Category: Blog

by Kenny Blankenship

Round 1 Recap… 12/16/2022

Remember when this league was cool and we had game reviews every week? I ‘member. The last one was a month and a half ago. Let’s be better from now on, shall we?

Dadbods vs. What’s a Pass?

Perhaps the most exciting game of the session – oh, my apologies. It would appear that neither of these teams played last week. Jumped the gun a bit there.

BOHICA vs. Gimme a Minute: 65-35

Despite Gimme a Minute only trailing by 8 points at the half, this game was never really close. Tall Justin’s game plan of “everybody shoot the ball poorly” was executed to perfection, as the Big 3 of Justin, Jeff May and Lil Cuz all shot under .304 from the field. It’s also quite apparent that some strings were pulled in the stat department, as not a single air ball was recorded? What’s that all about? I’m pretty sure there were at least 5, with 4 of them coming from Lil Cuz. Sorry, we don’t sugarcoat things around here. Helmet and Little Josh turned in signature performances combining for a GAPE of 1. Tall Justin looked flummoxed in the paint as he was locked down by Josh Lanzot. Lil Cuz tried to provide a spark by committing assault on Richie at least three different times. Jeff “I’m too old for this shit” May came out of the gate guns blazing, starting off 0/6 shooting. He did led the team in scoring though with 15 points, and he also recorded … 11 blocks? Somehow I find that highly unlikely.

On the other hand, BOHICA actually looked like a team with a pulse out there. The aforementioned Josh Lanzot dominated down low with 14 rebounds and held Tall Justin to his worst game of the session. He also dished out 8 assists and tied teammate Jimmy Zeitz for a game-high 25 GAPE. Speaking of, Zeitz took advantage of some low-effort defense and dropped 28 points on 60% shooting. That seems good. Richie started the game slow, but really turned it on after getting angry for no apparent reason, splashing 5 from deep. Nixon showed great hustle and logged 4 steals. These guys were just locked in, and they will have the rest of the Grinders in their corner this week when they take on the Dadbods. Let’s hope they can recreate their Week 1 upset…

Laundromats vs. Chuckets: 63-48

To the surprise of absolutely no one, this session’s Gaping Grinder Mike Gersitz gaped and grinded all over the Chuckets. Rival captain Tommy watched in awe as MVG nailed open look after open look, logging 30 points on 60% shooting and a massive GAPE of 37. Al “Still Overpaid” Derrico was written off early in the session, but in the wise words of Geno Smith “he ain’t write back though.” Al contributed 20 points on over 50% shooting and filled up the box score with two steals and a block. Cory “Suck Bucket” Muldowney showed off his prowess as a point forward, recording 15 rebounds and 7 assists. I think the Suck Score is a bit harsh – sure, Cory can’t score for shit, but hot damn can he facilitate an offense. He also knows how to appeal to the audience – his frequent pull-up airballs always get the Grinders on their feet. Gersitz and gang looked dangerous, and they look to strike while the iron is hot in Round 2 against What’s a Pass? Will Gersitz continue to dominate against a slightly more formidable opponent? How long will it take before Cory turns into prime Goldberg and spears his “friend” Curt and stares down at the body he has just broken in half? Can “Crazy” Al take “ROTY” Peyton to school once more? My answer to all of the above is “yeah, probably.”

Sadly, we must also discuss the Chuckets, who also played in this game. Captain Tommy Hughes somehow managed 18 points, but also sank his squad with 5 turnovers, including one that was rifled off of the dome of his own teammate, Chuck, forcing him out of the game. With their top shooter down, big man Mike Ford filled in nicely by shooting 2/14 from the field. Doyle turned in a pretty standard Doyle game with an efficient 10 points. To be honest though, we’re really just glad that Chuck is okay. That was some pretty scary shit. Okay enough being nice. Not a soul is surprised this team lost. They had the worst record for a reason.

