming to prove who the alpha male was on Team Curt last year. 3 after 3, jumper after jumper, Richie single-handedly carried the dead carcasses of Vaillancourt and Ford to the win. Richie dropped 32 points on Team Curt and was unstoppable (except for missing a 2 on 0 breakaway layup….cough, cough). Richie channeled his inner Isiah Thomas and just torched Team Curt. DAMN.

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Hoops I Missed the Bucket Again vs Spare Tires Around (Dadbod/Shammgod)

The almighty Ford and co won the tail-end of their DH. Could Curt and crew save face and do the same???? Nahhhhhhhhhh. A tired Curt and crew played a soft 2-2 zone, packed it in, and packed up for home. This game was close-ish at half and Team Curt made a run with 4 minutes left, but couldn’t sustain it.

Curt had another decent game, scoring 24 pts (on 34 shots) and grabbing 16 more rebounds. Crazy Al and Jeff “Don’t call me Vintage” May each chipped in with 10 points. The story of Team Curt’s DH had to be Justin “Put Me in Coach” Gerardi. in 80 minutes of game action, Helmet played maybe 15 of them. He took 3 shots…….combined.

DadBod had a full team effort, especially on the defensive side. They were able to keep Team Curt on the outside and didn’t give up too many high quality chances. “Chuckets” Thomasulo played excellent D on Curt in the second half and Witt harassed Jeff May almost all game. Mike “I Lost at Dodgeball” Salvait grabbed 12!!!! rebounds and was efficient on offense (3/7). Witt led the team in scoring (again) scoring 22 points and collecting 12 rebounds. Cole finally found the basket and didn’t shoot 5 of……..as many more as you want they’re not going in no matter what.

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Everyone pays to play in this league gentlemen. No one is going pro. Put your pride and egos aside and adjust your playing time. People should not be sitting the bench for long stretches of time. There is not reason for it.

13 seconds?!?!?!? 13 seconds?!?!?!?!!?!? Just freaking sick………. Not much of a recap this week due to a broken heart and an empty feeling in my body. Just freaking ugh!

As per usual, Ford and Curt were MIA. It’s a Wednesday league boys. Feel free to show up. Oh and hey, we have Twitter now!

• @GrindersBBall

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Dadbod does the Shamgod vs Handsome Eunuch’s

So I guess here’s the game-flow. Shamgod comes out on fire and leads early 16-4. The Ken-dolls weather the storm and lead 22-20 at half. The Handsome boys go on a run to start the second half and take a 14 point lead. Dadbods try and rally over the last 4 minutes and cut the lead to 3, but never get even or ahead. Handsome Boys win.

For all of you Cole-haters out there, this would have been the game to be at. That fat slob was…..wait for it…….4 of 25!!!!! He missed 21 freaking shots. The best part is that Justin left him wide open and he kept missing. I heard Vaillancourt was in his glory heckling Cole. Some even said it got XXX rated at certain points. Not only did Cole suck on the offensive end, but Justin lit him up like a Christmas tree in the second half. Dude got exposed on both ends. $31????…. nah. Captain,,,,,,, nah. Bench this clown.

Heroic individual performances as follows:
Fabio hair school:
Justin: 22/12
Bobby: 15 pts – (3) 3’s
Old Man Jon: 10/10 including bustin a J cap in Cole’s face and taunting him all the way down the court – CLASSIC GRINDERS MOMENT!

Dadbod Uses the Shamwow
Witt: 16 pts (hot first half)
Newbs: 9/14, 50% shooting, led team in GAPE

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Hi-Liter vs I’ve Got My Stye-Eye on You

I heard this game went into double OT and was a Grinder’s classic……not because of the execution, but in true Grinders fashion, no one tried to actually win the game. Hi-Liter was missing their captain and boy it showed. No organization whatsoever. Stye-Eye was missing Toddy “F’n” Nixon who, if there, would have won the game on a jumper at the buzzer at least 3 times (all in Gersitz’s face).

Pauly J. tried to lose the game in regulation, turning it over when he didn’t even need to pass it. The turnover led to a breakout and a “First Ballot Hall of Famer” Eric Boerdner bank shot to tie it at the buzzer (Nixon would have hit the 3 to win, just sayin’). The game went into overtime where I heard, again, no one wanted to win. Each team exchanged bricks and turnovers (Nixon would’ve dropped 12 in the extra frame, just sayin’). Onto double overtime! A classic game like this could only be ended in classic fashion…..one basket……total. My god! Gersitz hit a “J” with a minute left and that was it. Hi-Liter didn’t get Pink Eyed by the Stye-Eyes.

Heroic individual performances were as follows:
Hi-Liters:
Gersitz – 23/12/7
Haynes – 23/16 (more shots than an Uzi)
Pauly J – 16 boards

Stye-Eye:
Milicki – 19 boards
Doyle – 25 pts
E – 18 pts, buzzer beater to go to OT
Tirado – 13 boards

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On to week whatever it is cause no one shows up and people keep switching games times and dates. Isn’t there a schedule on the site. Maybe we should FUCKING FOLLOW IT for once.

Get off my lawn!