Overall these games were both pretty stinky. Hopefully we got all of the blowouts out of the way because that shit was borrrriinggg. As a wise man once said, “GET BETTER YOU PEOPLE!”

by Kenny Blankenship

What’s a Suck Score?

“Bro, what’s this new “Suck Score” and why does Old Man Jon hate Cory so much?“

Nah, Old Man Jon likes Cory. He seems like a good dude – I’d even let him fuck Richie’s sister. The Suck Score highlights Grinders who… sucked.

Suck Score FAQs:

  • Q: How do you determine a grinder’s Suck Score?
  • A: Don’t worry about all that.
  • Q: What about all the “good” stuff I do? Like my points, rebounds, assists?
  • A: What about it? You’re probably not that good. Besides, that’s what we have “GAPE” for. Stop being selfish.
  • Q: What is the Suck Score out of?
  • A: 100.
  • Q: Why another negative stat? This world we live in is vile enough as it is. Most Grinders come to fraternize with the guys, have a couple drinks, get a good run in… forget about how polarized the country is, inflation, how doomed our planet is, and all the horrors of war. This seems counter to that goal.
  • A: Okay.
  • Q: No, seriously, why?
  • A: I have depression and your misery makes me a little less sad.
by Captain Tenneal

No Week 5 Review, Instead…

Grinders HQ writers decided that you get no weekly review. Instead you get a look back at the half-way point of the season.

First Team All-Grinders mid-season

  • Curtis Masich: (23/9/4/1/1) leading candidate for MVP before his near-fatal ankle injury.
  • Richie Creamer: (22/5/1/3/1) best guard in the league (statistically – at least in games he actually plays).
  • Justin Rybinski: (17/12/2/1/2) third best GAPE in Grinders – walking double/double. So tall.
  • Matt Vaillancourt: (14/14/1/3/1) leads Grinders in rebounding, 4th in GAPE.

Second-team All Grinders – mid-season

  • Mike Gersitz: (17/12/4/2/1) highest GAPE in Grinders, team is in 5th place
  • Josh Lanzot: (14/8/3) 7th in the league in GAPE
  • Jon Witt: (15/6/3/1/1) spearheads best defensive team in Grinders
  • Jimmy Zeitz: (16/8/3/2) toughest to guard when he goes

Road to the Grinder Title…

Dadbods (4-1)

These knobs. Defending full-season champions, team everyone hates, overall league villains. Dadbod players obsessively remind other teams that they are, in fact, very obnoxious. This team plays solid defense, in their own words. The strategy seems to be to prolong their offensive possessions by aggressively calling fouls after missed shots – so the scores remain low, as opposed to just winning with their basketball talent. This team is built well and made for the playoffs. There is undeniable flopping skill by the team’s lead scorers.

– Strengths: ball movement, lead league in defense, BB IQ, strong depth 3-5

– Weaknesses: offense…..anything offense

Gimmie a Minute (3-2)

This team was destined from the moment the draft ended to be the most “vanilla” team in Grinders. Tall Justin Rybinski, the “Jeff Fisher of Grinders”, always powers his team to ~.500 every session, but then fizzles out in the playoffs. This team has to be happy with their 3-2 record so far, with Jeff May and Eric Carlson struggling to live up to expectations. Eric, along with fellow goons Justin “Helmet” Girardi and Josh Morcelle, are happy violently hacking unsuspecting Grinders for something to do.

– Strengths: scoring, possible personnel mismatches

– Weaknesses: ball movement, athleticism

What’s a Pass? (3-2)

This team may be he most offensively gifted Grinders squad put together at EBC. Curtis “Playoffs???” Masich, Matt “Hack-A-Matt” Vaillancourt, and Peyton “The Child” Urbaniak are all shooting over 44% from the floor. Jon “Ironman” Tirado and Eric “E” Boerdner each have the ability to put up big points in any given game, but also, have been more likely to tank their team’s chances with an off-night. This team could be a force if they all play together, as a team, and the young guy continues to gain confidence in his rookie season.

– Strengths: lead league in scoring, good shooting, actual b-ball talent

– Weaknesses: Playoff Curt, shot selection, shaky depth play

BOHICA (2-3)

Captain Richie Creamer has selfishly played in just 2 games this session. The only games this team have won by the way – including an opening night banger against Dadbods, where there was some hugging or whatever. When everyone actually shows up, this team is difficult to beat. Josh Lanzot is an absolute bully down low, Jimmy Zeitz is a baller, Todd “Fucking” Nixon is a fan favorite, and Aaron “AK” Kiselev does AK stuff on the court.

– Strengths: great guard play, shooting, BB IQ

– Weaknesses: size

Laundromats (2-3)

First time captain Mike Gersitz drafted a bunch of dudes who aren’t even on the team anymore. Cory “New Guy” Muldowney and Al “I went for how much???” Derrico have done their part in trying to complement Mike Gersitz’s dominating play. Mike “Q-Worm” Benjamin has been quietly chipping in 12.0 PPG, with a 40% EFG. Without a fifth guy to add a blow to the starters, a deep playoff run could prove difficult.

– Strengths: GAPE god Gersitz, size, championship pedigree

– Weaknesses: aggression, finishers

Chuckets (1-4)

3-point legend Chuck Thomasula, at +0.8 Expected Gape, is the only guy on this squad who hasn’t underperformed. Team is somehow winless when Tommy Hughes, and Mike Ford plays. This team relies on balanced scoring and balanced play from top to bottom on the roster, but haven’t had much success so far. Mark Doyle has been shooting 41% from the field. Chuck leads the team in scoring. Tommy leads in GAPE, and Ford has vertigo. Old man Jon U contributes little.

– Strengths: talent, athleticism

– Weaknesses: size, scoring droughts, defense, old

Round 1 Playoff Predictions

Based on the game film that Grinders HQ reviews we believe this is how the first round of the playoffs might shakeout:

Game 1: What’s a Pass vs Chuckets (3v6)

Chuckets take this one. Playoff Curt shows up again. Ford goes to work. Tommy cheats just enough to get the win.

Game 2: BOHICA vs Laundromats (4v5)

Laundry Guys over BOHICA. No one can stop Gersitz. Richie melts under the pressure.

What about the rest of the playoffs? The Grinders HQ writers are tired. You get what you get…

by Captain Tenneal

Week 4 Review

There is no Week 3 Review b/c you guys, just like the Yankees, suck!

This game started out as you would expect. What’s a Pass? took an early lead and seemed to dominate the action. Curt continued to fire up shots from everywhere on the court with his teammates giving him a “thumbs up” everytime, knowing he wasn’t going to pass. Then it happened. A scream could be heard throughout the Eldredge Club. It was like a teenage girl in a horror movie, or a woman giving birth, or Richie losing a Draft Kings bet. Curt stubbed his toe on Helmet, flopped on the ground like Cole from a “charge”, and refused to go back in the game. From that point on, game over.

     “First Ballot” Boerdner decided to “go to work” to the tune of 3/24. Vaillancourt had to be “Point Guard” Vaillancourt which we all know is hilarious in itself. “New Kid” Peyton was efficient scoring 10 points. “Bang Bang” Tirado would have had better luck than his 1/9 if he merely banged his head against the wall. With Curt MIA, this team is in trouble. No one know what to do with the basketball b/c Curt never gives it to them. God’s speed gents.

     Gimmie a Minute took full advantage of Curt’s “injury” (hang nail). Justin “Claven” Rybinski and Jeff “Superman” May dominated the paint to the combined tune of 35 points and 22 boards. “Lil Cuz” pitched in with 11 points and Humpty and Dumpty (Helmet and Josh) each had a bucket.