Initial Championship Odds……….Straight from Vegas (and Cole’s loud mouth at the bar), here are your odds to win the title:

Team	Captain	Odds
Hi-Liters	Tommy	3:1
Hoops I Did It Again	Curt	7:1
Handsome Boy Modeling School	Justin	12:1
Dadbod Does The Shammgod	Cole	15:1
Team Mike	Mike M.	28:1
Team Ford	Mike F.	LOL

Draft Winners:

Curt came away with great team balance and depth, not paying more than $20 for any player. Strategy or accident?????

Tall Justin came away with guard after guard after guard after speed after speed after speed. They could be VERY hard to guard. Side bet of regular season wins is set at 5.5. Bobby from team Justin. This dude is what this league is fucking about. He paid his club membership and bought a mug before stepping on the freaking court, days ahead of the open run, before anyone even knew his name. Kudos to you new guy. Buy this man a beer.

Draft Losers:

Every draft has it’s Eli Manning/Chargers draft moment. This draft was no different. In this case it was Richie Creamer throwing a temper-tantrum and storming out of the gym after being selected by Mike Ford. It was really one of those, “You have to be there.” moments. It was a combination of someone finding out their dog died and their wife cheated on them at the same time.

Chris Cole spent $13 on……..KELLEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WTF?!?!?!?! was Cole thinking. Kellen spent most of last season averaging a negative GAPE. Blackmail? Dirty photos? Golf jealousy? Whatever Kellen has over Cole is strong ’cause……bruh……. $13…….for………Kellen. Almost as bad as $31 for Cole last session.

Not a winner or loser, but a head-scratcher:The Mel Kipers and Todd McShays of the world were wondering what Mike Maliki was doing on draft night. It wasn’t so much a question of the talent he drafted, but of how those pieces will fit together. Only time will tell I guess.

Stay tuned for next week’s e-mail from Grinders HQ. I hear they are cooking up something very……..poetic.

No game reviews this week. With playoffs approaching I thought this would be more fun or appropriate. My version of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Top of the Heap:

These team(s) are at the top of the league and have the best chance of winning the coveted GRINDERS championship:

Team Richie: Team Richie is sitting in first place at 6-2 and holds the tie-breaker on the second place team (Witt). Chances are GOOD they finish as the 1-seed. This team is pretty BAD when it comes to ball movement. It seems like either Richie or Curt bring the ball up and shoot. Their last 2 games have been UGLY. They’re arguing, complaining, tantruming, all while going 0-2. Did they peak too early???

Team Witt: Team Witt is in second place and has a shot to claim the 1-seed with a good final 2 weeks. Their play as of late has been more than GOOD. They’ve won 5 in a row after starting 0-2. The only way Witt spending $31 on Cole can be described is BAD money management. We’re not saying Cole isn’t a good player, but he certainly isn’t worth that amount. The Team Witt defense has been making other team’s offenses look UGLY. Team Witt has the best defense in the league statistically.

Middle of the Pack:

These are good teams that just haven’t hit full stride, but can beat anyone on a given Wednesday in the GRINDERS dungeon.
Team Ford: They sit in 3rd place, with arguably the best player in the league (no, not you Ford). Out of the Middle of the Pack teams, they have a GOOD chance at earning a bye. The schedule shake out has them in control of their playoff seeding. The shooting percentages of said best player is BAD. When you’re that guy, you have to be more efficient. The schedule has been favorable to Team Ford mostly because of his non-stop requests. Requesting every week is an UGLY look for the team and the league. BE BETTER.

Team KO: Team Kellen is in a tie for the 4th seed. They’ve been a little up and down this season, but are trending up currently with a GOOD win vs, Team Ford. They have the other guy who could be considered the best player in the league and an interesting cast of role players. The BAD for this team is their offense when and if Jimmy isn’t being Jimmy. Can those other role players step up and lead their team if Jimmy isn’t walking on water? Finally, have you seen Kellen’s new sneakers????? FUGLY.

Team Tommy: Tied for 4th place but capable of beating anyone. The GOOD has to be Mike G. His GAPE is more than GOOD, it’s freaking great! The only guy that can stop Mike is Mike….maybe the most efficient player in GRINDERS history. The BAD for this team is their seeding. We here at GRINDERS HQ had this team as a pre-season finals team. Not living up to expectations…….yet. The UGLY is simply Tommy Hughes’ game. This guy used to be a walking triple-double. Now he’s just walking, and at the butt of Richie’s jokes.

The FCS: Next year boys.Team E. is currently the only winless team in GRINDERS so it’s a GOOD thing that everyone makes the playoffs. This team has a nice collection of people who can score and do damage. The reason they’re 0-fer is their BAD defense. If they put the effort into their D that they put into jacking up shots, they could have the ability to make some noise in the playoffs. The UGLY are the punishment ideas going around the league should Team E go winless. I’ve heard naked laps. I’ve heard about a bar tab on them for the rest of the league. I’ve heard of a ketchup/mustard shower at the Eldridge Club. Boys, don’t let that -ish happen to you.

Closer and closer we move towards playoffs. More and more we find out who is rising to the top and who is already looking towards next year. Onto the recaps…..