………………this reporter definitely did not see AD In The Waiting Richie Creamer hand over a burlap sack with “$$$” on it to one Justin “Bobblehead” Girardi post-game.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If Richie “AD in Wait” Creamer has a good game and we, at Grinders HQ don’t report it, did it happen?

     So, a great game that started off poorly. BOHICA started off hot and took a huge lead on the Pillowcases (almost by 20 at one point). Creamer (28 pts, 6-3’s) and Jimmy (20 points) shot 21/42, combined for 49 GAPE and dominated the game flow early. Todd “Franchise” Nixon and Josh “Rathman” Lanzot were there physically but that stats don’t really reflect it (don’t worry boys, it happens to everyone, there’s a pill for it). Then something strange happened. Crazy Al turned back the clock to the Glendale days and was scoring (20pts). Mike “Worm” Benjamin was left alone and was draining 3 after 3 after 3 in Richie’s face. Mike “Vow of Silence” Gersitz remembered that he was allowed to shoot and was scoring the second half. All of a sudden that 20 point lead dwindled to 2. The full court pressure that the Static Sheets were applying was leaving BOHICA out to dry. There were turnovers, shot clock violations, time-outs galore. Nothing could get BOHICA back on track. The Tides decided to take a 2 instead of a 3 which put the shot/game clock back in favor of BOHICA and they ran out the clock like cowards.

Honestly a shite game to watch. No great offense to speak of. No efficiency. Here’s your recap: Cole fouled Ford intentionally. Tommy fouled Cole intentionally. Cole yelled at Tommy. Tommy yelled at Cole. Witt shot a lot. Salvati tried hard. Ford did not. Doyle disappeared as if he were in the nude at noon. Chuck shot terribly. KO and Newbs played through all the BS. Dadbods won.

GET BETTER YOU PEOPLE

by Captain Tenneal

Week 1 Review…

Week 1, welcome back, blablabla. Honestly it was good to see people again and have a pint or 3. I’m sure Edlridge was thrilled we were back as well. Onto the games……

6:30 – Gimmie a Minute VS Laundromats now known as MIA (only Mike In Action)

I’m not sure how this game was played or counted because Mike “Silent Death” Gersitz was the only one from his team to show. This was a hard game to follow as most there were trying to figure out who was actually playing for their team. Apparently Justin and co. had all their people, though no one really showed up (statistically). This should be an interesting team to watch as there is potential. But as usual, Justin stayed on the perimeter against the much smaller Gersitz. Lil’Cuz went “Happy Go Jacky” on every shot he saw, mostly out of iso ball. Jeff May struggled again with his calves and his shooting percentage showed it. Lil’ Josh was a pest as usual but had no major effect on what was going on. There was a lot of one-on-one, I’m getting mine going on. Wait and see if that changes.

Gersitz dominated play as proven by his 40 GAPE (26/18). Dude just finds a way to be effective even if his team doesn’t make him a focal point. Crazy Al went for $28. Based on last year and game 1 of this year, that’s about $22 too much. He struggled scoring again but his energy did help to get his team extra possessions. To be honest, we lost interest in this one after the first 16 minutes. It was best placed as the first game out of the shoot, much like the first fight in an undercard. No one knows who they are and no one cares or will watch. Be better next time.

Based on talent, this should have been the game of the night. Instead we got what may be the greatest disparity in Team GAPE…….ever!!!!!! (96-20) What’s a Pass? came out and absolutely dominated play. Matt “Eye Rake” Vaillancourt looked like the UNC version of “Psycho T” Tyler Hansburough. He destroyed Ford in the paint and completed dominated everything in the 3-second area to the tune of 26/20 on 68% shooting and a career high GAPE of 48. Curt did Curt things and scored at will against a much inferior team (mostly in garbage time) and almost had a triple double (30/10/8). Peyton “Jon’s kid” made his Grinders debut and contributed in every stat category, as did “Bang Bang” Tirado. This game was done before the 1st half had even expired.

Team Chuckets had us up-chucking with how bad they were. They didn’t score. They didn’t pass. They didn’t rebound. They didn’t try. Frankly they didn’t care. Once again self-proclaimed top 5 player in the league Tommy Hughes called “game” with a ton of time left on the clock. Rumor has it that he didn’t want rival Crut to drop 80 on his ass. There’s not much to go on stat-wise for this team. Tommy had a double-double (10/10) but……..ewwwwwww. Be better in week 2.

BOHICA vs Dadbod Does the Shammgod

“THE HUG”. That is all.

The games/shenanigans/trash-talk at the bar was waaaaaaaaay better than any of the games played. You want more write-up? Play better games.

by Kenny Blankenship

Session 2022-03 Preview

There were open runs. There was a draft. There are teams. Admittedly, the league beat writer writer ran out of steam about half-way through… enjoy!

Team: Mike Gersitz

Draft Grade: 46/100

Team Grade: 62/100

League superstar Mike Gersitz tries his hand at being a GM this session. Anyone who bet Gersitz would dominate the draft the way he does the EBC basketball court or Laundromat YouTube wished they wagered on BitCoin instead. What does the reigning Poor Performer of the session go for when Gersitz is at the helm? An offensively high $28, 3rd highest in this session.

RankPlayerTeamPosition
1James HearnCurtis
2Jeff MayBoccioForward
3Mike FordWittForward
4Jon UrbaniakGarrettGuard
5Chris ColeColeForward
6Matt VaillancourtVaillancourtForward
7Chuck ThomasuloWittGuard
8Jimmy ZeitzPeytonGuard
9Justin GerardiPauly PGuard
10Jon TiradoTiradoGuard
11Peyton UrbaniakWormGuard
12Todd NixonTiradoGuard
13Mike MalickiGarrettForward
14Richie CreamerCurtisGuard
15Mike BenjaminWormGuard
16Tommy HughesColeGuard
17Mark DoyleTiradoGuard
18Eric BoerdnerWittGuard
19Curtis MasichCurtisForward
20Jon WittWittGuard
21Grant DeczTiradoForward
22Paul JohnsonBoccioGuard
23Aaron KiselevColeForward
24Eric CarlsonPeytonGuard
25Sub
26Wayne HaynesTiradoForward
27Kellen OwenGrantGuard
28Josh LanzotBoccioForward
29Justin RybinskiTall JustinForward
30Mike GersitzWormForward
31Ben SearsPeytonForward
32Al DerricoBoccioGuard
33Zach NewberryWittForward
34Josh MorcelleColeGuard
35Mike SalvatiLittle JoshGuard
36Bobby SpazianiTall JustinGuard
37Cory MuldowneyCurtisForward
38Mike BoccioBoccioGuard
39Joe MarieCrazyForward
40Paul PalomboLittle JoshForward
41Matt KietaJimmyGuard
42Bryant BrownWormGuard
43Garrett BeesingLittle JoshForward
44Bobby KendrickWorm
45Mike EdmistonSemarco
46Mike SemarcoSemarco
47Pat DesiderioAl Lanzot
48Al LanzotAl Lanzot
49Simon MarletteAl Lanzot
50Jim HearnCrazy
51Chris LozoE
52Nate SmithEForward
53Chris BadilloPauly P
54Corey DesiderioPauly P
55Vinny TerranaPauly P
56Paul TrillizioPauly P
57Pat WolnarAl Lanzot
58Paul CoxfordPauly P
59Dan DoyleFord
60Chaz HooksTirado
61Alec HuskeyLittle Josh

By the way, 0.5 GAPE is easily the WORST in the EBC era. But, what about Ben Sears, you ask? Well, if you get 3 games out of him this session, I guess that’s a win. Pauly J continues to obsessively pull it to hot MILF Olivia Munn while not in the game. Johnson is essentially the leagues Miro Satan – awesome when he is on the hot streak… and then… the rest of the time. Mike “Worm (Q)” Benjamin is the leagues reigning Playoff MVP. Even if Worm continues his magical play from last session’s playoffs, this team is doomed for last place. Normally any team with Mike G on it is in the championship conversation, but not this session.

Good news?

Mike Gersitz will definitely win the Hero Baller award this session, most likely breaking the single session record he already holds.

Team: Tall Justin

Team Strength: 60/100

Team Grade: 70/100

Tall Justin, the leagues tallest player, refuses to play down low and win. Instead, he loves to shoot 3’s like the paint is hot lava. Eric “Little Cuz” Carlson also loves to shoot the 3 ball. Jeff May, looking to prove that he isn’t washed up, continues to battle Father Time. When he is on his game, there is no better shooter. He is, though, 73 years old. Rounding out this roster are winners of 3 of the first 4 Poor Performers in EBC history. Justin “Helmet” Girardi is no stranger to bashing his teammates strategy while on the bench… where he will probably spend all his time this session. Josh, reigning “Mike Ford Pain In the Dick” award winner, will battle Eric Carlson for the most fouls in Grinders history. This team will be unpleasant to play against. Grinders beware – wear your body armor against this collection of hacks.

Good news?

Justin is still tall. Little Josh had a career best 7.0 Gape, 14x better than “Crazy”, and went for 1/28th the price. Total steal. I guess.

Team: Richie

Draft Grade: 100/100

Team Grade: 80/100

The league’s analytics branch warned Little Richie not to draft all short guys. Instead, he drafted all short guys and Josh Lanzot, who had a career session in the winter. Pro-tip for Josh – be ready to catch Richie’s shots from 3 before they go out of bounds… “AK” Aaron Kiselev, hoping to not get drafted by Putin, instead got drafted by Richie Creamer. Is that a win? “AK” hasn’t played in a few sessions – and will be working to slowly get back in game shape. Luckily, Todd “Fucking” Nixon has made it known he will have limited availability… so here’s hoping “AK” already rehabbed. Then there is Jimmy Z – a quick, talented baller – as long as his ankles are in tact.

Good news?

EBC still has plenty of chairs…

Team: Tommy

Draft Grade: 90/100

Team Grade: 81/100

Tommy Hughes drafted this team like it was 2016. Mike Ford and Old Man Jon are 2 of the oldest 3 guys in the league. The analytics department wanted to point that out as a terrible, terrible strategy. Mark Doyle is probably the Grinder in the best shape, while Chuck T is an assassin from 3, sometimes. Tommy has long hair, and like my cat Thor, his effectiveness is directly correlated with his waist line. This team should be tough to beat… as long as everyone shows up.

Good news?

Doyle’s pants-game rivals only Ford’s during EBC game play.

Team: Curt Masich

Draft Grade: 77/100

Team Grade: 83/100

“Foreign” Curt, as exactly one guy knows him as, made some odd choices for his team. Curt, who notoriously never sits nor passes after half time, or – wins playoff games, drafted Jon “Bang-Bang” Tirado and Eric “I haven’t won a single game at EBC” Boerdner… who are both allergic to passing the basketball. It’s unclear how this will turn out for this team, but odds are it won’t be great. Matt Vaillancourt, notorious “blocking” fouler gets to play down low and will probably shatter the single session rebound record… with all the bricks that are bound to be shot by his teammates. Will he and Boerdner be able to coexist? The over/under on games before a fight is 0.

Good news?

Peyton Urbaniak joins the league at the fresh age of “22”. Broke reigning MVP Mike Gersitz’s ankles on his very first possession… much to the delight of everyone in attendance. Youth and height usually kill in this league. As long as you ignore that his dad has a better jumper, that is…

Team: Cole

Draft Grade: n/a

Team Grade: 87/100

Wait, this roster was good enough to win a Championship? Grinders everywhere have been left scratching their heads since the infamous session these chodes won. What can one say about these guys? KO, former Poor Performer – plays just well enough not to win that award a second time. Witt has no hair and never met a chest he didn’t drive his forearm into while driving to the hoop. Salvati only plays after 9pm – that’s not suspicious or anything. Newberry – cheater. Probably – just like that chess player. No one knows how for sure – but we all assume it has something to do with anal beads. And Christopher Cole. He’s been working hard this off-season. Word is he needed to buy a smaller jersey size. Nah – just kidding, he didn’t.

What’s good?

Nothing. There’s nothing good here. This team is obnoxious.

by Kenny Blankenship

Final Regular Season Week…

Editors Note: As much effort was put into editing this for grammar and aesthetics as was put into writing this by our league beat reporter…

Since all YOU PEOPLE suck balls, I decided to take a mini-vacation and cruise along the coast, enjoying tasty IPA’s and giving rusty trombones to girls from Virginia. Now that I am back I have to tell you this season has been a disappointment. Not from a fun or competition standpoint though. I’m frankly upset with the lack of commitment to Grinders at Eldridge. Attendance needs to be better. Show up or get out. I’d also like to address the subbing issues. We know Cole was a dick in the playoffs. After seeing who you folks are trying to get sub, I can’t blame him. You shouldn’t be able to “sub-up” and get a better player. Hell, you shouldn’t be able to “sub-even”. It’s your player that’s missing. You shouldn’t benefit from being short. All that being said, this week’s games have playoff seeding at stake. Here’s what could happen………

IPAirballs:

They get the 1-seed if:

– they win both

– they go 1-1 but beat Lethal Shooters

– Lethal Shooters loses a game

Lethal Shooters:

They get the 1-seed if:

– they win both games

– could drop to the 3 seed  based on tie-breakers with Dog or Cole

Squatting Dog/We Despise Cole and all HE Stands For

– no team can climb higher than 2 (if Shooters loses at all)

– this game is probably for the 3 seed

– the loser could be the 6-seed depending on tie-breakers

Mother Chuckers/You People

– can only get as high as the 4-seed

– will come down to tie-breakers with loser of Dog v Cole and each other

That’s all for now. Until next week, piss off.

by Kenny Blankenship

Draft Review…

Week 1 bla bla bla. Someone won (not Curt) and someone lost (almost always Curt). Week 2 bla bla bla. Rinse, repeat, spew bile. I’m not inspired to write about the weekly goings-ons right now. Soooooooooooo, I feel like a draft recap, winners/losers, team assessment article is much more fun. Here you go. I hope “you people” like it.

First, a shout out to Old Man Jon (who definitely did not write this week’s article). Not only did he draft his team (like he was Jerry West), but I was able to follow along with the draft on Twitter thanks to his up to the minute posts. I hope the league continues to do fun things like that (more live games, live draft, etc.).

P.S. Some of the quotes were truly glorious.

Second, it sounds like the new guys at the draft table really enjoyed their experience. I hear the captain’s text is a hoot (if you heart being miserable). I’m happy that we at Grinders HQ have decided to get more people involved.

ONTO THE DRAFT!!!!! 

I’m going to start with a draft steal/overpay section.

Biggest Steals:

1. Jimmy Z for $11. I know Jimmy has struggled in the past, but $11 out of a $50 salary cap for a COLLEGE FREAKING BASKETBALL PLAYER, WTF were “you people” doing? Easily the steal of the draft. (Old Man Jon)

2. Soft-ass Tall Justin for $15. Size is a premium in this league and he’s the tallest guy we got. He can shoot too. Justin can be a match-up nightmare. He had no business going for under $20. (Old Man Jon – again)

Biggest Overpays:

1. I’m not sure if you people pay attention but Chris Cole is NOT a top player in the league. He wasn’t worth the $31 Witt paid for him 3 drafts ago and he certainly shouldn’t be the highest paid Grinder again ($30). Wake up people. You’re not paying for Tom Brady. You’re getting Joe Flacco……at best.

2. I’m not sure if you people pay attention but Tommy Hughes is NOT a top player in the league……anymore. The days of Tommy Triple-Double are done and over with. $27 for a poor-man’s old Mark Jackson is ridiculous. The fact that he came within $2 or Gersitz is obscene.

Team outlooks:

IPAirballs: Pre-season pick for the ‘ship. Got Justin and Jimmy for nothing (combined they cost as much as Tommy). Filled in with another big guy in Vaillancourt and got some outside shooting and athleticism in Pauly J. OMJ had a pre-draft plan and executed it flawlessly.

prediction: in the finals

Lethal Shooters: Bang-Bang Tirado came out of the shoot firing. He bought the first 2 players put up for auction (Ford and Curt). We like the addition of Doyle (at nice value $13) and “lil Cuz brings some of the dirty that the “talented” players on the team refuse to do. 

prediction: Should see them in the semis.

Mother Chuckers: Chuck said he had a plan. He wanted another shooter and a distributor. He got both in Tommy and Jeff “Superman” May. He added more size and ball-handling in Josh Lanzot and a Pat Bev pest in Todd “Freakin'” Nixon. Chuck paid a lot for Tommy but got great value in May ($15) and Lanzot ($7). 

prediction: Should make the semis.

Squatting Dog: Worm was a big question mark as a newer Grinders member. Would he know everyone? Would he have pre-draft rankings? Would he f it up? Well, he got umpteen time league MVP Gersitz. Check. He got Richie for $13 which is pretty cheap for a guy who tends to do well week-to-week. We’re trying to figure out how Bobby and Salvati fit in the mix? Is this a 2-man team or can they gel? 

prediction: out in the 1/4’s

We Highly Dislike Chris Cole: League wise-guy Josh was thought of as a captain to watch out for who could put a great team together. Drafting Cole for $30 sure as hell brought that to a crashing halt. He paid too much for a guy who can’t make layups or jumpers, or generally score. Josh did do nicely filling out the rest of the roster, getting bargains with KO for $9 and E for $6. They should both easily outperform their contracts. Ben for $5 could be interesting.

prediction: out in the 1/4’s

You People: Helmet had a big advantage in being a 20 yr league veteran. He went the route of old reliables, getting fellow vets Witt, Crazy Al, and Newbs. We at HQ think that he paid under value for all of these players, getting great deals. Helmet also got league bad-boy Wayne. Wayne can do a little bit of everything. The question for this team is how they all fit together and what identity they can form.

prediction: in the semis

by Kenny Blankenship

Draft Preview

The times they are a-changin’…………

Finally the Blue Bloods have yielded their grip on the reins and invited the “mid-majors” to the dance (aka the fellas with the monster dongs). The mini-session is upon us and the usual suspects won’t be drafting. Instead we could be headed to a major shakeup of teammates thanks to Helmet, ‘Lil Josh, Chuck, Tirado, Worm, and Old Man Jon. I for one am very interested to see how this pans out. We could get some “dream” teams for the tabloids. Imagine Tommy playing with Richie, Curt playing with Cole, Vaillancourt with E., or anyone actually bidding on Ford on purpose. We are looking at a 5-game regular season and a 2-week playoff.

6 pre-draft questions:

1. Will anyone top Jimmy’s $32 price tag?

2. Who will get the curse of top paid player?

3. Will Playoff MVP Newberry get the financial respect HE thinks he deserves?

4. Who will be overspent on? (Hint – everyone)

5. Will the captains actually play on their teams, or will they be relegated to the bench yet again? (Will this writer even get drafted?)

6. Can enemies co-exist for the betterment of their teams or will egos prevail? (We certainly hope not)